Happy Halloween

Making Lemonade

After my pity party ended (I gave myself an evening of moping around), I decided the best thing to do was to make myself busy. I started Saturday morning with the one thing I had not managed to clean, my fridge. Now I had emptied it out, but I had not actually scraped the dried on milk, chocolate sauce, and whatever else had adhered to the glass. Shortly afterwards I realized that all my food was in the trash and I was in need of some nourishment.

This is my fridge after a trip to the store. Yes, I know this looks bad (she actually took a picture of her fridge....how sad), but stick with me, I think it gets better (no guarantees though).

I then made my way to a consignment shop where I had some items I was trying to sale. Fortunately, everything had managed to sale. Unfortunately, the money I made didn't last long since I wandered around the store and found this incredible buy...

This antique chair had originally been listed for $500 at the shop, but no takers, so I got it for $100. Having worked with fabrics a bit in my life, I can tell you the fabric and upholstery job cost more that $100. I thought it would make the perfect reading chair. Having sat in it a few times now, I can say that it is!
I also stopped by a home store and picked up a few frames for some photos. I finally framed my photos from Morocco after 2 years. I hung them up in the living room. I think they turned out pretty good.

Saturday also included some laborious work. The leaves covering the lawn outside had become a few inches thick , and I thought it might be smart to start digging through. This has to be one of my least favorite jobs (somehow Larry always seems to be out of town for this one....hmm).

Over the last few years, I have gone from spending days raking up the damn things, to sucking them up with my lawn mower which takes forever as the lawn bag fills up after one row of mowing. Last year, I decided to do the compost thing. I put the mower on compost which shreds everything up into little pieces. Afterwards, I go back over with the bag on the mower to suck up the remains. This makes for a speedy process.
My neighbor, on the other hand, is the typical guy in that he has fallen for the latest gadget that will "save him time" dealing with those pesky leaves. It is like the reverse of a leaf blower, but rather than blow the leaves, it sucks them up. You still have to rake them into a pile and suck them one by one into this little bag which fills up quickly and has to be transferred to another bag. You probably think this would take a long time, and you would be right. As I started my work, he was working on his front yard making his little soon to be sucked piles. I swept up three bags of leaves from the driveway, got out my mower, chopped up the leaves, mowed the lawn, sucked up the leaf pieces of the entire back yard and side yard while he managed to get through about 1/4 of his many piles. HAHAHA. Nothing like a resourceful woman who knows how to get it done!! Of course, he did waste considerable time with the "guys" standing around admiring his new gadget.

Later that evening, my friend Jed and I decided to get together to catch up. I invited him over for some Harvest soup and he made dessert. We ate good chow and played Jenga while watching Fargo. It was a good, low key evening.

Sunday I mowed the front yard, a task which is an exercise in futility because as soon as you remove the leaves, more leaves fall to take their place. This is a picture of the morning after...

Unbelievable! Why even bother? I guess it will make for a nice Halloween though. Sunday afternoon Jed and I decided to head to the library to study. He is in an MBA program, and although we aren't studying the same material, it is nice to have someone to chat with and be that kick in the pants to get focused. Plus I got to enjoy the day at the beautiful downtown library.

After a few hours at the library, I ran home to make yet another pot of Harvest Soup with Cornbread for another dinner with friends. This time it was Kay and Jolene. What can I say, soup is good, easy, inexpensive, and perfect for this time of year. This recipe never fails. It is in the Mormon Cookbook. No, you don't have to be Mormon to eat or enjoy this food. It has a lot of the recipes that I grew up on, so I they remind me of my younger days.

As I did the dishes later that night, I realized that although I wasn't with Larry, I didn't do too shabby for a "lonely" lady. I kept myself productive and rather busy. I suppose it's like they say, "make lemonade when your handed a bag of lemons." It might not have been the best lemonade, but it wasn't half bad.

Adult Humor (or is it Juvenile Humor??)

Larry sent me a pretty funny email this afternoon. He was, of course, careful to say that it didn't apply to us....



Three stages of a man's life:

Single


Married


Divorced


Any Questions?



I will probably burn in feminist hell for this, but I thought it was pretty damn funny.

Happy Birthday to my one and only

Today my husband turns 40. I can't believe that I have known him since he was 22, but yet he still seems so young to me. It is his exuberance for love and life that made me fall in love with him instantly all those years ago, and it is the same attribute that I still love about him today. He has always told me that it is I that have shown him how to live free and openly, to experience life to the fullest. Well, if it is I that taught him to live life, then it is he who has outdone me in the doing of living life. Now I learn from him.
Today he is 40 years young with more energy and vitality than most half his age. Here's to 40 more sweetie! I am looking forward to growing old, wrinkled, and grey with you because together we will always be young at heart.

Before Larry left we had a pseudo birthday because I knew I wouldn't be making a cake for him in Hawaii. I guess we will be having another pseudo birthday when I finally get there. It will be more like a Birthday Season rather than a Day.


It is funny to look at him staring at all the candles on his cake because he looks like the clipart I chose for this post. He looks so happy and youthful.



I was trying to think of a song to add to this post that wouldn't be cheesy and gooey. I recalled a recent conversation we had when he asked me what song or band reminds me of him and my answer was the 80s group Madness. When we were younger he used to love listening to them, so here is a little Birthday "Madness."

Happy wind sailing today, sweetie. Hope you catch some good waves.

Stuck

This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my posts: I am suppose to be in Hawaii right now, but I am stuck here. See.....sounds familiar if you been reading me for a while. Yes, I was planning on visiting with my hubby this weekend, especially since it is his birthday on Sunday...the big 4-0! However, I was unable to catch the direct flight from SLC, nor the LAX stop over. Apparently UEA weekend means "let's get out of Utah." What happened to just going up to the mountains and slaughtering animals? I think it used by called "hunting recess" back in the day. Apparently that isn't the case anymore.

After spending 4 hours trying to get out of dodge, I made my way back at home and began sulking. Nothing like expecting to be gone for six days only to find yourself back home sitting in your anally clean house because your aunt was coming over to watch the cats and didn't want a messy house to be seen as a case of the blues so you spent 2 days cleaning until your hands cracked, now eating cold, dried out pizza because you threw everything else out of the fridge since you were going to be gone for a week and didn't want to have green monsters growing out of the fridge eventually taking over the house. Whew....how's that for a run on tirade? It was just plain depressing.

In addition to missing my husbands birthday, some of Larry's co-workers are throwing a big party on Saturday with Karaoke (clothing optional.....ya right). I was so looking forward to getting down with Neil Diamond on the Karoke machine. The party is for one of the Aussies Larry works with who is going back to Australia. Anyway, it was going to be a great weekend, and now I won't be there.
The only good thing out of all this was meeting a women who works in neuro-feedback with brain damaged children (she noticed my study cards) and gave me her website info for her business which has had amazing success with children and speech therapy. Surprisingly, she also uses dogs as therapy aides with these kids to help them focus (the dog sitting next to her was what got me talking to her). I have always wanted to get into therapy animals. I know what a value animals have been in my own life and my own healing. Apparently she has had great success with these dogs and the children's neuro-feedback. I am rambling here, but it was an interesting coincidence.
I also met some other frustrated stand-by passengers wondering what happened to our so called "benefits." It is always interesting meeting people in the airport. Everyone always has a story of where they have been and where they are going. Kind of like meeting people in a place called "going nowhere for now," or "pause button." A place of transition, and me....well I was a Chatty Cathy for some reason. I just started up conversations with people. My husband's extroversion must be rubbing off on me. I also started a new book, Into the Wild, which appears to be a pretty easy, but interesting read. I can relate a lot to the boy in the book. I'll review it at a later time (if I remember to).

More rambling....I must be getting tired. Well...now I am here typing away, dreaming of sunsets on the beach, warm sand, Mai Tai's, and afternoon rainbows. I guess I will have to wait a little while longer before my dreams can become a reality.

Halloween Fun

Someone emailed this to me and I thought it was pretty funny and sick as well. Not for kids.

Changing plans

As the old saying goes "life is what happens when your busy making plans." I thought when we moved back to Salt Lake that would be all-she-wrote for us. We would settle into our life here and not look to leave. I am still not looking to leave, but after a long conversation with Larry last night I began to see that my plans may have to change. Larry has long wanted to fly for Delta mainline since he entered the airline piloting profession in 2001. It now looks very probable that may happen after many years of waiting in the wings. If it does happen (knock on wood) there is a very good chance that he will be based in Atlanta before being senior enough to move back to Salt Lake. He also might be moving back down to Pensacola for a command spot at his old Naval reserve unit after this stint in Hawaii. This makes living here seem more like a pain in the butt than an enjoyment, at least for now. As we talked we came to an agreement that it doesn't make sense to stay here if we can't be together, especially as we look to the near future of wanting a family. The only conclusion would be to move back down to the South.

It seems so strange that after everything we went through to get here, we might find ourselves back in Atlanta, a place that I never really wanted to live. I do have friends there, actually more friends there than I have here (sad). Although premature, I did look around the Atlanta area this morning online as it was fresh in my mind. I have to say, I do like the Marietta area. It looks like a nice place to live with the old Southern square in the center, the rolling hills, and trees. I think it is pretty close to the Appalachian Mountains which must be amazing in the Fall. I do recall when Larry was living in Atlanta many years ago, I visited during October and remember beautiful Fall foliage. I briefly thought to myself at the time that it wouldn't be a bad place to live. Then his airline opened up a SLC hub and we jumped at the chance to move home. A year later, Skywest bought his airline and closed the hub. It has a been a challenge ever since.
I say all this knowing it would be a least 2 years from now before it would be an issue (the moving), especially since he is in Hawaii now. A lot of things could change by then. My biggest challenge is to finish my program of study so I can be employed here, there, or anywhere. I guess I just find it humbling to think that when it seems everything is falling into place, events happen where change is inevitable. I can choose to either go with it, or I can do what I have done so many times in the past and stubbornly stuck to my guns only to end up unhappy and alone.
Hummm......I think I will start learning from the past and adopt a more go with the flow philosophy. I guess time will tell what the future changes and challenges will be, but more importantly, I have learned to be open to them.

Chasing Leaves

After the storm cleared overnight, I awoke to a beautiful crisp, cool, sunny day. I wanted to get outside and soak in the fresh air and sunlight. I hadn't been to the park in a week, and decided that was as good a place as any to enjoy the day. I had been saving some bread that I bought a week ago, but never manged to eat it. I set it to the side in anticipation of taking it to the park to feed the geese and ducks.
I grabbed my camera, my phone, and my brick-o-bread and headed out the door. Once I arrived to the park I took out my bread only to find it covered with green mold. Yuck. I wasn't going to feed them moldy bread, so into the garbage can it went.
Fortunately, it didn't appear they were going to be short on feedings today. This mom and her two children must have brought what appeared to be a couple of shopping bags of chopped up breads.

She may have gotten more than she bargained for. These geese are no amateurs. They can pick out the weak ones and start attacking all the while fighting off the swarming seagulls. These guys have been around the block a few times and can spot the naive bread thrower on the spot.

I made my way around the pond and came across some pairs of ducks that were busy feeding off the fresh scum on the pond floor (and I was worried about my moldy bread?). Probably one of the funniest things for me, obvious geek that I am, is to watch ducks turn upside down in the water. I don't know why, maybe it's their cute little butts in the air, maybe their little webbed feet flailing about, but it makes me laugh.

This picture cracks me up. I guess it was a slow humor day.

After I amused myself with the headless ducks, I continued on through the park. The east side mountains were still ominous with their dark, gray clouds, but the west side was blue and sunny. You would almost think I took these pictures on different days, but it was the same sky, on the same day, at the same time.


Looking West

To the East

West

Yep you guessed....East

I believe I get an "A" for proper demonstration of the cardinal directions. Sorry... smart ass here. I continued through the center of the park where the stream flows and the Birch trees are shedding their golden leaves. I don't know why, but whenever I walk through fallen, crispy leaves I feel like a child again. I find myself starting to purposely drag my feet so that I can shuffle more loudly through the leaves. Maybe it is that extra sound of crunchy "swishyness" (no it's not a word) that transforms me into a 10 year old again. That, and the desire to run and dive into a big pile of leaves, rolling around until I find dog poop in my hair. Oh, wait...that last part isn't suppose to happen.

All that was missing from my little outing was a 3 year old child, a slobbering, happy dog, and of course, my better half (see sweetie, I DO think about you!).

Week one

It was a tough week for me, trying to motivate myself into being a geo-bachelorette. I am just now starting to get out of the "droopies" of feeling alone. Most of the week I felt like I had a gray cloud hovering over me, which wasn't helped by the fact that for most the week there were many clouds outdoors, mixed with some rain and even snow. I don't know how people can live in Seattle. I go two days without some sunlight and I start to feel like I am losing my mind. Most of the week was just plain gloomy with only two days of sun. Today the weather is a continuation of the week long weather pattern; gray clouds with rain mixed with sleet. That will make it five Saturdays in a row with crappy weather. I complain knowing that any rain or snow is a gift after the dry summer we had, so I try not to complain too loudly.

I also spent quite a bit of time catching up on my studies that I had let slide to the wayside in order to spend more time with Larry before he left. I had gotten so bad that the Thursday prior to Larry leaving, I sat down to start studying for my Anatomy chapter on Respiration thinking I had until this Monday to take the exam, only to find out I was a week off. I had to take it on Monday, the day after Larry left. Can you say Stress?! I basically had to cram two weeks of studies in less than 3 days. The entire respiratory system; organs, muscles, tissues, functions, and locations in 3 hellish days. I am thankful I am not working right now because I didn't leave the house for 2 days and managed to squeak out an 85 on the test. That class is a butt kicker.

Things are starting to look up, and I guess it is probably not unusual to have down feelings when life has been shifted around a bit. Larry has been gone a lot in our relationship and with short trips I barely have time to realize he has been gone, but the longer trips always start out with that little bit of gloom and doom when you realize that your mate isn't going to be coming home for along time. Eventually, I always turn a corner and start plowing through once again. I can tell that time is near.

Larry has really been too busy since he got to Hawaii to miss me too much. He has been working 12-14 hour days working on a big project for not only the military, but for the nation. I can't really say what it is here because I don't know what I can talk about regarding his work. It isn't classified (if it was than I wouldn't know about it), but it may not be something I can really discuss. I'll just say that it is really important, but the needs of the Navy pulled that rug out from under him. They now need his "expertise" in working with the Aussies and Kiwis in what I can say as "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" negotiations. It is also great experience, and is basically what he did in North Africa 2 years ago, but just not what he thought he would be working on this time.

He is also trying to find a place to live and a car. He found a little VW Cabrio Convertible which makes sense since he is in Hawaii, but finding a place to live that is furnished, somewhat near work, takes pets, has more than 700 square feet, and isn't above $2000 a month is actually tough. Good thing he has time before I arrive.

I guess we are both settling in to our lives, our separate lives, once again. Today, it is a little depressing, but each day it gets easier.

A new baby on the way

My girlfriend in Atlanta just called me to tell me she is expecting her second child. Congratulations Jody, and many blessings to you, Drew, and Eric!

Simply

You do not have to
Look for anything, just
Look.
You do not have to
Listen for specific
Sounds, just
Listen.
You do not have to
Accomplish anything, just
Be.
And in the
Looking, and the
Listening, and the
Being, find
Me.

-Ann Lewin

Strange I tell ya

What does a Preying Mantis, the theme from the Odd Couple, and driving around parking lots trying to find a place to park at a football game all have in common? I have no freakin' idea, but they were all in my dreams last night. The Odd Couple? I haven't watched that show in years, maybe decades (frightening that I can say that). I can't even think of the tune right now, but I heard it clear as day when I woke from my dream and thought, "why am I hearing the Odd Couple?" I think I have bolt coming lose somewhere in this head of mine.

Weekend stuff

Friday we decided to catch some end of the season Fall colors. We headed up Little Cottonwood Canyon. Within moments of hitting the trail I tripped over a log and fell flat on my face. Not only did I rip through my pants, but somehow managed to tear my right shoe open as well. Sliced it across the top from big toe to little toe. I now have proof of my "balance challenged" ways. How I managed a left knee tear and a right shoe rip I'll never know. It is just one of the many talents that I have!
A lot of the color in the mountains had already fallen, but occasionally we would come across a patch of very golden Aspen trees.


Larry doesn't seem to get the "fake" kiss thing. Looks more like he is whistling





Saturday we were invited to the Football game (Larry is a member of the Varsity Alumni Club), so we ventured into the cold, wet weather to watch Utah beat San Diego. I spent most of the time bundled in a blanket reviewing my flash cards.

My Love

He cupped her face one last time, kissed her softly, and gave her a hug, "I love you" he whispered, trying to keep a straight face. She peered through her sunglasses, her vision becoming distorted as the tears began to build up in her eyes. "I will see you in a couple of weeks," she said struggling to sound positive, but the tears had begun to roll down her cheeks. He grabbed his suitcases from the trunk and gave her one last hug. She turned toward the car door that had been left ajar, "think of it like your going off to college...again," she laughed. He smiled back trying to play her game, but knowing it wasn't going to be that easy. He turned and walked towards the sliding glass doors. She got back in her car and drove out of the airport. Tears continued to drop from her eyes, pooling at the base of her sunglasses lens most of the way home. Her mind cycled through all the reasons this was a good thing, and that time will fly by between now and the end of the 8 months. As she got closer to the house, she began to feel ill knowing everything of him will be there; his dishes left in the sink from breakfast that morning, the same breakfast he requested every morning for the last three mornings, his unorganized papers thrown about, his dirty underwear on the floor, the smell of his shaving cream still lingering in the bathroom, the mark left in the unmade bed where he laid the night before, all of it would still be there like a ghost of a life that had suddenly ended.
She pulled into the garage and made her way to the house. She walked into the house, his presence was everywhere just like she had imagined, but instead of being consumed with grief she felt a small amount of joy because she knew love, real love, and how it means everything. She grabbed the kitten off the chair and kissed her head. Noticing a red blinking light coming from the answering machine, she played back the message. His voice played out like it had so many times before, "hey sweets, got on the plane, so I'll call you when I get there, love you." She smiled at hearing his voice. "I may be alone here today, but never in my heart," she thought to herself. "Love lives forever."

Larry left today after a crazy week of comings and goings. The Navy messed up his orders, so what was suppose to be a Wednesday departure ended up being a Sunday departure. I felt like I got away with something having him those extra days, but we took full advantage of the time together. I guess that is why we work so well together, we never take each other for granted. We both know that in one instance everything can change and today is all we have. It does make the trivial things of life seem so insignificant. Yes, I will be seeing him soon, and he will be coming home for the holidays, but it is not the same as him being home.

We both spent the morning wondering why we decided to do this. In the end, he wanted the experience and to spread his wings, and I love him enough to let him go. If the tables were turned, the same would be said for me. Love is not possessing, nor controlling. Love is love, it's pure and selfless and goes on forever.

A more complete thought

I came home from the Utah Football game and reread my last post. I may have not said exactly what I wanted to say the way I wanted to say it.

First and foremost, the Mormon religion is not my religion (obviously), and normally I am rather apathetic to personal belief systems because they are personal. Utah is different though. Unfortunately Mormon theology and practice infiltrates my life even if I don't want it to. It is part of living here. I have generally come to accept this aspect of my life.

When something like this comes along (women having to be mothers and nurtures with perfect, spotless houses and kids), my first thought is to ignore it like I do normally, but with this one topic, it really puts a burr under my skin because it also breeds a system of morality and culture that I will and do have to live under. With 60% LDS living in Utah, that means I have a good chance of working with or for someone who is LDS, maybe a man who is active that feels that all women should be home having babies and keeping house, or a woman who finds my lack of children to be offensive. I know it sounds extreme, but this place can be extreme at times. This does build a rather stressful situation for someone like me. And that is just at the small end of the spectrum. How do these ideas infiltrate policies and laws? Most members of the State House are....you guessed it....Mormon men. So as much as I would rather not have an opinion on anything relating to the LDS church, I cannot live with my head in the sand. I am confronted with the church and church dogma almost on a daily bases not because I look for it, but because it is everywhere and in most everyplace in some form or another. Sure I could move, but I like it here outside of the "moral" authority and majority. No place is absolutely perfect.

I also wonder what men think about this idea of being married to June Cleaver? Most men want their wives to work outside the home not only for extra money, but the self-confidence it can bring and a sense of purpose outside the home. What about men that are nurturers, maybe even more so than their wives? What if aDad wants to stay home and be the stay at home parent while the wife brings home the bacon? Isn't this sexism times two?
I, for one, am not allowed to iron clothes. Why? Because I am bad at it and could care less about improving my skills. Larry, however, trained by the Marine Corps, can get a shirt so stiff he can bounce a quarter off of it. So he does the ironing.
I think traditional roles are great if that is what one wants, but why should that be all folks are limited to?

Guess I don't know....

"Mothers who know desire to bear children. ... Prophets, seers, and revelators who were sustained at this conference have declared that "God's commandment for His children to multiply and replenish the earth remains in force." (LDS) President Ezra Taft Benson taught that young couples should not postpone having children and that "in the eternal perspective, children—not possessions, not position, not prestige—are our greatest jewels."

"Mothers who know are nurturers. ... Another word for nurturing is homemaking. Homemaking includes cooking, washing clothes and dishes, and keeping an orderly home. Home is where women have the most power and influence; therefore, Latter-day Saint women should be the best homemakers in the world. Nurturing mothers are knowledgeable, but all the education women attain will avail them nothing if they do not have the skill to make a home that creates a climate for spiritual growth. Growth happens best in a "house of order," and women should pattern their homes after the Lord's house."

Julie Beck
Relief Society
LDS Church

Normally I try and stay out of the religious issues regarding the place that I live...i.e. Utah. My motto is to let people live the way they see fit to run their lives even if that courtesy is not always returned back to me, but the topic above has been in the paper repeatedly over the last week and I just couldn't believe what I was reading. If this isn't contempt for any woman that does not fit this mold, I don't know what is. Apparently I don't know much of anything because I have not given birth, nor am I a nurturer because of the lack of little ones clinging to the edges of my skirt. I can consider myself lucky I don't have to listen to this drivel and take it as belief.

I understand this discussion has not been well received by most the LDS population as well (thank God!). It was a welcome relief to read Robert Kirby's column this morning and realize I did not go back in time to the Victorian era when I crossed the State line.

What is more strange about all this is that I caught a talk on KBYU not to long ago from another LDS woman who stated that all women, regardless of children or not, are all true nurturers of the earth. I was happy to hear this rather "liberal" (for most Mormon's anyway) view of women in their many different roles, and had begun to be seen as real people, not Leave it to Beaver Mom's. Obviously this recent discussion is a set back in this arena.

Since moving back here, I have found myself repeatedly running into folks that are leaving the church, have left the church, or no longer practicing. Now I know why.

No longer a brown-eyed girl

After downloading all the pictures we took from our trip to the park, I caught a glimpse of the color change in my eyes. I have noticed for a couple of years now that my eyes are changing from brown to green, but didn't think it was that noticeable. I guess it probably isn't to anyone else, but for me I have always loved my baby browns, and am not sure I want to see them go. I guess it is normal for eye color to change with age. I think I just expected them to go light brown, not dark green. Now just the center has brown color. I guess "brown-eyed girl" no longer applies. Yeah Right! I'll always be a brown-eyed girl, at least in spirit!

Fun in the Sun

It was a beautiful Autumn day, so Larry and I took advantage of it and headed to the park for an afternoon picnic. I also took the camera which made for an afternoon of "goofy" picture taking. There were also a few good shots of the park, mountains, and geese.

Imagine

I have been spending many cold mornings hitting the books these days. I have been studying a lot of the premiere theorists and philosophies of child development specifically pertaining to language development and the acquisition of language from about 25 weeks of gestation through about the age of five. Many of the theorist are the same folks that I studied in my Masters program 7 years ago. But this time around, other questions and thoughts started popping up in my mind. Questions that didn't necessarily pertain to a specific idea, concept, or theory, but more to the concept of learning itself and its broader scope.

Chomsky, Vygotsky, Skinner, and Piaget. These are some of the bigger names that most people would recognize in the realm of child/human/language development. They each come with their perspective of Nature vs. Nurture. Is the process of learning and/or language development due to the way the brain is wired; a cognitive development process, or is it something more environmental, more responsive? From these theories are additional expansions or strings of thought and theories that are built from the original idea. Once you begin to open the box, you find mountains of research that either confirm or reject some of these original ideas, or even come up with new, different ideas. This research is based on years, decades, even centuries of repeated quantitative and qualitative research, measurable facts and data. Studies after studies done to learn and gain knowledge to better understand a basic human function; the ability to acquire and develop speech and language.

I guess one may ask where I am going with all of this. As most things go with me, I am always challenging myself to try and understand the bigger picture. I ask the "why" questions and search to find answers to those questions, although there is never just the one black and white answer to most any question. As they say, there are always two sides to every story, or maybe three, four, hundreds or thousands. Yet, as a human I am always drawn to ask the question knowing that there will be no definable, easy answer. So as I read and study, notice the differences and the similarities in the research and theories, I begin to ask myself, "why is it okay to have a multitude of ideas about this aspect of human life, one which we not only enjoy the continued expanse of knowledge we gain from trial and error, but actually expect it, yet we still seem so stuck in the "one way" view of God." Yep, as I said, I was looking at the bigger picture, and with me that ends up at the meaning behind all things.

How is it that one can ask the questions to the most basic aspects of the human experience (language development), study it in depth, analyze, adjust, analyze again, come up with new knowledge, reconfirm old, and still have no true, one and only "fits all," answer for every person. Yet we must have a one idea, one philosophy, one concept of God? Something so complex, so intangible, but yet we fight over it because "we have it right and everyone else has it wrong." This I find incredible. We aren't even 100% sure why an infant at 4 days old begins to prefer his mother's voice over other voices, but we know what God's motivations were/are? We know this one view is more exact than all the others that came before it, or after it? How and why? Maybe to some this may seem trite and simplified, and maybe it is, but then doesn't that make these questions more intriguing? If it is more complex, then why shouldn't we treat as such rather than a cookie cutter answer for everyone?

Maybe someone reading this might think I am speaking from an Atheistic perspective, but I am not. I have beliefs of my own and find myself constantly asking questions and craving to learn more, but I find myself bumping into folks that don't understand why I would ask questions, to be uncertain, to explore, to keep myself open to new (and old) ideas and knowledge. How is it acceptable to continue to question our humanity and the human condition in every way except the soul and the meaning behind our lives?

To end this brain picking session, as of 2004, most researchers have reached a consensus that language development is 50% Nature 50% Nurture. Not a huge shock if even a bit rational, but research continues on in the attempt to learn more. Now if only religion could come to a similar agreement. Imagine what a peaceful world that would be.

Sweetness

I can't believe a week from today I will be dropping Larry off at the airport for an 8-month tour. It is one of those events that I have had in the back of my mind, but find myself to be pretty good at pretending that it is still far off. 7 days is all I have left to have him home. I am trying hard to find the good things in it, but bad and painful feelings make the good seem more elusive.
We are still trying to work out the details of my joining him starting in 08, but we have run into a couple of walls that may make me "moving" out more difficult. With time, I expect the answers to reveal themselves, and that whatever happens, happens for the best.
Recently, Larry and I heard this song on the radio. We kind of laughed at the "scares me to death when she thinks and drives" because it sounds a little familiar. Larry said the guy singing it must have been singing it about me (everybody say it......ahhhh....ain't that sweet). My forever romantic Scorpio husband still sees me as his special lady. What can I say, I got lucky!