Dreams of a Sugarplum Fairy

Last night my husband took me to see The Nutcracker for our anniversary. Since moving back to Utah, I have resumed my love of attending art performances. As a child I would attend Ballet productions as money would allow. I remember being so young that my parents would have to ball up their coats to be used as a booster seat, so that I may be able to see around the beehive hairdo in front of me. I remember when I was about 6 years old, leaning over to my mom and declaring "someday I am going to be the Sugarplum Fairy."
My eyes wide, mystified by the story being so elegantly played out before me, I would dream of the day when I would be dancing on my toes, my Cavalier lifting me high above his head, and my tiara sparkling in the stage lights with my legs suspended effortlessly into the air. This was my dream. This would be my moment in life.
Unfortunately that dream never did become a reality, but I still love the Ballet, love the movement, the art, talent, and the surreal dream that a ballet production becomes through hours, months, years, and lifetimes of hard work.
Last night was no different. I sat in that chair (sans coats underneath me) and entered into a perfect world of childhood mystery and grace. The 34 year old women I am today disappeared and once again became a 6 year old girl forever mystified by the beauty displayed before me.

In Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker Suite there is a piece called the Pas de Deux. This is a dance where the Sugarplum Fairy and her Cavalier dance together. The music is one of the most beautiful pieces ever created, at least to me. It is a series of crescendos followed by diminuendos. Building the anticipation and then back down, up and down, up and down, until it reaches its climax with two Cymbals smashing into one another. Like clockwork, year after year, when that climax happens my chest fills with such emotion that I can't hold it in anymore and tears begin to roll down my face. No matter how hard I try to hold back, I can't. It just takes me in. I love it.

When I got home, I dug through my old chest and found my old toe shoes still tied together the way I left them many years ago. Here they are....








I think there was some dried blood in one of them. Blood, sweat, and tears as they say.

It was a great night filled with great memories. If you get a chance to see The Nutcracker or even just listen to The Suite, it is well worth it. The title of this post is a link to a wikipedia explanation of the story of The Nutcracker. William Christensen was the choreographer that brought The Nutcracker to the U.S. in 1944. He was also the man who started Ballet West here in Salt Lake. I had the privilege to dance for him....once. He wouldn't remember me, but I will always remember him.