MY Utah

Over the last week, I have been a witness to, like the rest of the world, the removal of women and children from the FLDS compound in El Dorado, Texas. I have had to answer the phone and emails from people that are shocked that this practice is still alive and well. Since I live in Utah, it must be common to see people wandering around town in "Little House on the Prairie" attire, right? Do I know any polygamists? Is that what it's really like to live in Utah? And why on earth do you live there?

Yep, and visiting Italy is like going to the Olive Garden! Justifying why I make my home in Utah to the outside world has to be one of the more exasperating topics. Another is when you cross state lines, and in conversation it leaks out that you are from Utah. Normal responses: A) strange look, darting eyes, and the sound of egg shells cracking in the background until I say "no I'm not Mormon," followed by a breath of relief and an offer to buy me a drink, or B) a look of excitement, followed by "so are you LDS (only LDS ask if your LDS, everyone else asks if your Mormon)?" and then a disappointed look when you say "No" and that strange silence that follows when suddenly they don't know how to talk to you anymore.

I would like to write here and tell everyone that passes by this page that in fact there is much more to Utah than the Mormon Church because there is. I would write this with conviction, after all I chose to move back here after being gone for 14 years. I would give you the run down of all the things that brought me back; the beautiful environment, the wide open spaces, the mountains, the outdoor lifestyle, the four distinct seasons, the dry mountain air, the small but thriving Arts community, and the large numbers of highly educated individuals (per capita). I could go on and on about all the reasons I chose to move back, but I do have to concede that the invasive policies of the Mormon church and the behavior of its members could, in fact, be the reason that I could leave.

I know that sounds harsh, but it is the truth nonetheless. No, it is not easy living here. I recently heard from a old friend who was and is Mormon and whom, after spending his entire life in Zion, chose to move down South for better work opportunities. He made a comment to me after a visit back to Utah that has stuck with me for sometime now. He said, "I am surprised by the lack of tolerance by the people there." He was not conciliatory in his remark, just matter of fact, as if this intolerance was a small, almost microscopic blemish of lipstick on an otherwise perfectly white, crisp collar. I do wish that more Utah Mormons would take a chance and leave the warmth and comfort of the "bubble," go out into the world, and hopefully get rid of that "we are the center of world" smugness that tends to permeate this state. Even if it is only an small awareness that all is not as "perfect" as it seems in Mormonland.

Utah is complex, and a challenge for me. I would have to say the most striking change I have had to become accustomed to is this peculiar contempt for all people, Mormons and "non" Mormons alike. After living in other states, traveling some of the world, you learn quickly what it means to be an adult, and how it feels to be treated as an adult. Here...well... not so much. There is this tendency for some to think they need to tell you what is best for you. Your choices may not be the best ones after all, and they will be quick to tell you as much. Especially as a woman, you find that most men don't take you seriously. "Your just so cute and spunky! And can we talk to your husband?" You can only imagine the response that gets from me. It is the cost in living in a Patriarchal society. It is a cost that I have seriously taken into contemplation of whether it is something I can live within.

It can't be all that bad, right? I can honestly say that most days I do enjoy my time here, but I love the outdoors. There are days, however, that make me want to pack up and leave, especially during the Legislative session. This writing is about expressing some of my own personal experiences and feelings about being "the outsider." To be honest there are probably more "outsiders" than there are "insiders," but that is the quandary about living here. There are a lot of us "nonsies" around the Beehive State, and a large chunk of "not active" folks as well. However, the government of the state is still very entrenched in the LDS faith. I believe I read that although the state is 60% Mormon, 90% of the Utah Congress is. Such an imbalance gives the perception that the Mormon church is the "only" church in the state, which in turn is very well represented in the government. That also means their value system is spun throughout the law and policies, some good some bad. All local politics are representative of the people that live within that locality. This is nation wide. But usually not at the expense of personal freedoms, and with an understanding and respect for the line between church and state.

My Aunt recently shared with me a story about looking for a home to retire to in a small town in Southern Utah. They came across the perfect home and town and decided it was THE place for them. That was until someone came up to them and said "in this town you better be in the pews on Sunday or you will never be welcome." That pretty much sealed the deal and they moved on. Intolerance? Yes. Cruel? Yes. Prejudicial? HELLO. Ignorant? You could say that. I guess it's better to have a home with no residents than a home with the wrong kind of residents.

I am fortunate to live in a community that is more diverse. If I didn't live where I do, I would have probably packed up and left a few months after landing here. I am amazed at how selective my memory was. I had also told myself, "just ignore them and they will ignore you." Yes that's all fine and dandy, but who the hell wants it? I don't want to ignore people, nor do I want to be ignored. I don't want to live with my head it the sand and pretend the church and members don't exist, nor should they act like I don't exist. The religion of The Saints is everywhere and in everything. There is no getting away from it. Even when you think you have found something resembling life outside of Utah (brew pub), you find that its motivations are somewhat encouraged by NOT being the church (Polygamy Porter). It is almost as exhausting dealing with those that hate the church as those who love it. And do they ever feed on each other. Piranhas are more diplomatic! At least you know their motivations.

I have spent too much time wondering to myself, Why? Why the separatism? Why the legalistic society? Why the unjustified judgements of character and morals? What is this seed of hate and who made it? After trying to learn a bit more about the Mormon faith I came up with one conclusion. It is actually quite simple, but it makes all the difference in how people view themselves, their place in the world, and their views of those unlike them. It consists of 3 simple words, "Only True Church." I don't think there are stronger words that can combine to fuel so much contempt for others.
The Mormons aren't the only ones who believe this, there are many religions who also share in this notion of "me so special." It is a bit different though, when you live in a society where so many believe it to be true that the ugliness of it spreads like wildfire, the resultant being extremely damaging, and not only to those they offend, but also to themselves (pride and arrogance). It breeds children that make fun of other children that aren't members, and it breeds parents that condone it. I have a girlfriend that lives as a Catholic in a primarily Mormon neighborhood. The kids on the street are not "allowed" to play with her kids. No reasoning for this alienation is offered, they just aren't allowed. Sadly, there are many stories too much like hers, including my own childhood.

As far as the whole polygamy aspect? Well my knowledge is that yes it was practiced (via revelation) by Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and many others until it was again "revealed" that it was wrong to do so. The current LDS believe in a "continuing revelation," and my assumption is that their God often changes his mind, producing conflicting requirements (polygamy, back to no polygamy in about 60 years). There is some contention about whether or not polygamy will be practiced in the life after their Earthly existence for the most worthy of members depending on an interpretation of a particular Mormon scripture (D&C 132), but to be honest I could give a rat's you-know-what about what people do in the here after. I don't even care if people want to engage in polygamous affairs, as long it is among consenting adults, not children, and not while stiffing tax payers with the bill. As far as I know, the Earthly practice of polygamy and the differing prophets are the major religious differences between modern day Mormons and the Fundamental LDS. Then again I am no expert on the subject, nor do I want to be.
The problem is that the FLDS have stuck with the original revelation by Smith regarding marriage, and have not conceded to the current dogma of "one man, one woman" now practiced by the LDS. There is a TON of info out there, both from LDS sources and non LDS sources regarding polygamy and the Mormon Church. Have at it, and answer your own curiosities if you find it interesting.

I have no idea if Utah will be my home for all my days. No one can really know if where they are now is where they will be later on. Life offers changes, challenges, and opportunity. I will concede that not one thing has gone as I had planned when moving here. Not one! But it has opened my eyes and made me see not only the place I live, but who I am and what I want. Utah is quirky to say the least. But all things must have a ying to their yang. As it is quirky, it is also one of the most beautiful places on Earth, and I love that part of it. I think in any place you can find your home, and I understand that one must make peace with the things that cannot be changed, accepting it for what it is. The question I have for myself is whether or not I can actually do that, if I can live here knowing that things won't change, at least not in my lifetime.