Happy Thanksgiving

I think it is pretty easy to see what I am Thankful for this year. Have a great Thanksgiving Holiday!

"Absence diminishes small loves and increases great ones, as the wind blows out the candle and blows up the bonfire." -- François de La Rouchefoucauld

Some pictures

Here are a couple of photos that I took while in Hawaii. I actually didn't spend that much time with the camera, as I was spending more time with Larry and visiting Condos for him. I did take some photos of the Palace, but they are on my cell phone. I forgot to take the camera that day. I will have to download those photos later.

Honolulu/Waikiki from our hotel room looking towards the city. Daytime and night time.

Narcissism in a nutshell

For the last month I have been living in a vacuum of sorts. I stopped getting the paper and rarely watch television which includes the news. I have been comfortably ignorant regarding local issues. That being said, I have also felt out of the loop about what is going on in the state, county, and city. Yesterday, I started my newspaper delivery once again. It didn't take long for me to regret this decision. This morning the front page read "Utah less Mormon than ever." My first thought was, "why is this news, let alone front page news? Where is the news about the thousands dead and displaced in Bangladesh? Oh, that's right, that's on page 6, where a story about the dead and demoralized gets an afterthought, but hey falling Mormon numbers in the center of world, i.e. Utah, is far more important."

This is my number one complaint about living here. It is non stop Mormon this, Mormon that, Mormon everything. Ironic then, that this article reveals that Utah is at its lowest numbers EVER on percentage of Mormons (60%) living in the state based on church numbers given to the state. Even more revealing is that by their own admission (the church) only half of those 60% have anything to do with the church (attendance, tithing, etc...). So much for Utah being a "Mormon only" state. To be honest, after living here in the 80s when Mormon growth was at its heyday, vs now when it is at its lowest, it doesn't take much to see the change. Just spending time in and around the area I live, I begin to see things more clearly (the ward building in my neighborhood has been vacant for over a year) and rarely do I find there is an Us vs Them mentality. Strange then, the paper feels the need to continue propagating this divide. I believe the quote that really makes this sentiment clear is when the "journalist" states...

"as the population continues to change, Utah Mormons will see their neighborhoods become more religiously diverse, children will have more non-Mormon friends and consequently more of them will have their faith tested more than ever before."

Read that last statement once more, "more of them will have their faith tested more than ever before." So am I to believe that this "journalist" (not to mention the editor) believes that individuals of other faiths or of no faith that move in to these pristine Mormon neighborhoods will bring forth temptation and a scourge of evil that will taint the minds and heart of the ever so devout and faithful? I don't believe I could possibly think of a better example of narcissism or even religious discrimination. I don't know, but it has that even so subtle sheen of "we don't want those black folks movin' in cause they'll ruin this community and drop our property values."

I find this all so revolting and disgusting. Is this really what Mormons believe? My own childhood experience says "yes" in fact they do, but even I can't bring myself to believe that all of them do, not today. I have to believe that statements like this are made from a bygone era of the old and narcissistic Mormon that is in a clash with a younger generation that couldn't possibly think that sharing a neighborhood with those of different faiths is a bad thing. This is global world now. There is no I'm Right and Your Wrong (unless your a crazy wacko that likes flying planes into buildings). Not to mention that by living a life of such intolerance leaves one to live a life alone and afraid, looking out into the world with a scowl on their face and bitterness on their breath. I believe that most Mormons want to share their lives with others and not be seen as weird, mean, elitist people. After all, my Mormon neighbors hold the annual ice cream party every summer on our street. They are wonderful, lovely people who could care less about anyone's religion.

Unfortunately, this is the poopy part of living in this beautiful state, having to constantly be barraged with "Mormon foot in mouth" in what should be unbiased reporting and information sources. I don't know if I will continue my subscription to the paper. I wish I had an alternative for news, but I have found what is available is very limiting.

I am, of course, ever so happy to see the changes happening here; the diversity of culture and belief. I love feeling part of a community and not as the ostracized outcast of my childhood. Now if only we could get the mouthpieces in the state to be more representative of the population, not just the other-than-Mormon (I hate the word non-Mormon, it is so.....well...narcisstic) population, but the ENTIRE population. That will be the day, one I am anxiously waiting for.

I made it back

After an enchanting few days, I am home again trying to adjust to cold temperatures, a quiet home, and some serious jet lag. I spent the last 5 days in O'ahu visiting Larry. I thought I might not make it. My initial plan was to leave here on Friday, but was hit with either a stomach flu or some food poisoning the day before. I was one sick pup and thoroughly exhausted. I decided not to push the Friday flight, choosing to get better and try for Saturday instead. It worked out that I wouldn't have made it on Friday anyway, no seats. I managed to be one of the lucky one's that got on the Saturday flight.

Larry surprised me when I arrived with some amazing smelling leis and a hotel room on the beach at Waikiki. I was pleasantly surprised with this little get-away. Usually when I visit, I stay with him on base at Pearl Harbor. Not that it is bad, but it isn't really us getting away together (he is usually working as well). We had two glorious days soaking up the sun, and moonlit nights walking up and down the beach. Another reason for my visit was to help Larry decide on a place to live. He had been struggling with the cost vs. amenities, so I was able to help him make a choice and I think he will be very happy with his/our decision. It is a fully furnished condo so there is no need to spend time and money to buy stuff to get settled only to have to get rid of it upon leaving the island. All he needs are his clothes and a trip to the grocery store. It is also centrally located to everything he needs to get to, which I find more important that spending an hour driving in traffic so you can see the sun set over the water (if your lucky to make it in time).

Most of the time was spent just talking with him again, face to face. It was so nice to be with him, to be happy and optimistic about our future. Sometimes dreams don't feel real unless I can share them with him.

On Tuesday and Wednesday Larry did have to work, so I took the car ( a cute VW Cabrio convertible) and made my way through the crazy streets of Honolulu and surrounding areas. I didn't make many mistakes, not too many u-turns, but did struggle to find parking. One of the days, I made my way to 'Iolani Palace. It was very interesting as I do not know much about Hawaiian culture or history. I found it very informative and also quite sad. Much like the dissolution of the Native Americans here in the states, the peoples of the island were pretty much destroyed by the Americanization of the islands. They now cling to the hope of keeping some amount of their culture alive. As a traveler, I always seek to know the place that I visit, not just the tourist areas with all the restaurants and shopping. I can do that here, but I can't visit the Queen's palace, or hike Diamond Head here, so those are the places I like to spend my time.

I also found out that I will be making at least one trip next year to Australia with Larry. He is part of the Navy attache that will be conducting meetings there, so I will be making it a little trip for myself as well. I think that will only leave South America and the Poles left to step foot on.

My flight home was....well...hell. To be honest, I don't expect much for a red-eye, but it is just miserable to leave at 11 p.m. and then arrive at 8 a.m. the next morning without getting more than a wink of sleep (yes, next to me was the 3 year old passing the time kicking me...FUN). It pretty much kills the day. The head feels cloudy. Speaking of heads feeling cloudy, my last blood test came back on Tuesday and my doctor called me to tell me she is changing me to Armour Thyroid which is what I was going to ask to be put on anyway. I have heard a lot of good things about it, so I am really hoping this will be the medication that will work for me. What makes it appealing for me is that as the thyroxine (T-4) replacement has not helped my numbers go down which demonstrates that the problem is with my brain, and not so much my thyroid (the thyroid is the result of another deficiency). Literally, my brain chemistry is off. Armour offers a mix of T-3 and T-4 which has been proven to help folks like me. Here's to hoping that's the case!

I was going to download photos from my trip, but I am too tired and feel like I just want to have a little dinner and then hit the hay. The photos will have to wait till next time.

Aloha!

Wishing myself luck

I hope to be sitting on a beautiful warm beach listening to the waves break against the shore this weekend. The flights are "iffy" so here's to wishing me luck!

Aloha! (I hope)

My guy won, vouchers lost, and a new school district to be born

Yesterday was election day in our fair city. For me, a city resident, the mayoral race was big. Fortunately, my guy, Ralph Becker, won by a landslide. After 3 years of Rocky, I am ready for a change. I love what Rocky has done to make the city green and give it an environmental purpose, but his lack of "diplomatic" skills began to rub me raw. He doesn't work well with others (is that a good way to put it?). I think Ralph with his many years of planning experience as well as years in the state House will help things happen. He is looking to the future and has a blueprint for what the city can become. I like that.

Vouchers lost BIG time. Even I was surprise by how much. I think people here want the public school system to shape up and get the funding it needs. It is a huge wake up call for the legislature as they made it law last year without putting it to vote. After many complaints, the Governor decided that the people should decide, so he put it on the ballot. Vote we did! In the exact opposite of the elected leaders (the legislature). Hopefully the people see how out of touch these guys are when they go to the ballot box next year to reelect them.

The Jordan School district has been ousted, at least on the East side (east of the I-15). I am really surprised by this one. The east side-ers decided to break off from the Jordan school district and form their own. That means that the Jordan school district will be funded only by west side neighborhoods for west side schools. I am still unsure of what I think about this. My first thought is that this new district will be an elitist one because of the area that it will serve. I will have to see how this one will play out.

Life is good

I just had one of those really great days. Those days that you know everything is going to work out a-okay, not perfect, but really good. I feel like things are moving into place and I am happy. I feel lucky and grateful to have someone in my life that loves me and supports me more than anyone else has in my entire life. He is heaven sent.

Today was a great day, and now I hear the music calling me from the other room. I think it is time to dance!

Individual Choice

I was up late last night, struggling to find the sandman to put me to sleep. Around 11:30 (that is late for me) I got on the computer to look up something of which I cannot recall now. The reason behind my absent recollection is that I was instead caught off guard by an email I had received from my sister-in-law. It stopped me stone cold, made my blood start to boil, and my heart to race.

So what was in the email to have caused such a reaction? Well let me give you a little background about my sister-in-law. When I was first married, she and I were fairly close. We lived in different worlds, she a house wife and a mother of 3 children. I was a young, military wife and college student full of optimism and dreams. They were largely poor, but had a loving family, something that I greatly admired about my husbands family. A few years after I married into the family, she decided she wanted to have another baby. I found this odd because financially they were unable to make ends meet with the children they already had. She would tell me how she had to charge their groceries on a credit card, that she didn't know how they were going to make ends meet, and how lucky Larry and I were because we had all this extra money to travel (luck had nothing to do with it), etc... . So I was surprised at this choice to have another mouth to feed. I got the feeling she was grabbing a straws about what to do with her life now that the children were getting older.

I have always been at odds with this type of thinking. I have been told to my face that Larry and I are selfish because we don't have children. WE are selfish? Hummm. See... now I find CHOOSING to have a child, knowing full well you have no means to care for the child, even feed the child, meanwhile continuing to live off your parents while in your mid 30s sounds just a wee bit more selfish than making a decision not to have a child until it is determined, by us, the right time to do so. Not to mention that once she had this child she realized that they might have to go bankrupt. Her response was to ask her parents, my husband's parents, to buy them a house so they could get out of their financial problems.

This is when things got bad, and sadly haven't really gotten better between her and I. Larry and I finally put our foot down and told her to stop expecting her parents to keep bailing her out. We all make choices and we all have to live with them. Finally, the light bulb went off in her head when she realized she was about to lose everything. She decided, with her parents help of course, to go back to school to become a teacher. She did it, and I admire her for finally taking the bull by the horns and being responsible for her own choices.

What does this all have to do with the email? Well, about the same time that crisis hit, she found a new level of God, or maybe religion might be more appropriate. Now I understand we all have our own paths to take, and it is usually during a low point that we began to see we are not alone and that there is a light reaching out and within each of us. She was already a religious person, but this event took it to a whole new level. Suddenly, she became a fundamentalist and extremely judgmental towards any non Christian or even a Christian that wasn't her type of Christian (moi included). She started watching the 700 club and fully embraced their bigotry and hatred all under the guises of Christianity. I will admit here that as I criticize her for her "extreme" beliefs, I know that I am not perfect and have been known to say things against another I later regret. I do make mistakes. The difference is that I know that I do, and try to make amends for it if possible.

After this happened (her conversion to extreme faith), the family dinner discussions became very ugly and nasty. Suddenly this "love in Christ" family had no problem bashing a Muslim or a Jehovah Witness, not to mention anyone (including myself) that wasn't on the Bush/Evangelical crusade to make this country a "Christian America." As I respect all opinions, I chose not to make it an issue, but the result was that neither I nor my husband wanted to spend Thanksgiving dinner listening to tirades about the "liberal" media and the "evil" ACLU, or about those damn "environmentalist" getting in the way of "progress" (knowing full well I was and I am very passionate about the environment). It made me extremely uncomfortable and my stomach upset.

The "relationship" between me and my sister-in-law now consists of forwarded emails from her usually consisting of either political bashing of one person or party, a religious email bashing one religion or another, or a nice mixture of the two. My normal response is to hit the delete button before it downloads. Last night, however, I received a rather venomous email of which I could not ignore. It had to do with the book and upcoming movie, The Golden Compass.

The guts of the email is fear based on an Atheist writer and how he and his books are out to convert all children into little atheist creatures of the night. It is obvious that most likely the person that wrote the email, and those hitting the forward button have not read this or any of this author's books. The book was not what was important to me, but rather this reasoning that somehow the people (writing and condoning the information within the email) have convinced themselves that this book will somehow make children anti-Christians and devil worshippers therefore it behoves us all to ban/boycott this book from the shelves of our youth. The context of the email has undertones that an evil "book reader" might slip your kid a little som'n like a page or two of the book, and if that happens....well hold on because your child will now become a full fledged Satan worshipper that wants gay people to have the right to be married! Oh the horror of it all!

What a slippery slope, don't ya think? And why is that all of these people so eager to rid society of this piece of literature, have given over so much power over to a book? Fear rules them, not Christ. How could one of such strong faith be so easily converted to evil because of a book about a little girl's adventures, a parallel world, and souls that take the form of animals? Even if they do find the material offensive, no one is holding their hand over a flame and making them read this book or watch the movie, yet they feel compelled to do what they can to remove this book from the lives of all children. Isn't that a personal and familial decision based on what that person or family decides is right for them and them alone?

Imagine a world without To kill a Mockingbird, The Scarlett Letter, Of Mice and Men, The Grapes of Wrath, or even The Bible (gasp!). All these books, to name a few, have been either banned or contested at one time or another. Some are still being contested. Can you imagine these works not being apart of our literature collections? Now I am not saying The Golden Compass is on par with these novels, but if they can be banned why couldn't anything or everything? Who determines what is "approved" and what isn't. I'll tell you who...YOU and no one else. How far will things have to go before people start opening their minds and using that brain God gave them? Will we have to relive yet another period of book burning before people start to see how their fear and actions based in fear will corrupt our society?

As my blood began to curdle, I felt I needed to tell my sister-in-law where I stood on the subject of censorship, and the moral, Christian elite. I dare say I probably pissed her off, so what's new? I just cannot stand by and not say anything when it comes to books. I believe it blackens the heart of this country. It is her choice, not some propaganda machine, to decide if it is appropriate material for her children. Start taking back your own power dear sister-in-law, you'll find freedom of choice and a fearless strength in your faith.

Is it me, or do I sound Republican here? Strange...who would have thought that would ever happen?

Just in case your interested: a list of banned/contested books.

“You don’t have to burn books to destroy a culture. Just get people to stop reading them.”

~Ray Bradbury

Nostalgia

This morning as I was studying and doing stuff around the house, this song from Boston came through the satellite and immediately I was transported back in time to an amazing event in my life when I was 17. I was on a church mission trip to Mexico to build houses for a few weeks in the summer of 1989. It was an amazing journey, one that is encased in the music of Boston. David, one of my friends who was also on the trip, loved Boston and played their music over and over again on the trip down to Mexico and back.
All these years later, when I hear this song, or any Boston music for that matter, I reflect on one of the biggest life changing moments of my life. I remember that feeling of ultimate freedom and charity. I remember what my hopes and dreams for my life were and still are. I hear these songs and I remember what is important to me and who I am. Funny how some old 80s band can forever be burned into your memory. Then there was the song "Windy" from the summer before, but that's a story for another day.

Pretending

Last Sunday, I received a phone call from my step-dad. I haven't heard from or seen the man since last Christmas. He lives less than 10 miles away from me, but has done nothing to maintain any kind of relationship with me. To be completely honest, I prefer it that way. I had hoped that I wouldn't hear from him again, but a holiday/birthday rolled around and I guess he decided to do the obligatory "dad" thing and do his duty to wish Larry a Happy Birthday. I informed him that Larry was not here and how he could reach him. As of today, Larry has still not received the all important birthday phone call from him. Halloween night I received another message from him stating "well, I have a little something for him, and for you too," never mind that my birthday was 5 months ago.

There comes a time in a persons life when they finally go "that's it, I am not wasting my life pretending there is any kind of relationship here." That is where I am. He was an asshole to me as a child and he is still an asshole. WHY must I have anything to do with the man? Because some legal document says that he is my Father therefore I MUST have a relationship with him. It is pointless. Familial relationships, or any deep, meaningful relationship does not come from a legal requirement or even blood, it has to do with honor, trust, respect, kindness, compassion, commitment, and all the elements that consist of and make up love. When one does not have love in a relationship, especially one between and child and parent, there is NO relationship. It just becomes about hanging on to something that isn't, and in this case, was never there.

I have struggled for many years, yearning to rid myself of this man. The first time I did it, my mother guilted me into accepting him back into my life. Most recently, with this sudden silence on his end, I had hoped that he was finally getting it. Maybe he had begun to understand the concept of trimming back the shrub, seeing the limbs long dead needing to be removed. That is how I feel, and I had hoped he had felt the same. Apparently I was wrong as he still finds some satisfaction in being "pretend" dad by calling on major holidays.

I'll admit I am an "all or nothing" type personality. I give my all to things/people I value and that value me, or I give relatively little to where there is no value. I cannot do the "pretend" aspect of a relationship. I might go months between talking to my sister, but since our relationship has all the elements of love, the lack of words between us is not an issue. I cannot continue to pretend to love a person with whom I have none of the elements of love. One could argue that in fact this particular relationship consists of elements of the exact opposite, contempt, guilt, anger, possessiveness, etc... .

I now have to figure out how best to proceed. I have been known for putting it all out there, being upfront and completely honest, but that hasn't worked in the past with him, why would it now? Plus there is my sister that is still hanging on to the man for some parental affirmation. She cannot see him the way I do, and cannot cut ties like me, so out of respect for her I find myself in a sticky situation. Right now, the best I can think of is to hope for a slow death and decay, a withered vine scenario. Maybe with time, he will realize that there is no relationship and nothing worth keeping in touch with me for. I don't need him for anything anymore. The time for that has passed and he failed miserably at it. It is unfortunate, but at least it's real.

A simple post

Just a great song today. I love Peter Murphy and this is one of my favorites. His music is so poetic.

Enjoy

Happy Halloween

Making Lemonade

After my pity party ended (I gave myself an evening of moping around), I decided the best thing to do was to make myself busy. I started Saturday morning with the one thing I had not managed to clean, my fridge. Now I had emptied it out, but I had not actually scraped the dried on milk, chocolate sauce, and whatever else had adhered to the glass. Shortly afterwards I realized that all my food was in the trash and I was in need of some nourishment.

This is my fridge after a trip to the store. Yes, I know this looks bad (she actually took a picture of her fridge....how sad), but stick with me, I think it gets better (no guarantees though).

I then made my way to a consignment shop where I had some items I was trying to sale. Fortunately, everything had managed to sale. Unfortunately, the money I made didn't last long since I wandered around the store and found this incredible buy...

This antique chair had originally been listed for $500 at the shop, but no takers, so I got it for $100. Having worked with fabrics a bit in my life, I can tell you the fabric and upholstery job cost more that $100. I thought it would make the perfect reading chair. Having sat in it a few times now, I can say that it is!
I also stopped by a home store and picked up a few frames for some photos. I finally framed my photos from Morocco after 2 years. I hung them up in the living room. I think they turned out pretty good.

Saturday also included some laborious work. The leaves covering the lawn outside had become a few inches thick , and I thought it might be smart to start digging through. This has to be one of my least favorite jobs (somehow Larry always seems to be out of town for this one....hmm).

Over the last few years, I have gone from spending days raking up the damn things, to sucking them up with my lawn mower which takes forever as the lawn bag fills up after one row of mowing. Last year, I decided to do the compost thing. I put the mower on compost which shreds everything up into little pieces. Afterwards, I go back over with the bag on the mower to suck up the remains. This makes for a speedy process.
My neighbor, on the other hand, is the typical guy in that he has fallen for the latest gadget that will "save him time" dealing with those pesky leaves. It is like the reverse of a leaf blower, but rather than blow the leaves, it sucks them up. You still have to rake them into a pile and suck them one by one into this little bag which fills up quickly and has to be transferred to another bag. You probably think this would take a long time, and you would be right. As I started my work, he was working on his front yard making his little soon to be sucked piles. I swept up three bags of leaves from the driveway, got out my mower, chopped up the leaves, mowed the lawn, sucked up the leaf pieces of the entire back yard and side yard while he managed to get through about 1/4 of his many piles. HAHAHA. Nothing like a resourceful woman who knows how to get it done!! Of course, he did waste considerable time with the "guys" standing around admiring his new gadget.

Later that evening, my friend Jed and I decided to get together to catch up. I invited him over for some Harvest soup and he made dessert. We ate good chow and played Jenga while watching Fargo. It was a good, low key evening.

Sunday I mowed the front yard, a task which is an exercise in futility because as soon as you remove the leaves, more leaves fall to take their place. This is a picture of the morning after...

Unbelievable! Why even bother? I guess it will make for a nice Halloween though. Sunday afternoon Jed and I decided to head to the library to study. He is in an MBA program, and although we aren't studying the same material, it is nice to have someone to chat with and be that kick in the pants to get focused. Plus I got to enjoy the day at the beautiful downtown library.

After a few hours at the library, I ran home to make yet another pot of Harvest Soup with Cornbread for another dinner with friends. This time it was Kay and Jolene. What can I say, soup is good, easy, inexpensive, and perfect for this time of year. This recipe never fails. It is in the Mormon Cookbook. No, you don't have to be Mormon to eat or enjoy this food. It has a lot of the recipes that I grew up on, so I they remind me of my younger days.

As I did the dishes later that night, I realized that although I wasn't with Larry, I didn't do too shabby for a "lonely" lady. I kept myself productive and rather busy. I suppose it's like they say, "make lemonade when your handed a bag of lemons." It might not have been the best lemonade, but it wasn't half bad.

Adult Humor (or is it Juvenile Humor??)

Larry sent me a pretty funny email this afternoon. He was, of course, careful to say that it didn't apply to us....



Three stages of a man's life:

Single


Married


Divorced


Any Questions?



I will probably burn in feminist hell for this, but I thought it was pretty damn funny.

Happy Birthday to my one and only

Today my husband turns 40. I can't believe that I have known him since he was 22, but yet he still seems so young to me. It is his exuberance for love and life that made me fall in love with him instantly all those years ago, and it is the same attribute that I still love about him today. He has always told me that it is I that have shown him how to live free and openly, to experience life to the fullest. Well, if it is I that taught him to live life, then it is he who has outdone me in the doing of living life. Now I learn from him.
Today he is 40 years young with more energy and vitality than most half his age. Here's to 40 more sweetie! I am looking forward to growing old, wrinkled, and grey with you because together we will always be young at heart.

Before Larry left we had a pseudo birthday because I knew I wouldn't be making a cake for him in Hawaii. I guess we will be having another pseudo birthday when I finally get there. It will be more like a Birthday Season rather than a Day.


It is funny to look at him staring at all the candles on his cake because he looks like the clipart I chose for this post. He looks so happy and youthful.



I was trying to think of a song to add to this post that wouldn't be cheesy and gooey. I recalled a recent conversation we had when he asked me what song or band reminds me of him and my answer was the 80s group Madness. When we were younger he used to love listening to them, so here is a little Birthday "Madness."

Happy wind sailing today, sweetie. Hope you catch some good waves.

Stuck

This seems to be a reoccurring theme in my posts: I am suppose to be in Hawaii right now, but I am stuck here. See.....sounds familiar if you been reading me for a while. Yes, I was planning on visiting with my hubby this weekend, especially since it is his birthday on Sunday...the big 4-0! However, I was unable to catch the direct flight from SLC, nor the LAX stop over. Apparently UEA weekend means "let's get out of Utah." What happened to just going up to the mountains and slaughtering animals? I think it used by called "hunting recess" back in the day. Apparently that isn't the case anymore.

After spending 4 hours trying to get out of dodge, I made my way back at home and began sulking. Nothing like expecting to be gone for six days only to find yourself back home sitting in your anally clean house because your aunt was coming over to watch the cats and didn't want a messy house to be seen as a case of the blues so you spent 2 days cleaning until your hands cracked, now eating cold, dried out pizza because you threw everything else out of the fridge since you were going to be gone for a week and didn't want to have green monsters growing out of the fridge eventually taking over the house. Whew....how's that for a run on tirade? It was just plain depressing.

In addition to missing my husbands birthday, some of Larry's co-workers are throwing a big party on Saturday with Karaoke (clothing optional.....ya right). I was so looking forward to getting down with Neil Diamond on the Karoke machine. The party is for one of the Aussies Larry works with who is going back to Australia. Anyway, it was going to be a great weekend, and now I won't be there.
The only good thing out of all this was meeting a women who works in neuro-feedback with brain damaged children (she noticed my study cards) and gave me her website info for her business which has had amazing success with children and speech therapy. Surprisingly, she also uses dogs as therapy aides with these kids to help them focus (the dog sitting next to her was what got me talking to her). I have always wanted to get into therapy animals. I know what a value animals have been in my own life and my own healing. Apparently she has had great success with these dogs and the children's neuro-feedback. I am rambling here, but it was an interesting coincidence.
I also met some other frustrated stand-by passengers wondering what happened to our so called "benefits." It is always interesting meeting people in the airport. Everyone always has a story of where they have been and where they are going. Kind of like meeting people in a place called "going nowhere for now," or "pause button." A place of transition, and me....well I was a Chatty Cathy for some reason. I just started up conversations with people. My husband's extroversion must be rubbing off on me. I also started a new book, Into the Wild, which appears to be a pretty easy, but interesting read. I can relate a lot to the boy in the book. I'll review it at a later time (if I remember to).

More rambling....I must be getting tired. Well...now I am here typing away, dreaming of sunsets on the beach, warm sand, Mai Tai's, and afternoon rainbows. I guess I will have to wait a little while longer before my dreams can become a reality.

Halloween Fun

Someone emailed this to me and I thought it was pretty funny and sick as well. Not for kids.

Changing plans

As the old saying goes "life is what happens when your busy making plans." I thought when we moved back to Salt Lake that would be all-she-wrote for us. We would settle into our life here and not look to leave. I am still not looking to leave, but after a long conversation with Larry last night I began to see that my plans may have to change. Larry has long wanted to fly for Delta mainline since he entered the airline piloting profession in 2001. It now looks very probable that may happen after many years of waiting in the wings. If it does happen (knock on wood) there is a very good chance that he will be based in Atlanta before being senior enough to move back to Salt Lake. He also might be moving back down to Pensacola for a command spot at his old Naval reserve unit after this stint in Hawaii. This makes living here seem more like a pain in the butt than an enjoyment, at least for now. As we talked we came to an agreement that it doesn't make sense to stay here if we can't be together, especially as we look to the near future of wanting a family. The only conclusion would be to move back down to the South.

It seems so strange that after everything we went through to get here, we might find ourselves back in Atlanta, a place that I never really wanted to live. I do have friends there, actually more friends there than I have here (sad). Although premature, I did look around the Atlanta area this morning online as it was fresh in my mind. I have to say, I do like the Marietta area. It looks like a nice place to live with the old Southern square in the center, the rolling hills, and trees. I think it is pretty close to the Appalachian Mountains which must be amazing in the Fall. I do recall when Larry was living in Atlanta many years ago, I visited during October and remember beautiful Fall foliage. I briefly thought to myself at the time that it wouldn't be a bad place to live. Then his airline opened up a SLC hub and we jumped at the chance to move home. A year later, Skywest bought his airline and closed the hub. It has a been a challenge ever since.
I say all this knowing it would be a least 2 years from now before it would be an issue (the moving), especially since he is in Hawaii now. A lot of things could change by then. My biggest challenge is to finish my program of study so I can be employed here, there, or anywhere. I guess I just find it humbling to think that when it seems everything is falling into place, events happen where change is inevitable. I can choose to either go with it, or I can do what I have done so many times in the past and stubbornly stuck to my guns only to end up unhappy and alone.
Hummm......I think I will start learning from the past and adopt a more go with the flow philosophy. I guess time will tell what the future changes and challenges will be, but more importantly, I have learned to be open to them.

Chasing Leaves

After the storm cleared overnight, I awoke to a beautiful crisp, cool, sunny day. I wanted to get outside and soak in the fresh air and sunlight. I hadn't been to the park in a week, and decided that was as good a place as any to enjoy the day. I had been saving some bread that I bought a week ago, but never manged to eat it. I set it to the side in anticipation of taking it to the park to feed the geese and ducks.
I grabbed my camera, my phone, and my brick-o-bread and headed out the door. Once I arrived to the park I took out my bread only to find it covered with green mold. Yuck. I wasn't going to feed them moldy bread, so into the garbage can it went.
Fortunately, it didn't appear they were going to be short on feedings today. This mom and her two children must have brought what appeared to be a couple of shopping bags of chopped up breads.

She may have gotten more than she bargained for. These geese are no amateurs. They can pick out the weak ones and start attacking all the while fighting off the swarming seagulls. These guys have been around the block a few times and can spot the naive bread thrower on the spot.

I made my way around the pond and came across some pairs of ducks that were busy feeding off the fresh scum on the pond floor (and I was worried about my moldy bread?). Probably one of the funniest things for me, obvious geek that I am, is to watch ducks turn upside down in the water. I don't know why, maybe it's their cute little butts in the air, maybe their little webbed feet flailing about, but it makes me laugh.

This picture cracks me up. I guess it was a slow humor day.

After I amused myself with the headless ducks, I continued on through the park. The east side mountains were still ominous with their dark, gray clouds, but the west side was blue and sunny. You would almost think I took these pictures on different days, but it was the same sky, on the same day, at the same time.


Looking West

To the East

West

Yep you guessed....East

I believe I get an "A" for proper demonstration of the cardinal directions. Sorry... smart ass here. I continued through the center of the park where the stream flows and the Birch trees are shedding their golden leaves. I don't know why, but whenever I walk through fallen, crispy leaves I feel like a child again. I find myself starting to purposely drag my feet so that I can shuffle more loudly through the leaves. Maybe it is that extra sound of crunchy "swishyness" (no it's not a word) that transforms me into a 10 year old again. That, and the desire to run and dive into a big pile of leaves, rolling around until I find dog poop in my hair. Oh, wait...that last part isn't suppose to happen.

All that was missing from my little outing was a 3 year old child, a slobbering, happy dog, and of course, my better half (see sweetie, I DO think about you!).

Week one

It was a tough week for me, trying to motivate myself into being a geo-bachelorette. I am just now starting to get out of the "droopies" of feeling alone. Most of the week I felt like I had a gray cloud hovering over me, which wasn't helped by the fact that for most the week there were many clouds outdoors, mixed with some rain and even snow. I don't know how people can live in Seattle. I go two days without some sunlight and I start to feel like I am losing my mind. Most of the week was just plain gloomy with only two days of sun. Today the weather is a continuation of the week long weather pattern; gray clouds with rain mixed with sleet. That will make it five Saturdays in a row with crappy weather. I complain knowing that any rain or snow is a gift after the dry summer we had, so I try not to complain too loudly.

I also spent quite a bit of time catching up on my studies that I had let slide to the wayside in order to spend more time with Larry before he left. I had gotten so bad that the Thursday prior to Larry leaving, I sat down to start studying for my Anatomy chapter on Respiration thinking I had until this Monday to take the exam, only to find out I was a week off. I had to take it on Monday, the day after Larry left. Can you say Stress?! I basically had to cram two weeks of studies in less than 3 days. The entire respiratory system; organs, muscles, tissues, functions, and locations in 3 hellish days. I am thankful I am not working right now because I didn't leave the house for 2 days and managed to squeak out an 85 on the test. That class is a butt kicker.

Things are starting to look up, and I guess it is probably not unusual to have down feelings when life has been shifted around a bit. Larry has been gone a lot in our relationship and with short trips I barely have time to realize he has been gone, but the longer trips always start out with that little bit of gloom and doom when you realize that your mate isn't going to be coming home for along time. Eventually, I always turn a corner and start plowing through once again. I can tell that time is near.

Larry has really been too busy since he got to Hawaii to miss me too much. He has been working 12-14 hour days working on a big project for not only the military, but for the nation. I can't really say what it is here because I don't know what I can talk about regarding his work. It isn't classified (if it was than I wouldn't know about it), but it may not be something I can really discuss. I'll just say that it is really important, but the needs of the Navy pulled that rug out from under him. They now need his "expertise" in working with the Aussies and Kiwis in what I can say as "you scratch my back and I'll scratch yours" negotiations. It is also great experience, and is basically what he did in North Africa 2 years ago, but just not what he thought he would be working on this time.

He is also trying to find a place to live and a car. He found a little VW Cabrio Convertible which makes sense since he is in Hawaii, but finding a place to live that is furnished, somewhat near work, takes pets, has more than 700 square feet, and isn't above $2000 a month is actually tough. Good thing he has time before I arrive.

I guess we are both settling in to our lives, our separate lives, once again. Today, it is a little depressing, but each day it gets easier.