I was on one of my boards this afternoon and someone posted this website. All you have to do is click on the site to give charity to Hunger, Breast Cancer, Literacy, Child Health, Rainforest, and Animal Rescue. 100% of the sponsor(s) money goes to the charities. It is easy and simple, and to quote Martha Stewart....."it's a good thing."
Please click away, and then pass on the info to your friends and family.
Thanks!
1/31/2008
Photography 101
Last night I had my first photography class. It was informative, but I was happy that I had a basic understanding about what she was talking about. Some folks looked completely lost. Most everyone in the class had Digital SLR's, but me, old school girl, had an "antique" Nikkon film camera. I bought the camera about 5 years ago in an old second hand camera shop. I have used it some, but have never really known how to use it (the mechanics of it).
The instructor was drooling that someone in the class still appreciated the use of old technology. Within the first 15 minutes I understood more about my camera and about photography than all my previous knowledge combined.
She gave me the name of a guy in town that can help get me more parts and film for my camera. I am getting really excited to get into this and start taking some good old fashioned photos. The first week assignments are not too exciting; just taking a shot over and over while adjusting the apperture. A good photo is all about getting the right lighting. Photography is about light; how much light comes into the picture and how much stays out. It is simple really, but you have to know the basics in order to understand what that means. Now I am finally able to.
Side note - I got rid of my esips music because it was becoming more and more difficult to find mp3's as they changed their audio policy. I found playlist.com and have added a playlist. It is more for me than anyone else. This particular playlist is 80s music, the stuff I love and have many memories listening to. I will update it when I want to add more or take away. You can play each while on my blog or you can launch a stand alone which opens another page and listen that way. Enjoy!
The instructor was drooling that someone in the class still appreciated the use of old technology. Within the first 15 minutes I understood more about my camera and about photography than all my previous knowledge combined.
She gave me the name of a guy in town that can help get me more parts and film for my camera. I am getting really excited to get into this and start taking some good old fashioned photos. The first week assignments are not too exciting; just taking a shot over and over while adjusting the apperture. A good photo is all about getting the right lighting. Photography is about light; how much light comes into the picture and how much stays out. It is simple really, but you have to know the basics in order to understand what that means. Now I am finally able to.
Side note - I got rid of my esips music because it was becoming more and more difficult to find mp3's as they changed their audio policy. I found playlist.com and have added a playlist. It is more for me than anyone else. This particular playlist is 80s music, the stuff I love and have many memories listening to. I will update it when I want to add more or take away. You can play each while on my blog or you can launch a stand alone which opens another page and listen that way. Enjoy!
1/30/2008
That Thing I Love
Last night I watched Out of Africa again. Probably the tenth time I have seen it. This scene has to be one of my all time favorites. It feels like a dream to me. I don't think I have ever been able to hold back tears when I see this particular scene, especially when they fly over the flamingos. The music is fabulous as well, but I really love the sound of the wind at the end.
I found it on You Tube just so I could see it again. I thought I would post it here so I could see it over and over and over. It is best on a large screen, but sometimes you have to make due with what you have. Enjoy.
1/29/2008
I'm at it again....
This couldn't be more perfect. Just so happens to my one of my favorite love stories!
AND.......(sorry it was a slow day)
| Your Love Life is Like The Princess Bride |
 "Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. For you, love is like a fairy tale - albeit a fairly twisted one. You believe romance is all about loyalty, fate, and a good bit of goofy fun. Your love style: Idealistic yet quirky Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Perfectly romantic |
AND.......(sorry it was a slow day)
| You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained |
 The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports. |
1/28/2008
A true friend
Over the years I have had friends come and go. Sometimes life just isn't always conducive to maintaining long term relationships especially if life takes you in different directions both physically and emotionally. Some friendships I have tried to hold on to only to find out that the friendship is just a ghostly reminder of a past gone by. Others drift away because we become different people with different ideas about what life should be. Then again there are those rare people in our lives that never seem to leave. Those, I have found, are the ones to hold on to.
This last weekend my girlfriend, Jody, came in for a short visit. I have written about her here in previous posts, but a little refresher wouldn't hurt. I have known Jody since 1992. We have been really good friends since 1995. In Florida, we lived in the same neighborhood for 2 of the years we lived there. Sometimes we go a long time without talking to each other, but somehow (usually because of her) we have kept in touch.
Through the years, she has had many bumps in the road (as have I), and through it all, she has always known she could talk to me, mostly because she knew I would just listen and not judge her. In December, she lost her baby while in her 4th month. It devastated her. I felt helpless to offer her any consolation. She lives in Georgia, and I am here. I felt like I could only try and understand her loss and offer compassion. A few weeks after Christmas, she called me to say she wanted to come visit me. I don't know why, but I somehow felt honored that she would want to come here after everything she had just gone through.
We had a nice relaxing weekend, and until today, the weather was wonderful. We went running up City Creek Canyon, went to the mall and shopped, went out to eat, went to a movie (ya know ...a chick flick), walked in the park, made stew together, drank 3 bottles of wine, and just talked for hours. I think it must have been relaxing for her since her home has a fairly demanding husband and a loud and active 7 year old. I think being here, she was just able to relax and have it be quiet.
What I didn't expect though, was how happy I was to have her around again. We talked about books, our work, our families, our husbands, and of course...sex. I began to realize that I needed her as much as she needed me. I realized that I am lucky because I can see the future and she will always be a part of it in some form or anther. But most importantly, I can see that although I have always told myself I can "do it on my own," that I really do need others. I do need people just to be there for me as much as I am there for them. Having her in my life is a gift and a joy.
As she left, I gave her a hug and told her how great it was to see her. She replied with, "we have to do this more often." I smiled and replied, "count on it."
This last weekend my girlfriend, Jody, came in for a short visit. I have written about her here in previous posts, but a little refresher wouldn't hurt. I have known Jody since 1992. We have been really good friends since 1995. In Florida, we lived in the same neighborhood for 2 of the years we lived there. Sometimes we go a long time without talking to each other, but somehow (usually because of her) we have kept in touch.
Through the years, she has had many bumps in the road (as have I), and through it all, she has always known she could talk to me, mostly because she knew I would just listen and not judge her. In December, she lost her baby while in her 4th month. It devastated her. I felt helpless to offer her any consolation. She lives in Georgia, and I am here. I felt like I could only try and understand her loss and offer compassion. A few weeks after Christmas, she called me to say she wanted to come visit me. I don't know why, but I somehow felt honored that she would want to come here after everything she had just gone through.
We had a nice relaxing weekend, and until today, the weather was wonderful. We went running up City Creek Canyon, went to the mall and shopped, went out to eat, went to a movie (ya know ...a chick flick), walked in the park, made stew together, drank 3 bottles of wine, and just talked for hours. I think it must have been relaxing for her since her home has a fairly demanding husband and a loud and active 7 year old. I think being here, she was just able to relax and have it be quiet.
What I didn't expect though, was how happy I was to have her around again. We talked about books, our work, our families, our husbands, and of course...sex. I began to realize that I needed her as much as she needed me. I realized that I am lucky because I can see the future and she will always be a part of it in some form or anther. But most importantly, I can see that although I have always told myself I can "do it on my own," that I really do need others. I do need people just to be there for me as much as I am there for them. Having her in my life is a gift and a joy.
As she left, I gave her a hug and told her how great it was to see her. She replied with, "we have to do this more often." I smiled and replied, "count on it."
1/25/2008
1/23/2008
1/22/2008
Missing Him
This morning I once again dropped off the hubby at the airport after a whirlwind weekend visit home. He arrived Saturday morning and it was one of the best weekends of my life. All we did was enjoy each other, the cold, eating together, fires in the fireplace, hours of movies, and just sleeping in our bed together. We barely left the house except to go look for a snow blower, go to a movie and out to dinner. It was fabulous doing absolutely nothing and just being in the moment. One thing about Larry and I is that above everything else in our life together, we value our time. More than money, more than stuff, more than careers or accomplishment, we always have each other.
Life always throws things at you, gives you challenges, and can even take away everything you ever thought you had, but life can never take away those inside your heart. Love is the only thing worth living for.
On the way home from the airport a song came on the radio which seemed very apropos. I have added it as my music selection.
1/18/2008
A little Friday Humor....Enjoy
COLONOSCOPIES
TOO FUNNY - THE LAST ONE IS THE BEST
Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam were quite = humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his = patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has
gone before!
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit! =
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." =
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of all..
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
TOO FUNNY - THE LAST ONE IS THE BEST
Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam were quite = humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his = patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:
1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has
gone before!
2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"
3. "Can you hear me NOW?"
4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"
5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."
6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"
7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."
8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"
9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit! =
10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." =
11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"
12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."
And the best one of all..
13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"
1/17/2008
The Answers Came
Well, after some discussion and thought, I have my answers to the questions about what to do regarding my split life. A few days after I wrote my post about being torn apart, my husband got word that he is being extended in Hawaii until the end of September. I have decided to pack up and move to Hawaii in June after my nephew's wedding. I am going to try and convince my girlfriend to stay here for the summer, and if she doesn't want to, I have time to find someone else to house sit for me.
My biggest stress is getting the cats through immigration. I have to jump through some big hoops so as not to have to put them into quarantine. It is good to know what I am doing now, so that I don't have to go crazy at the last minute.
It is a big relief to finally have things figured out.
My biggest stress is getting the cats through immigration. I have to jump through some big hoops so as not to have to put them into quarantine. It is good to know what I am doing now, so that I don't have to go crazy at the last minute.
It is a big relief to finally have things figured out.
1/16/2008
Another List
Recently I received one of those emails...you know the ones that ask you a series of questions that don't amount to much but you somehow feel the need to answer them anyway. This one was a little different in that it seemed to ask more revealing questions, so I thought I would include it here for no particular reason other than "just because."
1. What perfume do you wear? Burberry London
2. What is your favorite book? No idea. Too many to choose from. I still really love Charlotte's Web. I just think it is an all around great book.
3. What is your favorite food? Recently....Garlic stuffed Olives
4. Who is your hero? Anyone who follows their heart and passion.
5. How do spend your free time? Unfortunately, since it is winter, I am usually plopped in front of the brain cell destroyer (TV).
6. When your were a child, what did you dream you would become as an adult? At 35? I probably thought I would be dead. After all, that was so old. My dreams were to be a professional ballet dancer. Nothing else entered my mind until I was 14 and had tried out for every professional school outside of Utah, only to find I couldn't get into any of them. At 14, I had to let go of a lifelong dream and get a new identity. My only focus was to get out my house, out of Utah, and go to college. After leaving dancing behind, I really struggled to find a calling. Now I realize I have many callings, not just one.
7. What is one thing you have done that you are ashamed of? When I was in high school, my girlfriend (who was the "good girl" to everyone else) thought it would be fun to drive around and egg kids on Halloween night. I agreed and played follow to her leader. The first and last egg I threw hit a little kid in his Tigger outfit. I felt like such a shit, deservedly so. I can't even recognize that girl today. In fact, today I would be chasing that girl down the street writing down the license plate. I wish I could make amends to the kid, but I have no idea who he was. Guess we all make mistakes.
8. Where would you like to be 5 years from now? Wow! This really is a doozy. Well...I hope to be a healthy, sexy, active 40 year old. I will have finished my Masters of Science in Speech and Language Pathology and will be working in my field in a school setting or a health care setting, or both if I have it my way. I will be an active outdoors enthusiast, and actively engaged in rational advocacy for preservation and planning. I will still be dancing and taking pictures. I will still be working in volunteerism for animal welfare and against cruelty. I think I will still live in Utah, but you can never know. I will spend all my free time with my husband, enjoying every moment of our time together. Ummmm....maybe a kid? I think we might have a little one running around. I will still travel and soak up as many experiences as I can manage. I will have better relationships with my friends and family. Oh...and reaching for the stars here, but I would really love to learn Spanish and learn to fly a plane so I can go fly with my husband.
Sounds like a lot, but it isn't all that different from what I am doing now, just more of it (except the kid, Spanish, and flying parts.....oh, who am kidding!!).
9. What is a moment in your life that you often reflect on? When I was on a church mission to New Mexico in 1988, a group of guys that I had befriended joined together and sang "Windy" by The Association. But instead of saying "Windy" they replaced it with "Bindy." They did this during lunch while everyone was eating. There must have been two hundred of us in the room. I turned bright red and was totally embarrassed. Man...what a moment though! I will still listen to that song every so often and a big grin will come across my face. Funny, but it also reminds me of who I am to those around me. I find it a huge compliment.
10. Who the single most important person in your life? A...duh...my husband. See question 4.
1. What perfume do you wear? Burberry London
2. What is your favorite book? No idea. Too many to choose from. I still really love Charlotte's Web. I just think it is an all around great book.
3. What is your favorite food? Recently....Garlic stuffed Olives
4. Who is your hero? Anyone who follows their heart and passion.
5. How do spend your free time? Unfortunately, since it is winter, I am usually plopped in front of the brain cell destroyer (TV).
6. When your were a child, what did you dream you would become as an adult? At 35? I probably thought I would be dead. After all, that was so old. My dreams were to be a professional ballet dancer. Nothing else entered my mind until I was 14 and had tried out for every professional school outside of Utah, only to find I couldn't get into any of them. At 14, I had to let go of a lifelong dream and get a new identity. My only focus was to get out my house, out of Utah, and go to college. After leaving dancing behind, I really struggled to find a calling. Now I realize I have many callings, not just one.
7. What is one thing you have done that you are ashamed of? When I was in high school, my girlfriend (who was the "good girl" to everyone else) thought it would be fun to drive around and egg kids on Halloween night. I agreed and played follow to her leader. The first and last egg I threw hit a little kid in his Tigger outfit. I felt like such a shit, deservedly so. I can't even recognize that girl today. In fact, today I would be chasing that girl down the street writing down the license plate. I wish I could make amends to the kid, but I have no idea who he was. Guess we all make mistakes.
8. Where would you like to be 5 years from now? Wow! This really is a doozy. Well...I hope to be a healthy, sexy, active 40 year old. I will have finished my Masters of Science in Speech and Language Pathology and will be working in my field in a school setting or a health care setting, or both if I have it my way. I will be an active outdoors enthusiast, and actively engaged in rational advocacy for preservation and planning. I will still be dancing and taking pictures. I will still be working in volunteerism for animal welfare and against cruelty. I think I will still live in Utah, but you can never know. I will spend all my free time with my husband, enjoying every moment of our time together. Ummmm....maybe a kid? I think we might have a little one running around. I will still travel and soak up as many experiences as I can manage. I will have better relationships with my friends and family. Oh...and reaching for the stars here, but I would really love to learn Spanish and learn to fly a plane so I can go fly with my husband.
Sounds like a lot, but it isn't all that different from what I am doing now, just more of it (except the kid, Spanish, and flying parts.....oh, who am kidding!!).
9. What is a moment in your life that you often reflect on? When I was on a church mission to New Mexico in 1988, a group of guys that I had befriended joined together and sang "Windy" by The Association. But instead of saying "Windy" they replaced it with "Bindy." They did this during lunch while everyone was eating. There must have been two hundred of us in the room. I turned bright red and was totally embarrassed. Man...what a moment though! I will still listen to that song every so often and a big grin will come across my face. Funny, but it also reminds me of who I am to those around me. I find it a huge compliment.
10. Who the single most important person in your life? A...duh...my husband. See question 4.
1/15/2008
Death by Power Point and other Torture devices
Last week I started back at school. So far the only word to describe it is painful. My Acoustics and Anatomy of the Ear class is so dull I want to scream. This Professor has been teaching this class for 30+ years. He loves what he teaches, however, the love does not come across all the dreaded black and white PP's. In addition, he does a lecture that I listen to online while going through the slides. The PP's are torture enough, but then add a lecture with a voice like Ben Stein's and it becomes a whole new level of pain. After 2 hours of listening to the definitions of sound, discussions on vibrations and waves, and I want to pull my hair out.
My Language Science class has been really busy. Lots of stuff going on in there. We also have a group project that is a big chunk of our grade. I have done many, many group projects, but not one on line with people from all over the country. Last night we had our first "chat" discussion, and after everyone hemmed and hawed about volunteering to be Group Leader, I decided to give up my Research position to take Command. Geez what a bunch of milk toasters. I was not happy about giving up my research position, but I wanted to get the ball rolling. They have no idea what they are in for. I will just say this.....DEADLINES! I am putting my old teacher's hat back on and taking control! Wha-ha-ha.
My Language Science class has been really busy. Lots of stuff going on in there. We also have a group project that is a big chunk of our grade. I have done many, many group projects, but not one on line with people from all over the country. Last night we had our first "chat" discussion, and after everyone hemmed and hawed about volunteering to be Group Leader, I decided to give up my Research position to take Command. Geez what a bunch of milk toasters. I was not happy about giving up my research position, but I wanted to get the ball rolling. They have no idea what they are in for. I will just say this.....DEADLINES! I am putting my old teacher's hat back on and taking control! Wha-ha-ha.
1/12/2008
Future Changes
Now that it is the New Year, I have begun to identify the changes I want to make this year. Some of which includes changes for this blog. I do enjoy just writing for writing sake, even if there is no point to anything I have to say. That part of this blog won't change. It has definitely become an outlet for me.
I also enjoy posting pictures of things I do and places I go. Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved taking pictures. For me, pictures capture that single perfect moment, and freezes it in time. Going back through photos is one of those experiences that always brings a smile to my face. Whenever I feel down or inadequate, I pull up my pictures, or flip through a photo album and suddenly I can see things clearly, and often I am reminded of how lucky I am.
At the end of this month I will be taking a photography class at the University of Utah in their lifelong learning program. It is an introductory class, but I am hoping to learn how to use a camera better and understand the technical aspect of a picture. I will be posting my pictures here, and will probably change my Flikr badge (the one I haven't updated since last Spring) and use it to discuss my photos. I hope it will be interesting.
In addition to photography, I am also starting to catch up on all my personal reading. I have decided to add a discussion/review of a book at least once a month. I am thinking the first week of each month would keep me consistent. I am not joining any book of the month group or anything like that, but rather just keeping myself honest and focused in doing one of the hobbies that gives me great pleasure and expands my mind.
Initially I will be doing a little catch up. I want to review Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer. I read this book last November, but never reviewed it here. It is such an amazing journey that I really want to talk about it, so I will be reviewing that book the first of February. In addition, I will be discussing a book that I started last year, but got side tracked into something else and never finished it. I really love the book, so why I didn't finish it is unclear. The book is The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo. It is a tale about following your dreams. I like the way he writes stories; the words are simple, the story itself is simple, but the meaning behind the story is what captured me. I will review this also the first of February.
I have already selected February's read. Since it is the month of Love, I will be reading Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I also love how this author writes, and will be looking forward to this read next month.
So here is to new beginnings and changes!
I also enjoy posting pictures of things I do and places I go. Ever since I was a little girl, I have loved taking pictures. For me, pictures capture that single perfect moment, and freezes it in time. Going back through photos is one of those experiences that always brings a smile to my face. Whenever I feel down or inadequate, I pull up my pictures, or flip through a photo album and suddenly I can see things clearly, and often I am reminded of how lucky I am.
At the end of this month I will be taking a photography class at the University of Utah in their lifelong learning program. It is an introductory class, but I am hoping to learn how to use a camera better and understand the technical aspect of a picture. I will be posting my pictures here, and will probably change my Flikr badge (the one I haven't updated since last Spring) and use it to discuss my photos. I hope it will be interesting.
In addition to photography, I am also starting to catch up on all my personal reading. I have decided to add a discussion/review of a book at least once a month. I am thinking the first week of each month would keep me consistent. I am not joining any book of the month group or anything like that, but rather just keeping myself honest and focused in doing one of the hobbies that gives me great pleasure and expands my mind.
Initially I will be doing a little catch up. I want to review Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer. I read this book last November, but never reviewed it here. It is such an amazing journey that I really want to talk about it, so I will be reviewing that book the first of February. In addition, I will be discussing a book that I started last year, but got side tracked into something else and never finished it. I really love the book, so why I didn't finish it is unclear. The book is The Alchemist by Paulo Coehlo. It is a tale about following your dreams. I like the way he writes stories; the words are simple, the story itself is simple, but the meaning behind the story is what captured me. I will review this also the first of February.
I have already selected February's read. Since it is the month of Love, I will be reading Love in the Time of Cholera by Gabriel Garcia Marquez. I also love how this author writes, and will be looking forward to this read next month.
So here is to new beginnings and changes!
1/10/2008
Living in between
I managed to make it back to Salt Lake early this morning. It was yet another joy filled ride on the red eye flight from Honolulu. This time I was lucky enough to get the middle seat, straddled between two guys in their early twenties, neither of which was willing to share the arm of the chair. After I had had enough of squeezing my arms to my sides, I nudged my way in trying to attain some sense of space on either side of me. Neither of them budged. It was almost as if they enjoyed bumping into my boob, or the feeling of drool dripping from my mouth onto their arm as I attempted some sleep. Whatever the deal was, I found it incredibly rude. We landed in the snow covered Salt Lake Valley just as the sun was starting its trek over the Wasatch Mountains. It was cold and I only had on a denim jacket and a fairly thin Hawaiian (or Aloha) shirt. I think it was about 23 degrees.
On the way home I began to feel the stress of living two lives, or better said, living one life in two places 6 hours apart. It is starting to take its toll on me. My heart is with my husband and he is working in Hawaii. Our home and my life is struggling to take root here in Utah. The funny thing is that when we decided to move here, we both thought that our lives might settle a bit. Now our life is crazier than ever. I find myself in the predicament of needing to decide how I want to proceed with the next 6-9 months of my life. Do I pack up, pack the cats, hire a house sitter, and bolt to Hawaii for the time, or do I continue on with the coming and goings? Today, after that hellish flight, I feel the former is the best way to go. After all, a house is just a house. It will be here when we get back (knock on wood). I can really get to enjoy living in Hawaii, probably a once in lifetime opportunity.
I don't know why this is such a hard decision for me. On paper, and upon reflection, it seems crazy to stay here when I want to be in Hawaii with Larry, but for some reason I am always afraid that something bad will happen and we will lose everything. That if I am not here to hold down the fortress, all hell will break lose. It sounds crazy, but I have always been afraid of losing the things and people that I care about. I feel as if something bad will happen because I am not around to take care of it all. Maybe it is just some control issue I have sprouted from a childhood of never getting to have control in my life, so I grab onto things that I can control and in turn I become dependent on that control. Who knows. Does that sound like a good analysis of the deep seeded haunts in my psyche? I guess this probably sounds like rambling, which is probably what I am doing, but where else to ramble but a blog?
I guess I will think and pray on it. I believe I will have to let things go in order to get the answer. In fact, I think I already have the answer, but I am afraid to let go. I guess I just answered myself. See....I knew this blog was good for something. I should title it "Blogology," or "Psychog." I have always found help in figuring things out when I can write about what is on my mind. It has always been therapeutic for me.
For the time being, I guess I will continue to live in between, but I think I will try hard to make the best decision for myself and what I want and need for my own enjoyment of life, and not to get stuck on the need for control and obligation.
On the way home I began to feel the stress of living two lives, or better said, living one life in two places 6 hours apart. It is starting to take its toll on me. My heart is with my husband and he is working in Hawaii. Our home and my life is struggling to take root here in Utah. The funny thing is that when we decided to move here, we both thought that our lives might settle a bit. Now our life is crazier than ever. I find myself in the predicament of needing to decide how I want to proceed with the next 6-9 months of my life. Do I pack up, pack the cats, hire a house sitter, and bolt to Hawaii for the time, or do I continue on with the coming and goings? Today, after that hellish flight, I feel the former is the best way to go. After all, a house is just a house. It will be here when we get back (knock on wood). I can really get to enjoy living in Hawaii, probably a once in lifetime opportunity.
I don't know why this is such a hard decision for me. On paper, and upon reflection, it seems crazy to stay here when I want to be in Hawaii with Larry, but for some reason I am always afraid that something bad will happen and we will lose everything. That if I am not here to hold down the fortress, all hell will break lose. It sounds crazy, but I have always been afraid of losing the things and people that I care about. I feel as if something bad will happen because I am not around to take care of it all. Maybe it is just some control issue I have sprouted from a childhood of never getting to have control in my life, so I grab onto things that I can control and in turn I become dependent on that control. Who knows. Does that sound like a good analysis of the deep seeded haunts in my psyche? I guess this probably sounds like rambling, which is probably what I am doing, but where else to ramble but a blog?
I guess I will think and pray on it. I believe I will have to let things go in order to get the answer. In fact, I think I already have the answer, but I am afraid to let go. I guess I just answered myself. See....I knew this blog was good for something. I should title it "Blogology," or "Psychog." I have always found help in figuring things out when I can write about what is on my mind. It has always been therapeutic for me.
For the time being, I guess I will continue to live in between, but I think I will try hard to make the best decision for myself and what I want and need for my own enjoyment of life, and not to get stuck on the need for control and obligation.
1/07/2008
Ringing in the New Year
Happy 2008! What a crazy couple of weeks it has been. On New Years Eve, Larry and I boarded a plane heading to Honolulu. We landed around 5:30 in the evening (Hawaii time), rushed off to the "Q" (bachelors quarters), packed up Larry's room and moved everything over to the Navy Hotel. Around 7:30 I took a shower, got dressed and we headed out to Waikiki for a New Years party with the Australians Larry works with. I was exhausted, but managed to put on a smile for all the people I had only heard about, but never seen. It is always challenging for me to meet the people that Larry works with. I have met Generals, Admirals, Diplomats, Ambassadors, Deputies for the Secretary of Defense, and top officials of many overseas military organizations. My struggle is being friendly, but not too friendly; being smart but not opinionated; being attractive but not sexy, etc... . It can be a fine line to walk. Fortunately, this "meeting" was less formal, as it was with a bunch of fun loving Australians whose only concern was whether or not I needed yet another glass of wine.
After ringing in the New Year by watching the firework display over the ocean, we headed up to the Colonel's hotel room for more celebrations. I had stopped drinking hours ago, but had a good time conversing with everyone, drunk and non drunk. The Colonel got a little flirty with me, kissing me on the cheek a little longer than a normal (normal being the traditional cheek kiss that people from other countries do to say "hello"). I think it was the alcohol talking. Around 2 a.m. we finally left. Poor Larry had to drive us back to base. I fell asleep before we even got to the freeway. I barely remember getting back to the room and to bed. It was 5:30 in the morning for us. It had been a 22 hour day.
The next day, Larry awoke to a bad cold. He was very sick. He stayed home from work two days, and I nursed him best I could. We did have big plans, but unfortunately none of them panned out. Friday, we finally moved into the condo that will be a more permanent place of residence. I was a relief finally getting Larry settled into a place of his own. We live on the twelfth floor overlooking a golf course, and the balcony faces the setting sun offering spectacular sunsets from the living room. Our first night in the condo I cooked tacos for dinner. Larry acted like it was the best meal he had had in months. I guess that's what happens when your diet consists mainly of sandwiches.
Saturday morning I found myself with clogged sinuses, a sore throat, runny eyes, and an eye infection. So much for pounding 1000mg of Vitamin C everyday. The writing was on the wall....I was getting sick as well. Our fun weekend plans were no more. We did manage to get out to the beach, only to get rained on. Yesterday we walked the Pali Hwy and lookout which was a nice way to open the lungs a bit and get in some beautiful scenery.
I do hope to be home in the next few days, but for the time being I am trying to rest and get better. Thank God for my girlfriend who has been house sitting for me. She has told me to stay put until I am well enough to travel.
It has been a busy start to the New Year, but I am happy for it. I am looking forward to a great 2008 and all the opportunities ahead.
After ringing in the New Year by watching the firework display over the ocean, we headed up to the Colonel's hotel room for more celebrations. I had stopped drinking hours ago, but had a good time conversing with everyone, drunk and non drunk. The Colonel got a little flirty with me, kissing me on the cheek a little longer than a normal (normal being the traditional cheek kiss that people from other countries do to say "hello"). I think it was the alcohol talking. Around 2 a.m. we finally left. Poor Larry had to drive us back to base. I fell asleep before we even got to the freeway. I barely remember getting back to the room and to bed. It was 5:30 in the morning for us. It had been a 22 hour day.
The next day, Larry awoke to a bad cold. He was very sick. He stayed home from work two days, and I nursed him best I could. We did have big plans, but unfortunately none of them panned out. Friday, we finally moved into the condo that will be a more permanent place of residence. I was a relief finally getting Larry settled into a place of his own. We live on the twelfth floor overlooking a golf course, and the balcony faces the setting sun offering spectacular sunsets from the living room. Our first night in the condo I cooked tacos for dinner. Larry acted like it was the best meal he had had in months. I guess that's what happens when your diet consists mainly of sandwiches.
Saturday morning I found myself with clogged sinuses, a sore throat, runny eyes, and an eye infection. So much for pounding 1000mg of Vitamin C everyday. The writing was on the wall....I was getting sick as well. Our fun weekend plans were no more. We did manage to get out to the beach, only to get rained on. Yesterday we walked the Pali Hwy and lookout which was a nice way to open the lungs a bit and get in some beautiful scenery.
I do hope to be home in the next few days, but for the time being I am trying to rest and get better. Thank God for my girlfriend who has been house sitting for me. She has told me to stay put until I am well enough to travel.
It has been a busy start to the New Year, but I am happy for it. I am looking forward to a great 2008 and all the opportunities ahead.
12/29/2007
Winter's Wonderland
Pictures of our Snowshoeing adventure:
It was a beautiful, cold day. I fell only twice! First over a tree branch...yes I said branch, and the second I just lost my footing and tossed myself down the hill. My wet pants show where the wet snow and I met up. Obviously I need to invest in some nice snow pants next!
Afterwards I asked my husband how is it that I always end up in such a mess? His response was quite to the point, "only when your outside, babe."
"But I do wonder if a down-Easter, sitting on a nylon-and-aluminum chair out on a changelessly green lawn slapping mosquitoes in the evening of a Florida October - I do wonder if the stab of memory doesn't strike him high in the stomach just below the ribs where it hurts. And in the humid ever-summer I dare his picturing mind not to go back to the shout of color, the clean rasp of frosty air, to the smell of pine wood burning and the caressing warmth of kitchens. For how can one know color in perpetual green, and what good is warmth without cold to give it sweetness?"
- John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley
It was a beautiful, cold day. I fell only twice! First over a tree branch...yes I said branch, and the second I just lost my footing and tossed myself down the hill. My wet pants show where the wet snow and I met up. Obviously I need to invest in some nice snow pants next!
Afterwards I asked my husband how is it that I always end up in such a mess? His response was quite to the point, "only when your outside, babe."
"But I do wonder if a down-Easter, sitting on a nylon-and-aluminum chair out on a changelessly green lawn slapping mosquitoes in the evening of a Florida October - I do wonder if the stab of memory doesn't strike him high in the stomach just below the ribs where it hurts. And in the humid ever-summer I dare his picturing mind not to go back to the shout of color, the clean rasp of frosty air, to the smell of pine wood burning and the caressing warmth of kitchens. For how can one know color in perpetual green, and what good is warmth without cold to give it sweetness?"
- John Steinbeck, Travels with Charley
12/28/2007
A Christmas update....
The last week has just flown by. It has been an amazing Christmas and holiday. Having Larry home has been a complete joy. We had a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day together. Eve was spent with my Aunt a step cousins that were visiting from Istanbul. It was fabulous meeting with them and dinner was amazing. The Eggnog overfloweth along with too much food. I almost didn't make my family's Christmas Danish on Christmas morning because we were still so full from the night before. Around noon we finally decided we could partake of additional calories. Santa filled our stockings with many gifts for us to enjoy. We also managed to get a true White Christmas. It must have been one of the best Christmas's on record (at least my record)!Today we are off to brave the elements to go snowshoeing!
Christmas Aftermath
Cats got their presents too...
Christmas Day at Sugarhouse Park
12/21/2007
Let it Snow and Snow and Snow
Here is a little winter story for ya. This is based on a true story that happened...oh....about 6 hours ago.
Last night while visions of sugarplums danced through my head, the snow came down and came down, and kept coming down until the sky had no more to give and had depleted all snowflakes from its reserves. Suddenly out of my slumber I awoke to a fright, the sound of my phone ringing at 6:00 a.m.. As I blindly followed the sound of the ring, I heard my neighbor's voice calling to tell me I was about to lose power. "What?" I exclaimed! Then suddenly a click and my power was gone. "How could this be," I wondered to myself? I grabbed my glasses, my husband's bathrobe, pulled on my snow boots and raced out doors to see what was the matter.
I looked to my right and to my left, and standing next to a big truck was a man from Rocky Mountain Power. He grumbled and muffed, and let out a low "hello." "What has happened?" I inquired. "The pole has snapped and I had to cut your power line or else it might catch on fire." "How will it get fixed?" I said with concern. "You will have to call an electrician to come fix it, and we will put in a new pole and hook up new wires." "Oh my!" I exclaimed. "Who is going to pay to fix it?" "You are," he replied matter of fact.
What the young man didn't know was that I had called good ol' Rocky Mountain Power last summer to have that exact poll check for safety because it sure didn't look good to me. We were having new electrical work done and figured now would be the time to have the poll replaced. The "poll inspector" gave the poll a clean bill of health even with splinters and chunks of wood missing.
I, standing in an over sized bathrobe and boots with laces untied, looked at this worker from RMP dead in the eyes and said, "hell if I'm paying for this, you guys inspected this poll in July and told me I had wasted your time because this poll had at least one more decade in it!" By now my voice was becoming louder and louder. See all this could have been avoided if someone had just done what I had asked them to do last July. I'll be damned if I was going to pay one dime for any repair. He gruffed and grunted at me. "Now you tell me how am I going to get an electrician out to my house for a job like this the Friday before Christmas?" I barked. He left and went back into his truck to call his supervisor. Upon his return, his tune had changed suddenly. "I have trucks on their way here to replace the poll. Here is a claims adjuster for you, and he will take care of you," he stated as he handed me a business card.
Seems like my story may have panned out, and the "inspection" done last July was still in the computer. Now they were the ones responsible. A sense of relief was beginning to flow through me. I came inside after he left. I searched around in the dark, and using my flashlight, found the business card of the electrician that did all the original work for me. I looked at the clock, it read 6:36. "I can't call someone so early," I thought to myself. But as I saw the snow still coming down outside, I begin to think I probably wouldn't be the only person that would need an electrician today. I decided to go ahead and call him. I first apologized then proceeded with begging. I begged and kissed ass until my lips began to chap and callous over. He finally gave in and told me he would come by soon. My neighbor came over and offered me her company and a cup of hot coffee. Anything to keep my mind off what I expected would be a frozen fun weekend.
To my surprise at 8 a.m. my grumpy old electrician showed up...again I succumbed to groveling and more callous development. He also grumbled and grunted (must be an electrician trait) about having to go out into the snow and get some parts. He left and I began the arduous task of digging out to find sidewalks. Afterwards, as my fingers began to form into ice crystals, I decided I should take a shower before the water in the water heater cooled. A few minutes later, while my hair was still wet, a Foreman from RMP showed up to my surprise. "I have a crew on their way. We should have this all fixed up by noon," he said with a smile. "We have it covered." A smile began to form from ear to ear. "Who is going to pay the electrician?" I asked softly. " We will," he said. My heart began to grow believing that all was not lost. I will have heat again, my food won't go bad, and Christmas will be saved!
Within moments, 6 large trucks pulled out in front. I couldn't believe they were working so fast! Amazing what a little liability will do to light a fire under some one's butt! They ripped out the old post, dug a new hole, put up a new pole, hooked everything up, and within 2 hours....Voila!...I have heat and lights and humming sounds once again! Yippee!
I finally got a hold of my husband. As I was sharing my story, I could hear blood vessels starting to pop in his forehead. I think he wanted to take someone by the neck. He thanked me for being his wife and for my ability to take care of it. There are a few moments when being a yeller does pay off. If I had not given that guy a serious talk'in to, do you think any of this would have been done, and all on their dime? Nope. It was my being a "Bitch" that got some action.
So now here I am at 12:38, on my computer, writing this lovely little ode to winter in my warm home being grateful that throughout my life I have learned enough to take care of myself and my home. It is adventures such as this that make one learn and become stronger. It may sound strange, but I am grateful for my challenges. Because of those challenges I am confident in who I am and what I am able to do.
Merry Christmas! May your homes be filled with warmth and gratitude, and of course.... electricity.
P.S. I know I started this out with a little "Night before Christmas" and then I tossed in a little Grinch, but in the end it was just me. What can I say...at least I tried to add a little Christmas to my story!
Last night while visions of sugarplums danced through my head, the snow came down and came down, and kept coming down until the sky had no more to give and had depleted all snowflakes from its reserves. Suddenly out of my slumber I awoke to a fright, the sound of my phone ringing at 6:00 a.m.. As I blindly followed the sound of the ring, I heard my neighbor's voice calling to tell me I was about to lose power. "What?" I exclaimed! Then suddenly a click and my power was gone. "How could this be," I wondered to myself? I grabbed my glasses, my husband's bathrobe, pulled on my snow boots and raced out doors to see what was the matter.
I looked to my right and to my left, and standing next to a big truck was a man from Rocky Mountain Power. He grumbled and muffed, and let out a low "hello." "What has happened?" I inquired. "The pole has snapped and I had to cut your power line or else it might catch on fire." "How will it get fixed?" I said with concern. "You will have to call an electrician to come fix it, and we will put in a new pole and hook up new wires." "Oh my!" I exclaimed. "Who is going to pay to fix it?" "You are," he replied matter of fact.
What the young man didn't know was that I had called good ol' Rocky Mountain Power last summer to have that exact poll check for safety because it sure didn't look good to me. We were having new electrical work done and figured now would be the time to have the poll replaced. The "poll inspector" gave the poll a clean bill of health even with splinters and chunks of wood missing.
I, standing in an over sized bathrobe and boots with laces untied, looked at this worker from RMP dead in the eyes and said, "hell if I'm paying for this, you guys inspected this poll in July and told me I had wasted your time because this poll had at least one more decade in it!" By now my voice was becoming louder and louder. See all this could have been avoided if someone had just done what I had asked them to do last July. I'll be damned if I was going to pay one dime for any repair. He gruffed and grunted at me. "Now you tell me how am I going to get an electrician out to my house for a job like this the Friday before Christmas?" I barked. He left and went back into his truck to call his supervisor. Upon his return, his tune had changed suddenly. "I have trucks on their way here to replace the poll. Here is a claims adjuster for you, and he will take care of you," he stated as he handed me a business card.
Seems like my story may have panned out, and the "inspection" done last July was still in the computer. Now they were the ones responsible. A sense of relief was beginning to flow through me. I came inside after he left. I searched around in the dark, and using my flashlight, found the business card of the electrician that did all the original work for me. I looked at the clock, it read 6:36. "I can't call someone so early," I thought to myself. But as I saw the snow still coming down outside, I begin to think I probably wouldn't be the only person that would need an electrician today. I decided to go ahead and call him. I first apologized then proceeded with begging. I begged and kissed ass until my lips began to chap and callous over. He finally gave in and told me he would come by soon. My neighbor came over and offered me her company and a cup of hot coffee. Anything to keep my mind off what I expected would be a frozen fun weekend.
To my surprise at 8 a.m. my grumpy old electrician showed up...again I succumbed to groveling and more callous development. He also grumbled and grunted (must be an electrician trait) about having to go out into the snow and get some parts. He left and I began the arduous task of digging out to find sidewalks. Afterwards, as my fingers began to form into ice crystals, I decided I should take a shower before the water in the water heater cooled. A few minutes later, while my hair was still wet, a Foreman from RMP showed up to my surprise. "I have a crew on their way. We should have this all fixed up by noon," he said with a smile. "We have it covered." A smile began to form from ear to ear. "Who is going to pay the electrician?" I asked softly. " We will," he said. My heart began to grow believing that all was not lost. I will have heat again, my food won't go bad, and Christmas will be saved!
Within moments, 6 large trucks pulled out in front. I couldn't believe they were working so fast! Amazing what a little liability will do to light a fire under some one's butt! They ripped out the old post, dug a new hole, put up a new pole, hooked everything up, and within 2 hours....Voila!...I have heat and lights and humming sounds once again! Yippee!
I finally got a hold of my husband. As I was sharing my story, I could hear blood vessels starting to pop in his forehead. I think he wanted to take someone by the neck. He thanked me for being his wife and for my ability to take care of it. There are a few moments when being a yeller does pay off. If I had not given that guy a serious talk'in to, do you think any of this would have been done, and all on their dime? Nope. It was my being a "Bitch" that got some action.
So now here I am at 12:38, on my computer, writing this lovely little ode to winter in my warm home being grateful that throughout my life I have learned enough to take care of myself and my home. It is adventures such as this that make one learn and become stronger. It may sound strange, but I am grateful for my challenges. Because of those challenges I am confident in who I am and what I am able to do.
Merry Christmas! May your homes be filled with warmth and gratitude, and of course.... electricity.
P.S. I know I started this out with a little "Night before Christmas" and then I tossed in a little Grinch, but in the end it was just me. What can I say...at least I tried to add a little Christmas to my story!
12/19/2007
It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
Well I manged to get the tree up, the decorations are finished (minus the tree ornaments. I decided to wait until Larry was home for that), the shopping is done, and now I just have to clean up and do some grocery shopping. I may try and get some more lights up outside if I find I want to. The weather has turned very wintry and I am hoping for not just a white Christmas, but a snowy Christmas (I bought a sled).
Larry is due in on Sunday morning and I have a million plans flowing through my head. Sunday night will temple lights followed by an evening of ice skating and hot chocolate. Cross country skiing and snow shoeing followed by a soak in the Midway Hot Pots, movies, visiting with family and friends, sledding, a lot of relaxation time, The Nutcracker on the 28th followed by an anniversary dinner at Bambara, and to top it all off..... many, many kisses (not just the chocolate kind).
I have struggled this year to get into the Christmas spirit. I think it must be because I am missing a big part of my life. We have spent many Christmas's, Thanksgivings, birthdays, etc... apart, but this year it has been hard on me more so than past separations. I don't know why.
Good thing then, that in a few more days the separation will be over, if only for a week or two.
Have a very Merry Christmas and a Fabulous Holiday Season!
*This is one of those all encompassing passion filled pieces of music that I love.*
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