Florida Trip

A recent trip to Florida: It was a beautiful 7 days of Florida sun and family. I enjoyed my time there and the two days that Larry joined me.








I wanted so much to get one of these little plovers in a good picture, but they are so fast! This one was so close, but managed to get the tip of his nose out of the picture.....bummer.

My afternoon seashell creation....it is suppose to be a flower.




My white legs before the sun got to them....

Visit

I took a quick trip down to my in-laws in Banning. I didn't take many pictures just since I was only there for a little over a day, and we generally stayed around the house working on stuff for the folks. We did make it out for an afternoon at Oak Glen for lunch and dessert.









It was St. Patty's day, so everyone but me had Corned Beef and cabbage. The area prides itself on its apples and apple pie, so we all finished our meal with a HUGE apple dumpling and ice cream. It was a good left over too!

No Regrets

As of late, I have been viewing movies that have a "no regrets" moral to the story. These stories are usually told by women upon reflection of their lives, how they lived and what they have learned. Evening and La Vie en Rose are two movies I watched centering around this theme. Each story was told very differently, but spoken from a woman's perspective of her life and her choices as she looks back.

As I watched these films I begin to ask myself the question, "What if there are no mistakes? What if there are no regrets? What if life is a series of choices, and from those choices we make our life, the good and the bad?" I suppose it makes sense if you really think about it, and maybe for most this is already a realization, but for me I had never thought about my life this way before. I had always seen my life in two columns, the good/right column and the bad/wrong column, and the idea of a "successful" life was to have more x's in the good/right column than the bad/wrong one. I laugh as I read my own words, as if life is some how that simple. I apparently concluded that making right choices doesn't require learning anything along the way.

I have learned after these 36 years, that there are no "right" choices. Now I am not saying that there aren't consequences for our choices and actions. Of course there are, but as I look back on my life lived so far, I see just choices, none that were wrong and none that were perfectly right. Even the hardest decisions, the ones I worried over, lost sleep over, never ended up being wrong choices, just simple decisions that I learned from. Maybe you have to live a certain amount of life before you come to that realization. I guess I did. I look back now and almost get frustrated at myself for worrying about doing the "right" thing....such a waste. I struggle now even to change my way of thinking, to just go with my gut and not worry about the outcome. Watching these movies, and others with the same moral, made me questions my own choices and the reasons behind them. Were they the right choices? Were they good choices? Honestly I don't think such things exist anymore. It is just life, living, learning and making decisions a long the way.

"Just trust yourself,
then you will know how to live."
--Goethe

Snowshoeing 101

This week we have been venturing out into our snowy wilderness and snowshoeing. I enjoy it because it is like hiking but with a lot of layers on. I am starting to learn that how you dress is very important. You might be freezing to death starting out, but within about 5 minutes of chugging through the snow, you really wish you had left that big heavy parka and scarf back at the truck. Wearing light weight, breathable clothes is what appears to work best. I'm learning...

Random Things

On Facebook, I was tagged to write 16 Random Things about myself. I thought I would go ahead and post them here as well:

1. I am a very physical person. I use my body to express my creativity, my desire, my competitiveness, and my joy. I always look to push my body in ways I haven't before.

2. I am a Gemini with a Scorpio moon and also Scorpio is rising. I have many typical Gemini traits and also many Scorpio traits. I sometimes feel like two totally different people (free spirited and intense, practical and romantic, emotional and rational) Yeah, spend a day in my head!

3. I really love my feet massaged with lotion.

4. I usually sleep with socks on, it has to be very hot for me not to.

5. I have hypothyroidism.

6. I love to take photos, and have since I was a child with my first Brownie camera.

7. I suffer from the typical female disease of pleasing others first. I have only started to realize that this thinking hurts not only myself but also those that I want to please by not letting them know who I really am.

8. I am working on a second Masters Degree and can honestly say I could probably do another, a Ph.D, or a law degree. I am just one of those people that likes to learn and constantly reinvent myself.

9. I love to bake and cook. I have no fear of trying a new a recipie on a guest I am having over for dinner.

10. I love the outdoors. My goal is to be an "experienced" backpacker and go regularly throughout the summer. I just love the beauty and the quiet, and of course, the physical aspect as well.

11. I am doing my first triathlon this summer.

12. As as speech pathologist I hope to help people of all ages and challenges, from newborn babies to the aged. I also want to work abroad, both as a volunteer and employed.

13. Traveling and the experiences from travel is a huge part of my life. Whether it is a 20 minute drive up to the mountains or roaming the back country of Australia, these experiences make up a huge part of who I am.

14. I hope to be a mother someday in some capacity.

15. I have remodeled a house, and have more experience with power tools and saws than I ever thought I would have felt comfortable with.

16. I am very passionate. I will fight and defend what I believe in. Call it being opinionated or stubborn, but I will not back down if I am defending that which I believe in.

Many Blogger Returns

No, I did not disappear to some unknown universe, become stuck underneath a wagon wheel, or find myself duct taped and thrown into a closet. I am here, alive and well, breathing and eating, and managing life as best I can. Since Christmas, my life has been topsy turvy and confusing. In the past, I have written many entries about my awareness of upcoming changes in my life. However, this one took me by surprise and landed in my lap when I wasn't looking. I am changing like I never have, and in ways I never thought possible. It is exciting and frightening at the same time. In times like these, writing is my usual outlet, but lately I have found myself fearing what might stream out of my thoughts. I withheld writing and kept things inside. I now find myself able and ready to write again, so that I might try and better understand the insanity that is floating around inside of me.

Since I last wrote:

• Christmas came and went

• I celebrated my 18th wedding anniversary

• I went to Disneyland for New Years Eve. It was disappointing with the craziness (what were we thinking?), and with the fog that rolled in which made it impossible to actually see any fireworks going off. A trip we won't repeat.

• My husband submitted his application to the Army to go back to being a full-time officer.

• We were told that if/when he gets orders, he will most likely be sent to Hawaii.

• I decided that if he goes to Hawaii, I will stay here. There are many reasons for this decision, most of which I will discuss when I know more.

• I started back in my classes.....one I love, one I already hate.

• I have applied for acceptance into a professional organization and am looking forward to all the possibilities and opportunities that might be available there.

• I have narrowed down my school choices for my Masters work to an online program at California State, Northridge. They offer what I want and appear to have a great M.S. program. Now it is just the "getting in" part I have to work on. Very competitive.

• The inversion rolled in last week, which makes me want to hide from the world. I hate it and it makes my lungs burn and my nose crack.

• I joined the rec center so I can train for my first sprint triathlon. I am freaking out because I am worried I won't be ready by May.

• I am starting to look for work, just part-time, but something. Not surprising, it is proving to be hard in this economy.

• I am filled with hope with our new President, and I love that he wants me to be a better American. Yesterday was a day of pure excitement for me. I feel lucky to be living in this time.

That is all I can come up with for now. I feel like I have a lot going on in my life right now, and trying to get a hold on it all without letting it get a hold on me is proving a challenge. I can see that I have a problem with time management and letting things get away from me. This is obviously something I need to work on and work on quickly.

So life is changing once again, and there is a lot of uncertainty ahead of me. I wish sometimes that wasn't the case, but then I guess life wouldn't be life without it.

A Day of Confirmation

If you have been a reader of my weight loss journey on my blog, then this entry will make sense to you. This morning I decided to go through my closet to find coats that could be donated to the shelter this cold, cold winter. I came across an old coat that I bought over 10 years ago (before I ever moved back to Utah but was missing cold weather) in the back. When I first moved back, I was unable to close the front of this coat (it was too tight), and was saving it for my mom for when she visited in the winter. This morning, going through the coats, I decided to throw it on, and was shocked to really see how much I have shrunk. It has been so gradual that I had no idea how much I had changed.

Yes, I had to take a picture. These are huge milestones for me. I did cut my face out of the picture because I have my glasses on and still needed to shower when it was taken (still in my PJs too).

Cleaning off the camera

I haven't blogged in a while. First it was Finals, then the Christmas craziness set in, add a little bit of an illness, and I just didn't have the time or desire to write. This evening I tried to get a couple of photos of the crazy snow we have had today, and realized that I had taken a couple of nice sunset photos sometime last week.



Tonight's photos of the snow.


This one is blurry because I didn't have my tripod, but I like how you can see all the snow.

First Snow

Yesterday we had our first real snow storm. It snowed for most of the day and coated our neighborhood with about 2 inches of the white, powdery stuff. I always take pictures the morning after the first big storm.

Chistmas pics

It is that time of year again for the dreaded Christmas photo. We decided to incorporate the Christmas theme and the result was hit and miss. We couldn't find our tripod, so we were unable set the camera in the right spot for the flash. The outcome was that we were either washed out or the picture was too dark. In the end, my favorite photo made Larry fuzzy, and in Larry's favorite I was staring off in space. By 9:30 last night we gave up and just went with one.

We both liked this one, but the colors seems a little off.

Larry is fuzzy here, not to mention my glowing shine.

I'm partial to this one.....

Me getting cheesy and tired of taking pictures.

Cute, but too dark. I won't post the one we picked just in case someone reading this will be getting it in the mail. Don't want to spoil the surprise.

Taking Turns

We spent Thanksgiving in So Cal with Larry's parents and family. The week before we were due to arrive, the MIL and FIL's house was under an inch of water. They were lucky enough to get to experience what happens when the water dispenser in the refrigerator decides to express itself when it shouldn't. We offered to wait and postpone our visit until everything was cleaned up and repaired, but they insisted that we come out as planned.
Side note: Larry and I have also had this most unpleasant of experiences. When we were remodeling this house, we hooked up the ice maker on the new fridge and left for the weekend. When we returned, we found the house pouring over with water. Did I mention we were days away from moving in? The basement was destroyed and we basically had to start all over. So we do understand the chaos and stress of having water running through the house.

We decided to fly out at the last minute and arrived Thanksgiving morning. Upon entering the house, we were stunned to see the extent of the damage. I should also add that my in laws are pack rats to the umpteenth degree. They will be the first to admit to their pack rat abilities, but only until they had to remove everything from every room, could they fully realize the extent of their "pack rat-ness." There were piles and piles everywhere. Larry and I could do nothing but start to dig in and try to help get things organized. They were both overwhelmed and stuck in that "where to begin" mode. We started with one pile and asked "do you use this," or "do you need this," or "when was the last time you opened this book," and every variation there of. We took old furniture out to the garage and called the Salvation Army for a pick up, and we loaded up the car and drove to the Goodwill for a drop off. I actually found an old furniture catalog from 1960! Yes, my friends 1960!

After our busy weekend, we went to leave Monday afternoon only to find all the flights had been rerouted due to coastal fog. Result.....no empty seats for us to use. At the airport, we stopped off at an Applebee's for lunch and with a full stomach, decided to rent and a car and drive home. I drove us from Ontario to Mesquite, and Larry took the last leg from Mesquite to home. We arrived about 1:30 in the morning, but were happy to be home in our bed with our little fuzzy babies.

On the long drive home, we started to see that our relationship with Larry's parents has changed. It has begun to shift from a parent taking care of a child to a child taking care of the parent. I suppose this is something that happens with everyone at some point in their lives. My mom is only 58 and full of piss and vinegar, so I think I have a bit of time to still be her kid, but with Larry's folk we can see now that they need us to be near and to help them even when they insist they don't need it. They have lived their lives as good and loving parents, and now it is time for the kids to help take care of them.

Happy Thanksgiving!

Lunch

Today I went out to lunch with a childhood friend. It was surreal and nostalgic but also comfortable. Tamera and I have known each other since Jr. High. I always remember Tamera as confident, outgoing, with a no-holds-barred kind of attitude. She would definitely tell me what she thought, and I admired her for that. While we were talking I got see her in a new "confident adult, loving mom, career woman" light. She still has that exuberance that she always had, and that laugh that is hard to forget. She also still does things with her hands when she talks. She managed to take a straw wrapper and wrap it into a perfect little ball. I had forgotten about her playing with stuff with her hands when she would talk to me in class......until this afternoon.

I will admit that by my senior year of high school I was beyond ready to leave and move on to greener pastures. I wanted to shed off high school and let the person waiting inside come to the surface. As such, I did a major brain dump after graduation. I did the ever so cliche, "put it behind me and never looked back." I didn't realize how much of my youth I had forgotten until I started doing this Facebook business. I had even started thinking I wasn't going to bother with the 20 year reunion because no one would remember me anyway. Talking to Tamera, I was almost sad because I realize how many memories I have let go of; both the good and the bad. She had said that she remembered me as always being nice to her, and that by the end she could see that I was struggling, struggling to be who I was. Even she knew I wasn't happy in the skin I was in, that I was hiding myself and who I was. I find it frightening to know how easy I am to read. I obviously was then and still am now.

The road since high school has been bumpy and at times very confusing for me. I think I spent a lot of time in rest stops along the way just trying to understand were I have come from, where I am going, and if where I am headed represents the real me. I see the girl I was more vividly after my visit with Tamera today. It is like seeing Tamera made me see myself. I think this has been very good for me. I have kind of lived my life hiding from my youth. There are many reasons for that, many I don't want to get into right now, but I can't deny I have spent a lot of time running.

I heard it said that one can't really move forward until amends of the past are made. I understand this more clearly these days. How can you really know who you are if you don't see where you came from? Maybe most people do, but I think I have become detached in a way. Visiting with so many friends from my past I am beginning to put the pieces together, and be okay with who I was back then and who I am today. There are many good memories that need to be remembered, and having good friends to relive them with makes the past a pill much easier to swallow.

Realism?

I watched this news show last night and wanted to share it. I find it appalling what women and girls are expected to look like now. Add that it is all a big fat photo shopped lie and I become furious.

It's Hawaii Time again....

I just returned from a 4 day trip to Hawaii. If you have read my blog for the last year, you would know that this has become a big part of my life. This last year Larry worked full-time for the Navy and was stationed at Camp Smith within Pacific Command. This last year my life was somewhat chaotic with the monthly trips to and from Hawaii. I know that some might think, "oh please....you HAVE to go to Hawaii......cry me a river." I will be the first to say it has been a wonderful experience, but it does make one's life somewhat temporary when every few weeks you have to leave one life for another.

Larry is officially home now, but is still a drilling reservist at PACOM. This last week while I was in Florida he was in Hawaii doing his reservist work and also house/dog sitting for some friends on the Windward side of the island (opposite of Honolulu/Waikiki). I decided to join him and we had a great time.

Cheese the Dog.

Us enjoying a nice dinner on their back patio.

An early morning walk makes for a beautiful sunrise (minus all the wires).

Walking the dog to Kailua Beach

Sun still working its way from behind the morning clouds.

Cheese doing that dog thing

Another picture perfect day at the beach.

Larry running into the water.

And to top it all off, some endangered Monk Seals beached themselves for us to take many pictures of. It was pretty cool.