Missing Morocco

I was going through some photos of my trip to Morocco as I am trying to put together a display for my living room wall. I converted a couple of my favorites to Black and White. I thought I would share them here.
If you click on them, they should open up full-size.

January

I realize that January is almost over and I have yet to add my Leopold writing. Here it is.....

The months of the year, from January up to June, are a geometric progression in the abundance of distractions. In January one may follow a skunk track, or search for bands on the chickadees, or see what young pines the deer browsed, or what muskrat houses the mink have dug, with only an occasional and mild digression into other doings. January observation can be almost as simple and peaceful as snow, and almost as continuous as cold. There is time not only to see who has done what, but to speculate why.

Photo taken at Big Cottonwood Canyon.

CATS

After a painful and depressing week, I needed a little laughter in my life. As some of you may know, I love animals and have a special fondness for cats. I found this brought a smile to my face. Enjoy!

There's that ringing in my ears

When I turned 30 I began to realize that my body was not as indestructible as I had previously thought. One night, I began to hear a slight ringing or buzzing in my right ear. I thought it may be a mosquito and began to swat the air around my head, but the buzzing was still there. I turned on my light to look around for a bug of some sort (I was living in Florida at the time, bugs are everywhere), but nothing. After a few more nights of this constant buzzing sound, I started to realize that the noise was coming from inside my head. "O God," I thought to myself, "this is it. I am finally losing my mind." I began to poke and massage my ear and realized that this little buzzing noise was coming from inside my ear. I began to have flashbacks to some creepy Twilight Zone or Outer Limits program where one of the characters found a bug nesting in his ear. I freaked out and began to irrigate my ear with water using one of those baby booger suction devises. I was desperate. Please just make it stop! It didn't.
After a few weeks, I decided to go see an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist. This Doctor was "Old South," probably in his 80's, very stoic, and unmoved by my fear about what was going on with me. He look in my ear, looked in my throat, asked my if I work around heavy machinery, or play the music in my car too loudly. I have been known to jam to music, but I can normally still hear my voice humming along. He then sent me to an audiologist for hearing tests. My hearing was fine. The conclusion was that it was Tinnitus with no cure. "Just learn to live with it," was the advice I received. Over time, I just accepted it and trained myself to not hear it.

A few years later, I woke up to a spinning room. I had begun to experience Vertigo. The ringing in my ears was extremely loud. I couldn't even stand up without falling over. My husband (a pilot) said it sounded like I had "the Lean's" which is an aeronautical term pilots use after they have been spun around inside the spacial disorientation trainer, or in pilot terminology the "spin and puke." I was standing in my kitchen, but I felt as if I was leaning over. I was a mess. I went to go see a Navy ENT doctor this time. I told him my symptoms and he began to do a range of tests. He was a reservist (part-time), and saw this as an opportunity to brush up on his skills. He began to shove wires up my nose and down my throat, and inspected my ear thoroughly. He couldn't say for sure, but he thought I might have Multiple Sclerosis. My heart exploded. "What!!" I have worked with MS patients when I was a nurse assistant just out of high school. I remember taking care of them because they couldn't take care of themselves. Life as I had known it, was over.
He sent me to have an MRI of my brain. I don't think there has ever been another time in my life where I have been so frightened. Things being already as stressful as they were, my MRI was on a Monday and my Doctor would not be back to read the results until.....you guessed it, the following weekend! I think that was the longest week of my life. Late Saturday night, I received the phone call I was both waiting impatiently for and dreading at the same time. The results came back negative. He could find nothing on my brain (no pun intended). The sunshine came back to my face and I could breathe again. But he still couldn't figure out what was going on. I didn't care, the dizzy spells were gone and I was happy to be alive!
A few months later, another attack set in. My vertigo wasn't as bad, but I was so tired. I couldn't get enough sleep. After a few days, it also subsided. But this time, I decided to do my own investigations. I got on the Internet and put in a search for "ringing in ears + dizzy spells." To my surprise, the result produced entry after entry of "Meniere's disease." I started reading over it. That was it. I have Meniere's disease. Why could neither doctor diagnose this? Word for word, the symptoms are exactly my symptoms.
On the good side, I found out what was wrong with me. On the bad, there is no cure and in some cases leads to deafness. Later, I found out that many members of my family also have the same problem, they just didn't have a name for it. One of my cousin's was actually diagnosed with MS, and many years later she found that this was the wrong diagnosis and that she too, had Meneire's disease. Can you imagine going so long thinking you have MS?
So why this long diatribe? After more than 2 years, I had a bad attack this week. Dizziness, nausea, sleepiness, and for the first time, vomiting. I have been out of it, and am just now trying to recover after a whole week gone by. I realize now that it usually surfaces due to my inability to deal with the stresses I place on myself. My anxiety goes up, and when my body can no longer handle it, an attack sets in. Sort of like an alarm bell reminding me to take better care of myself. There is no cure, and very little is available to treat it. I just have to get better at taking care of myself and keeping my anxiety levels down.
Meneire's is a dark spot on my life that reminds how precious life it, and how I take it for granted. It is easy to forget about it when the attacks don't happen, but when they arrive, it is a brutal reminder to me of what is really important in my life.

Lazy Weekend

Talk about a wasted weekend. I think I am on a record for the amount of time one can waste on a given day. Yesterday it was cold and snowing, so I decided to hunker down (is that a word?) and do nothing all day. I managed it quite well. I started the day with a hot cup of tea, as I have kicked my coffee habit (I deserve 3 gold stars please) some bread and a glass of organic apple juice. I went through the paper, which normally takes about 5 minutes, and asked myself yet again why I have a subscription. Then I turned on the news, kicked my feet up and surprisingly fell asleep sitting up. You have to understand that I never take naps, not unless I am sick, so this was a big deal to me. I woke up about 20 minutes later to a massive pain in my neck.
I got up, slightly disgusted with myself, and started to do some laundry, played with Zoey, and then decided to watch some of the movies I had rented. I first watch "An Inconvenient Truth" which was very good and very informative. It is a topic I already have a fair amount of knowledge on, but it was good to hear it all again. The movie is more like a college seminar. He (Al Gore) uses a lot of chart, graphs, and statistics to get his point(s) across. I recommend it to anyone that is interested in Global Warming and the challenges it brings. It is also slightly depressing to see how quickly these events are unfolding. If you are looking for the four horsemen, your won't have to look much further than your own gas tank.
On a lighter note, I followed up with M.Night's "Lady in the Water." I had heard a lot of bad reviews about this picture, so I was a little hesitant about renting it, but I will have to go against the mainstream and say that I actually enjoyed it. Paul Giamatti is one of my favorite actors, so I figured it couldn't be all bad. I will admit that it was his acting that held the movie together. I was surprised that so many people hated it. I love the "fairy tale" aspect of it. It was criticized for being so unrealistic. Well, duh, its a fairy tale! It is based on a bedtime story that M. Night told his kids. You have to have the heart of child to really get anything out of the story. The ability to imagine a separate sea world, sea nymphs, and bad, evil monsters is absolutely required.
By this time it was about 4 p.m. and I was still in my P.J.'s! I couldn't believe it. I decided that I was getting a little smelly and should take a shower. Later on, my mom called and told me how hot is was is Florida (no, I don't miss it) and that she is looking forward to my visit next month. I decided to do a half hour of exercise with weights, listened to some music, and then I curled up on the couch again with my pillows and quilt and read my book. Dinner consisted of Wheat Thins, baby carrots, and a lemon yogurt. Ahhh....the single life. Meals become whatever can be scrounged up out of the cabinets. Later, Larry called me to say goodnight as he was headed out for a reception dinner. He was standing on the beach telling me how beautiful it was, and I became very jealous. I still think it was a good idea that I didn't go, he has been very busy, but I am still green.
A few hours later, I went to bed. Now, I don't know about most people, but I have to say that was a pretty lazy day, enjoyable, but lazy.
Today has been spent doing make up for the work that I didn't get done yesterday. Oh well. Pay backs.

What's in a name?

Well it is official. I am no longer alone in this world. The name Bindy, Bindi, or Bindie has finally made it into the mainstream. Given it was out of tragedy with the death of Steve Irwin that his daughter, Bindi, has come into the spotlight. But for all the "Bindi's" in the world (the few of us that there are) Thank You! Most people take their name for granted, as if it says nothing about who they are. Believe me, a name is very important, especially when you are the only one you know that has it.
I realize that Bindi is also the name for the dot that Hindu women wear on their foreheads as a decoration. Tell that to a bunch of 6 year old's growing up in Taylorsville, Utah in the 70s. No instead of it being a symbol denoting....... " the sixth chakra, agni, the seat of concealed wisdom. The bindi is said to retain energy and strengthen concentration. It is also said to protect against demons or bad luck." ....and producing a "cool" or "neato" as it does today, I was taunted with "so Bindy, where's Bork?" HAHAHA!

I'll admit that until a few years ago, I disliked my name and refused to go by anything other than Belinda (even though I never felt that fit my person not to mention the continued comparison to Belinda Carlisle). Now I love my name. Having "Bindi, The Jungle Girl" making the headlines allows me to say my name and have people actually understand what I am saying. No longer is it Cindy? Mindy? and yes, I have actually had people call me Dindy! Dindy? And that sounds better than Bindy? But now I say "Bindy" and they say "Bindy?, that Croc guy who died kid's name?" (I go with it), or they point to their forehead.
Now I am looking forward to stocking up my shelves with mugs, pens, pencils, key chains, stickers, and whatever else I can get that has my name plastered on it! The day has finally come where we "Bindy's" are no longer going to accept ambiguous trinkets! And the day will come when I can even hit my spellchecker and my page won't errupt with highlighted marks across my name (you should see this one light up!). That will be the real icing on the cake!

Flying Away

Today I dropped off my husband at the airport. He is starting his new Reserve job in Hawaii. GRRRRR. Yes, I am here in freezing cold temperatures, and he is off to the lovely beaches of Hawaii for the next 5 days. It is not a vacation. He is going to be busy working and getting to know his new job and mates, but still....IT'S IN HAWAII!

Actually, I could have gone with him, but chose not to. "WHAT?" Yep, you read right. I really did want to go, but I chose not to go for him. I didn't want to be a distraction for his first weekend of work. He is not so good at focusing on his job and becomes overly concerned with me, where I am, what I'm doing, etc... I just felt that first impressions can't be done over, and with this job, first impressions are going to be everything. Besides, he is going back in March for 2 weeks. I figure I can always join him for part of that trip.

All that being said, it still sucks. I would so like to be sitting in a swimsuit in 80 degree temperatures, the sun warming my skin, reading a good book, drinking a mai tai, and enjoying life. Instead I'll be lucky to see 30 degrees this weekend, the inversion has definitely arrived, and we have been told to stay inside if at all possible. YIPPEE!
I have been reminded that I never did much care for January in Salt Lake. However, it still beats living in the South in August!

8 more weeks, 8 more weeks, 8 more weeks........that will be my mantra to get me through the next 5 days.

Hanging with a friend

It is Sunday evening, and I just returned from the airport. My brother-in-law was visiting for the weekend. It's always nice having Terry visit. He is one of those visitors that come into town with no expectations or requirements to "make the most" out of their time. He just likes to hang out with you and enjoys your company.
The day he arrived it was snowing like crazy. I was unsure of what to do to keep him entertained. But since Terry is Terry, we ended up going to Fiddlers Elbow and playing a few rounds of pool. It was a great way to spend a snowy evening. I myself, am not a "strategic" game player. I kind of live in the moment and to hell with what the next move is (not always a good strategy for life, but I'm learning). Terry, however, couldn't be more different from myself. He was trying to teach me the geometry of my next move, and although I would appear to be listening, in reality it was going in one ear and out the other. I would shoot, miss, laugh, and he would actually look disappointed, as if I did it on purpose. But that is Terry. I would come back with some remark about his seriousness, remind him it is just a game, and finally a smile would slowly creep its way across his face.
The next day, the temperatures dropped to fricken freezing (utah slang). Again, stumped as to how to spend the day, we decided to go to the Auto Show that was in town. I have never been to an auto show before. My expectation was that it would be a bunch of men running around drooling. I wasn't too far off. However, I did enjoy looking at the futuristic car designs that will probably never actually happen as well as some of the old classic cars. Larry and I had been "shopping" for a new vehicle as both our current cars are exceeding the 10 year mark (mine is 14 this year). We had been seriously considering the Toyota Rav4, but at the Auto show, I fell for the Mitsubishi Outlander. I think Terry had a good time as well. He found he could even fit into a Mini.
Later that night, I decided to try a recipe I have never cooked before, a Mexican Mole. It wasn't as easy as I would have liked as it was somewhat hard to find all the ingredients. I was hit and miss with substitutions, but I managed okay.

Today we didn't do much. We attempt to view some sites around town, but it was so bitterly cold that it was not very enjoyable. Terry is so easy going though, he never makes you feel as if he not having a good time. We just hung out, talked at length and laughed about certain bodily functions (yes I know, very juvenile), watched some football, ate some food, and then it was back to the airport. Here I am now already reminiscing. I guess it is always nice to have family visit when that family is more like a good friend.

Why Artemis?

Recently I was speaking with my mom regarding this "blog thing" that I do. She apparently visits my site on occasion, and was full of questions about what it all means and why I do this. Funny thing is, it was my sister who started the whole obsession. She, electric banana (don't ask and I don't want to know), began a blog sometime back. I thought if I also blogged, we could stay in better contact and catch up with what we each were doing (she is in Florida and I am here). That was going pretty well until she got a boyfriend. Since that happened, she hasn't updated her blog at all. I, on the other hand, continue to dig and write to find my voice.

My mom dosen't understand why I would air my laundry, dirty or clean, for public viewing. Well....based on the few that leave comments, I think my viewership is rather low, and although I have a name and a face, I don't think the majority of those who read my blog actually knows much about me or my life outside of what I write. My blog is a way of being myself, expressing who I am, without undergoing any real scrutiny or critism. I like the anonymous aspect of it.

"So who is this Artemis?" my mom asked. I guess that is a bit of a lengthy story, which leads me back to why I am writing this post. Who is Artemis, and why is she the title to my blog? When I signed up for my blog account, I was stumped as to what this blog's title would be. Most the blogs I had visited said something about the author, a descriptor of their character or how they saw themselves. That was actually hard for me to do. After going through a few different titles, I became frustrated and just settled on something stupid that I can't even recall now.

At the same time I was entering the blog realm, the area I live in was undergoing a major renovation. The 9th and 9th district is known for its artsy, alternative, college crowd. Coffee houses, old theatres, small, locally owned boutiques, etc... Part of the renovation was to include scupltures of the 9 Muses at each corner of the 9th and 9th intersection. I was curious as to who these Muses were and what they represented. My research took me to a web page titled "What Greek Goddess are you?" Killing time, I decided to see what this was all about, and took a 20 questions quiz. The results stated that I am most like the Goddess Artemis. After doing some reading on her, I did find that many of her personality traits and what she stood for (her compassion for children and animals) did ring true for me. After a while, I started liking the idea of being Artemis-ish. Thus, Artemis Travels (Travels from Steinbeck's "Travels with Charley") was born.

My mom still thinks I'm nuts. Ironically, her questions where just the inspiration I needed to write another post today. Thanks mom!

You'll have to pardon me

I am apparently on an 80's trip. It must be the weather or something. All my music is old stuff, and I seem to be involuntarily visiting the past. The music was so fun back then, and I am obviously in need of some uplifting. This past weekend I found myself "escaping" into my memories chest and sifting through old yearbooks, photos, etc... . Maybe it is just this "New Year" stuff. Taking stock of the past, contemplating the future. Who knows. I am probably over-thinking the whole thing.

A Beautiful Sunday Afternoon

The skies had cleared, the inversion had lifted, and the fresh snow made for a beautiful Sunday afternoon.



Geese at Sugarhouse Park










A view of the Wasatch Mtns. from Sugarhouse park.

We continued on towards East Canyon (which we found out was closed to vehicle traffic for the winter). This is Little Dell watershed in Emigration Canyon.




















This is me trying to stay out of the wind and warm my ears with my shoulders.











Overlooking the watershed.


Sledders making the most of the good weather.

Book reviews

In the past I haven't really used my posts to review the books I am reading. I've decided to change that and add a little something regarding my reads. I hope it doesn't come across as didactic or dull.

Franz Kafka - The Metamorphosis
This is a book I have had forever, and am still struggling to finish it. I know it's only a short story and should be no problem to read, but I am just not getting into it. I have about 15 pages left and continually place it on the bottom of the book pile. When it resurfaces, I read a few pages and then move on to something else. Ultimately, it is about a man, traveling salesman Gregor, who turns into an insect upon waking one morning. He flips out because he isn't going to be able to get work due to his new insect status. His parents are butt heads, his boss is a pig, and he is generally a miserable man. It seems like a bad dream filled with the stresses of life that Gregor just can't seem to break away from. The metaphorical insect transformation feels cage-like to me, frustrating, and "lower than life." Its antithesis would be the bird or butterfly. I hope to finish it and have a more interesting review.

A Wrinkle in Time - Madelieine L'Engle
Book Club selection. I have only started this book, so I don't have much to say yet. Since it is written for children (6th grade and up), I expect this one to be fun and exciting.

The Universe in a Single Atom - The Dalai Lama
I picked this one up just before Christmas because it sounded interesting to me. It is a challenging read, but most enjoyable. If you have any love of science and philosophy, then this may be one to consider. I have had to read this one slowly, and often have to go back and reread, even read out loud, just to try and understand the concepts he discusses. I am just finishing a rather lengthy discussion on the Theory of Emptiness which is one of the most important philosophical insights in Buddhism. To quote:
"any belief in an objective reality grounded in the assumption of intrinsic, independent existence is untenable. All things and events, whether material, mental, or even abstract concepts like time, are devoid of objective, independent existence. To possess such independent, intrinsic existence would imply that things and events are somehow complete unto themselves and are therefore entirely self-contained. This would mean that nothing has the capacity to interact with and exert influence on other phenomena. But we know that there is cause and effect......In a universe of self-contained, inherently existing things, these events would never occur. I would not be able to write on paper, and you would not be able to read the words on this page. So since we interact and change each other, we must assume that we are not independent - although we may feel or intuit that we are." Okay....so the view that we are existing independently contradicts with causation.
The chapter continues with discussions on Einsteinium physics (theory of relativity) and quantum physics, which basically contradicts Einstein's theories. This level of discussion results in me repeating paragraphs over and over in an attempt to conceptualize the information.
I am looking forward to the next chapter of the Big Bang Theory and the Buddhist Beginningless Universe.
Although I am not Buddhist, nor a scientist, I love challenging discourse in both philosophy and scientific theory. When they blend, I find it irresistible.

My missing gene

A couple of evenings ago, my husband and I made a trip to a Sears. We had purchased a new vacuum cleaner a few weeks ago and had noticed that the price had dropped since our purchase. I thought $20 was worth the trip. After we arrived, my husband took the receipt to the counter, and I found myself wandering aimlessly around the store. I first found myself in the furniture department, then I wandered off into refrigerators and stoves. I came back around to see if my husband had gotten the money back only to find that he was no longer at the counter, nor was the clerk. After a few seconds, I could hear my husband's voice (its a rather deep, booming voice) laughing with the clerk and another woman back in the vacuum area. Slightly confused, I made my way toward his voice. He spotted me, and had a mischievous look on his face. "What is he up to?" I thought to myself.
Larry is a talker. He can chat away anyone's ear. We have been stuck in stores for over an hour because he will strike up a conversation with someone. I can't totally blame him, people seem to gravitate to him and want to chit chat. I, on the other hand, typically have the "don't talk to me unless I talk to you first" written in bold letters across my forehead. I'm a "let's get to the point" person and I am out of the store in 3 seconds flat. Larry is a "so....can you explain to me how this driving mechanism works on the LX14000" person, and 12 hours later he finally decides NOT to buy it!

So, back to the vacuums.....I located Larry gabbing away with the lady clerk and the speculative vacuum buyer. He was attempting to sell the same model we had purchased to the shopper, and actually knew more about said vacuum than the clerk. He was demonstrating the item, explaining the tools, and offering a brief analysis of the canister vs. upright. I wandered over, and asked "so...sweetie, what'cha up to?" "Oh, nothing. This lady is looking at our vacuum, and I thought I would tell her about it." He had a big ol' grin on his face, as if he was 5 again and looking at Tonka Trucks in the Toy isle. "Hummm." I said. "Okay......well you have fun!"

Expecting to be there for at least an eternity, I turned the corner and decided to make the rounds again. Somehow, I found myself in the baby section. Baby clothes, baby cribs, baby gear, you know.... the endless displays of pink, blue, yellow and green (what is it with babies and pastels anyways?). Wading through it all, I found myself in the company of two very young girls, and yes I mean girls, checking out a crib and matching furniture. They were discussing the items with much seriousness, and seemed to know what it was they were looking for. I stood there amongst all the pink jumper suits, diaper collection devises, and crib safety gadgets just waiting, waiting for the ovaries to start kicking and screaming. "Okay, if I stand here long enough, this stuff will start to sink in." I thought. If I try hard enough, I too can be examining cribs, changing tables, and the breast milk suction apparatus with as much enthusiasm as those two girls. I stand there, hoping for a lightning strike, a glowing light from God, a message of some sort that says "Now is the time. You, Bindy, must have a child or be damned for all eternity." But nothing, no message, no feeling of longing or anticipation, nothing at all.

Disappointed, I decided to go gather my husband. Along the way I stopped off to stare at the new selection of Sony plasmas they had in. Then I had a thought. My husband is off chatting with the chicks in housewares, and here I am in electronics. What is wrong with this picture? Even after an attempt of brainwashing via pink elephants and purple giraffes, I can't seem to get "that feeling" I have been told about by my friends and family. Am I deficient, genetically mutant, or just plain messed up? Am I missing the gene that makes a woman really a woman? I don't care for gabbing on the phone, shopping, having long nails, push up bras, $200 eye makeup, or reading Cosmo. I don't drool over babies or small children (but I love having lengthy conversations with them starting at about age 3), nor do I wish for the day when my SUV interior matches my diaper bag. The idea of having another person growing inside me makes me feel....well claustrophobic. It's not that I am not maternal. I love kids, being with kids, playing with kids. They are some of the most insightful, creative, and underappriciated humans on the planet, at least to me, but I seem to miss that "thing" that makes a woman want to procreate.

After a few minutes staring at the glowing blue screens, I decided it was time to go. I located Larry again, this time he was actually at the counter getting our money. Yeah!
As we leave, I tell him about the baby stuff and about my missing genetic code. "Is there any possible way we could change sex organs?" I ask him with a small amount of seriousness. He looked at me confused, "Sorry babe, no can do." I grabbed his hand and headed for the escalators.
"Could we quickly stop by the tools before leaving? There is this new air hammer I want to check out." I said, emphasizing the word "quickly." He looked at me, smiled, and said "she's back!"


P.S. After my husband read this, he asked me to add that the vacuum "thing" was just a love of gadgets. It's not that he loves vacuums or the job of vacuuming (I can attest to that), but that it is a tool is what interests him. Okay, honey.....your masculinity is back in its rightful place.

Happy New Year!

Yes, the New Year celebrations have come and gone. This is my first entry in 2007. I guess I should make it a milestone or something, but my New Year was not all that interesting, at least not that interesting sounding as I sit here thinking about it. I would like to say that I went out for some mega, crazy New Year party, but I think I mentioned before that I live in Utah...hahaha. No, actually I am not much of a party animal, and with smoking still permitted here in clubs and bars, I can think of a million other things to do rather than spend my evening inhaling second hand smoke.
My hubby and I stayed in. We had purchased some movies ("Cars" and "Barnyard" being two of them.....I did state that I'm not a party animal...right?), ordered a pizza, put on our P.J.'s before 8:00p.m. and by 11:00 had both fallen into a carbo induced crash onto the sofa. At 12:20a.m., my husband shook me and said "wake up honey.....Happy New Year." I sort of peaked open one eye, wiped the drool off my cheek, and said "Hafy nu yir" back. The next thing I know it's 10:00a.m. New Years Day, apparently I had managed to get into bed sometime during the night.
Yes, we had big plans to ring in the New Year. We were going to get up pre-crack of dawn and find a place to view the sunrise to toast to the New Year. Suuuuurrrre, that was going to happen. I think I did wake up about 6:00 a.m. out of habit, but after listening to my husband motoring through his dreams, I opted to just snuggle in and save the sunrise for another day.
That was it. Not too glamorous, and probably pretty boring to most, but what the heck.....I guess that's just me.

Happy New Year!