Getting older.....and better

Yesterday Larry and I made our way to REI to get the supplies we need for our back country trip this week.
This is my birthday trip as my birthday is Friday. I guess one could say that this is a "big one," turning 35 and entering into the realm of my mid to late 30's. By the end of the week, I will have entered into a different demographic. No longer will I be a member of the 18-34 group. Now I'm with the "old" folks that prefer to watch "Dateline" over "Family Guy," and chose to spend money on patio furniture rather than a video game or go to the movies. Strange... I don't feel any different that I did yesterday, a year ago, or 5 years ago.

I have been spending some time reflecting on what it means to me to be this age, to be getting older. I have to be honest and say "not much." I guess when I look at myself I see someone that is aging somewhat, at least physically. I have a few lines around my eyes that occasionally stick around if I don't get enough sleep. There are also some strange dents in between my eyebrows that appear when I am cross, and won't leave. I was recently confronted with 3 very coarse silver hairs that were sticking straight out of the top of my head. They were immediately removed. After careful examinations of those hairs, I thought to myself, "well at least I will finally get to have that thick hair I have always wanted."
For me, I just don't feel old. I don't feel any different than I did at 20, 25 or 30. I'm still learning a lot, and the more I learn, the more I realize I still have to learn. I don't want to stop learning. I think for me, that would be certain death to my spirit. I don't want all the answers served up to me on a platter, nor do I want to find that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I think the curiosity inside of me is what makes me unique and different.

I was recently told that I am a late bloomer. I don't know what was meant by saying it, but I found it odd that because at 35 I am still searching, learning, and find the world mysterious and fascinating I am considered to be "late." Late to what? Is there some sort of prearranged time line that I am unaware of? All I know is that I am here now and that I will die...someday. I can't really afford to waste time worrying about wrinkles or whether I will ever fit into my size 6 jeans again. Whether I have the "right" house, the "right" size saving account, or the most "successful" career. I have living to do. I guess that is why I chose to go backpacking this year. I love the challenge, both physically and mentally. I love the freedom, and the short term survival skill one learns along the way. I like feeling alive and my spirit feeling full.

Maybe that is something that I can truly celebrate this year. Not just another year older, not just another year closer to death or retirement, but one more year of me, of my life and living. One more year of experiences and lessons learned. My hope is for more years to continue, marked by "Happy Birthdays", so that I can look back on birthdays like this one and think to myself "you did good girl."

I go forth to make new demands on life. I wish to begin the summer well; to do something in it worthy of it and me; to transcend my daily routine and that of my townsmen....I pray that the life of this spring and summer may ever lie fair in my memory. May I dare as I have never done! May I persevere as I have never done!
- Henry David Thoreau