Saying Goodbye

I have been spoiled the last 2 months. My husband has been home almost every night for dinner. This constitutes as being spoiled in my book. Today that ended when I dropped him off at the airport this morning for a two week trip to Washington D.C.. Our relationship/marriage is probably not "common" in the world of traditional marriages, what with him being an airline pilot and also a Naval Officer in the Reserves, he is usually gallivanting from one end of the globe to the other. Add to that we also live in Salt Lake City which is not a hot spot for Naval activity, and has only one pilot base (Delta). It is easy to see that much of the time we are apart.

I could probably sit here and tell you that it is a great way to live, that because of it I am soooo independent, and that we can do whatever we want whenever we want. I could tell you this and it would be partly true, but it would also be misleading. It is a lifestyle that has its challenges. I often find myself giving up on doing things that I want to do, so that I can spend more time with him while he has that unusual full day off. We rarely if ever actually have a schedule more than one month out (if we're lucky), so forget trying to plan anything with more than 4 weeks notice; doctor's appointments, birthday parties, family activities, or just trying to plan a simple get together with friends is almost impossible. And forget having traditional weekends off together. Most of the time his weekend is mid work week for everyone else. I have come to terms with the fact that I must have a life of my own without him, which means I end up doing many things bachelorette style. Just as our life was in the military, I often make my own way and when he can, he joins me.

This morning we left early to go out to breakfast before heading off to the airport. We started talking about what we would be doing while apart (me mostly), and how much we will miss each other until I arrive next week. And then he said something that stung me, "someday you'll realize that you know longer need me." I wanted to know what he meant by this. So I prodded him until he stated his fear. Essentially it came down to the fact that in the day to day running of life I don't "need" him to fulfill obligatory duties. I guess he is right in that aspect. I take care of everything here at the house that needs to be done; yard, home, bills, occasional neighbor dog poop scooping, taking out the trash etc... . But I don't see them as he/she jobs, they are just jobs that have to be done whether his is home or not. Apparently this was his point. I don't "need" him to take out the trash. I don't "need" him to mow the lawn. I don't "need" him to deal with the cell phone company for charging us a late fee because they lost the check. It will be taken care of it, and most of the time it will get taken care of by me.

I suppose it is like this for many men that are often away from home, this feeling of needing to be needed. I posed the question, "should I leave stuff for you to do, so that when you get home you can take out stinky 2 week old trash, or leave you to deal with the bills that are now past due?" He smirked at me. Guess not.

What it really comes down to is knowing that I am still here when he comes home , that I still love him, that we are still happy, and although not as much as we may like, we still have our life together.

After a few more minutes of discussion I looked into his eyes and asked, "but isn't it nice to know that I am here because I want you, and not because I need you?" He smiled back at me with a small drip of syrup on his lip, "yes. Yes it is."


A side note: Last night I made this dessert that was yummy. It is fresh berries between a sweet potato biscuit with fresh cream. It is summer wonderful. I just wanted to take a picture and share.