What is it about starting over?

Today I registered for classes to start down the path that will lead me to becoming a Speech Language Pathologist. I had been hemming and hawing for the last month on when to register. I realize now that it was mostly because I am just afraid of going a new direction in my life. I know this is not an uncommon feeling to have. But for me it is not just going back to school and starting a new job, but it feels like I am starting new in almost every arena of my life. I often look to my mother-in-law for mentoring. At the age of 60 she picked up ballet again after 40 years! And at the youthful age of 65 she went back to school for her Doctorate.

This last weekend I found a dance school for adults (please no mother/wife references, we are similar and also very different). My first reaction was to squeal with delight which was quickly followed by criticism and doubt, "I bet I am really out of shape. It has been 17 years *sigh* since I last took a real dance class, will I look like an elephant trying to lift my leg up onto the bar? Will I be the old lady in the class? No....not a leotard....that's going to show everything!" Yes, those are actual thoughts rummaging around in this head of mine. Even with all the criticism, I know this is what I want even if I do look like an elephant.

I am crossing the t's and dotting the i's on my resume. I have downloaded some applications with the Salt Lake school district and am hopeful to land a speech aide position for the fall. Getting a new job is always full of uncertainty. Will I fit in with those around me? How will I be perceived? Will I have time to devote to both work and school? All these questions are bound to lead to some doubt, but I know this is what I want, so I will continue on.

I am also dusting off the cobwebs of my old business plan. Three years ago I had a full fledged small business I was running out of my home in Florida. My mom is lighting a firecracker under my butt, as she now wants to be a distributor for me down in Florida. I am looking forward to getting it under way again, and hope to soon. Now, how can I trick my husband into working for me?

These are all steps to living the life I want to live, and to being the person I want to be. I know that is a good thing, but boy that fear thing can sometimes really take a hold. I am always battling my "fear" demon, and his close brother "doubt." It is hard some days, but what can one do? I guess I could just do nothing. But past experiences have told me that leads to misery. I must take a leap of faith and go forward, take a stand or fall (okay so that isn't what the song is about, but what the heck, it gives me a reason to play a great song). After all, if my Mother-in-law could change her life at 60+, I can at 35!