A few posts back I wrote about the spirit-like presence in my home that I encountered one windy night. At that time I wrote about me being what is termed HSP, or a Highly Sensitive Person (some go as far as saying Empath, but I don't know much on that subject). This was something that was told to me, but I never considered it more than just label for someone that is extra sensitive both emotionally and to my surroundings, and actually considered it a weakness.
As a child I was introverted and painfully shy. In our American society of idealizing the outlandish, the aggressive, and "in your face" attitude, I learned early that me being me was just not going to cut it, and I would be nothing if I continued on my path of being overly sensitive. As most children that try to please their parents, their teachers, and anyone they admire, I taught myself how to be more acceptable. In some ways this was good. I got over some of my shyness and began to build confidence in myself where I could. In other ways, as I shut down my sensitivity, I also shut down a lot of my "gut" reflexes and stopped listening to those things I now call "knowings." This cost me a lot of growth, and eventually I became very lost.
Fast forward a few years to the present and I am now starting to listen again to myself and becoming more confident in me being who I am, sensitivity and all. It is still hard sometimes. I really have to work at it everyday, but I am getting there. It is sad as I reflect on the time I consider lost because I was always trying to be something I wasn't and making myself very miserable. On the plus side I am finding my way back step by step, day by day. I guess that counts for something.
I recently came across a self-test out of a book for HSP. It looks a little like a sex-test out of Cosmo or something, but if you are interested take a look.....
Are You Highly Sensitive?
A Self-Test
Instructions: Answer each question according to the way you personally feel. Check if it is at least somewhat true for you; leave unchecked if it is not very true or not at all true for you. (my comments are in grey)
I am easily overwhelmed by strong sensory input. (Electronics and their buzzing sounds can start to irritate me after a while)
I seem to be aware of subtleties in my environment.
Other people's moods affect me. (Please don't put me in a room with people that have just argued, it makes extremely uncomfortable)
I tend to be very sensitive to pain. (Emotional pain especially)
I find myself needing to withdraw during busy days,into bed or into a darkened room or any place where I can have some privacy and relief from stimulation. (Actually, I have made my home that place I can retreat to. It is very peaceful, when I'm not working on a project.)
I am particularly sensitive to the effects of caffeine. (I would add alcohol as well)
I am easily overwhelmed by things like bright lights, strong smells,coarse fabrics,or sirens close by. (My house is generally on the lower illumination side. I hate ceiling lights, especially without a dimmer).
I have a rich,complex inner life. (I find myself talking to myself, does that count?)
I am made uncomfortable by loud noises. (I do like my music loud though, it tends to drown everything else out).
I am deeply moved by the arts or music. (That would be a understatement)
My nervous system sometimes feels so frazzled that I just have to go offby myself. (and if I'm really frazzled, I am usually off by myself on the pot, stomach problems are always Stage 1)
I am conscientious.
I startle easily. (My husbands favorite attribute!)
I get rattled when I have a lot to do in a short amount of time. (I get the shakes)
When people are uncomfortable in a physical environment I tend to know what needs to be done to make it more comfortable (like changing the lighting or the seating). (This one is really strong for me, I feel their feelings as if they are words being played out before me).
I enjoy writing. (Like blogging perhaps?)
I try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things. (I can almost become OCD at times)
I make a point to avoid violent movies and TV shows. (Scary yes, violent no, especially when it seems too real)
Being very hungry creates a strong reaction in me,disrupting my concentration or mood.
Changes in my life shake me up.
I notice and enjoy delicate or fine scents, tastes, sounds, works of art. (Yep, just check out my credit card! hahaha)
I find it unpleasant to have a lot going on at once.
Very attuned to animals. (Painfully so.)
I make it a high priority to arrange my life to avoid upsetting or overwhelming situations. (I thought this was called avoidance?)
I am bothered by intense stimuli, like loud noises or chaotic scenes. (No wonder I spent so much time alone in my room as a child).
Often found retreating to nature to become renewed. (One of the major reasons I moved to Utah)
When I must compete or be observed while performing a task, I become so nervous or shaky that I do much worse than I would otherwise. ( Forget it. I hate being scrutinized)
When I was a child, my parents or teachers seemed to see me as sensitive or shy. (Where do I begin???)
So I answered yes to most every question (the hungry thing isn't really a button for me). Now I'm left wondering "Does everybody?" Is this one of those quizzes that is meant to label everybody as a Highly Sensitive Person? I can look at these questions and think most everyone probably would agree with many of them.
I guess what makes the HSP different is in the response, and how they recover from specific events. Maybe most people don't like being observed while doing a task, but they do it because they have to and afterwards it is easily forgotten. For the HSP though, they might start worrying about it days or even weeks before, even to the point of making themselves sick over it, and if during the task there is any criticism, it is taken personally and then they dwell on it for sometime after the event has passed.
In order to recover, usually one must tune out, meditate, pray, and find strength to move forward.
7/01/2007
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