Returning to Salt Lake after 15 years, I was often curious if I would run into anyone from my youth. Would I recognize them? Would they recognize me? I guess when you grow up and become an adult, the people you once new as a child stay forever frozen in time as they were the last time you saw them.
Many years ago I attended a High School reunion. Some people were easily recognizable, others had changed so much physically you had no idea who they were, and then there were those people that you recognized, but couldn't recall their name or how you knew them.
After a few hours of conversing with people, one particular individual came up to me and just started talking to me as if we had been best buddies in high school. He was familiar, and I knew that he had been in some of my classes, but for the life of me I could not remember his name (his name tag was hidden underneath the lapel of his jacket). I just stood there listening to him, trying to recall his name, but nothing. Then finally after about 10 minutes of casual chit-chat, he looked at me point blank and said, "you don't remember me, do you?" I was floored. He called me on it! Damn! With up most sincerity I told him that in fact I did remember him, but I couldn't remember his name. Fortunately, he laughed and then showed me his name tag, and after a few minutes of weirdness, we continued on with our conversation as two adults. I found out what a neat person he had become, and I hope afterwards he thought the same of me.
As a young girl, I found it easy to "fit in" to a certain extent. I suppose I was outgoing, adventurous and extremely social. I was also a little bit of a rebel, which in conservative Utah was attractive to some that saw me as an "acceptable" person to have fun with. In the world of cliche's I was in what is known as the so called "popular clique." For some that probably draws up visions of a holier-than-thou group that drove sports cars, treated everyone else in school like a turd on the bottom of their over-priced shoe, and had no individual personality to speak of. I can say that for me this was not the case. I worked hard for everything I had, earning money flipping burgers, doing chores, and mowing lawns. I purchased my uncle's old 1982 Mazda that I saved up for at $65 a month, and I absolutely detested people that treated others poorly just because of some imposed hierarchy.
So yes, I was popular by the people that I had as friends, but I never saw myself as anything more that just an average high school girl who was friends with everybody.
After graduation, I had my own dreams and desires that I wanted to live. I struggled to pursue them and still try today. I did not end up spending my days shopping at the mall, getting my hair and nails done, living in some trailer park, putting on 100 lbs pushing out kids every 9 months, and married to some former high school football star that spends his nights drinking and slapping me around. In fact, I think I live a pretty "average" life, being a pretty "average" person. I am generally happy and only get bruised up by my own clumsiness.
So why am I writing about this you might be thinking? As I have moved home (not in the literal sense), I have passed by the old High School a couple of times, and I found myself curious about those that I once knew. How did everyone turn out? Was high school painful or enjoyable? Do people reflect on this time with fondness or with anger and sadness? I remember that time in my life being very confusing. I struggled to find my own identity, and it was always easy to blame another person, group, or organization for my struggles. I suppose it would be still be easy today to blame that time in my life, of being classified and grouped, as a reason behind uphill battles in my life today, but I know that won't help me become the person I dreamed of being. Occasionally, I do come across people that still harbor resentment for that time in their life. I guess that is where the "revenge" post high school stories come from: The Homecoming Queen ends up with 6 kids from 5 different fathers and on food stamps, the Brain becomes the next multi-billionaire, the Jock ends up in prison for spousal abuse, and the Goth ends up getting a Pulitzer for literature. Are these possibilities? Sure, but they are for everyone no matter the clique you were in back in high school.
Fortunately for most of us, we leave high school behind and occasionally get to reminisce and wax nostalgia. I was grateful to go to my reunion and find that I spent more time getting to know the people that I didn't hang out with in high school, then with those that I did. I loved the fact that I got to spend time with all these amazing people, getting to know them all over again, meeting their families, and having good laughs about the ol' times. One of the great things about leaving high school is that everyone gets a fresh start, a level playing field. We all get to prove ourselves as individuals and then come to accept each other a just plain old people trying to make it in the world. I guess to say it best is to quote a movie that defined my generation...
"Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong. But we think you're crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us... In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain... and an athlete... and a basket case... a princess... and a criminal...
Does that answer your question?... Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club."
I reflect on that quote now as an adult, and I have to say it couldn't be more true.
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