E is for Envy

Do you have a "perfect" friend? You know, the type of friends that appear to have made all the right choices? They have impeccable timing, and seem to always be happy? I once had friends like that. They were one of our "couple" friends. He was one of Larry's Marine friends that eventually became one of my friends. After they married, she became one of my closest friends while I was living in California. When the guys were overseas, we would do everything together. When the guys were stateside, we would still do everything together. We were all great friends. My memories of those times are some that I cherish most. As time passed, I started thinking that they had some magic key to the land of "perfect bliss." It seemed like everything they touched turned to gold. I had continued to think of them that way... until last night.

As I was making dinner, I received a phone call from the husband side of the perfect couple, who told me that the perfect couple was over. She had left him. I was floored. I couldn't believe that they, out of everyone else I have known, were splitting up. My ideal couple was no more.

He was always the good natured "fun" guy that loved to watch old westerns and read books. She was a perfect blonde California girl. Thin as a rail, but ate whatever she wanted. Ya know, the kind you would like to stuff full of brownies just to see if it really was genetic. She was a school teacher, and between the two of them they made a lot of money, especially for being in their mid twenties. In addition, they were the type that didn't spend money flagrantly. They stayed on a budget, and saved and saved and saved. They were the first to actually be able to buy a home, and them being them, bought a nice new home during the mid 90s recession, and now that home is worth 4 or 5 times what they paid for it. Her parents paid off any debts so they could buy their home. A friend of hers gave them nice furniture for the entire house. He always made the "right" choices when it came to his military career. They would take annual vacations to Hawaii where they would always take the perfect photo for their Christmas card. After a few years of marriage, they had a beautiful little girl. Oh, and did I mention that they were madly in love with each other? It didn't seem like life could get anymore wonderful or perfect, at least through my eyes.

I'll admit, I was dark green with envy. I struggled to keep my weight down, watching everything I ate, and exercising everyday. I had college loans and debt. We couldn't afford to buy a house and had to move from rental to rental, eventually ending up in base housing. We struggled to save money. My husband constantly fought with the "game" being played amongst his peers to succeed in the Corps. We ended up leaving California just to get away from all the crap he had to endure in his squadron. A move that ended up killing his career in the Marines.

Over time, our relationship with them became distant. We would get the annual Christmas card and occasional email update. It seemed like everything was was going just as it always had for them, perfectly.
I feel dreadfully sad for them, and especially their little girl (who is five now), but I was more shocked when I realized how much I had spent comparing myself to these other people. Now that the pedestal has crumbled, I feel off balance. How sad that I had handed so much power over to them (not that they asked for it, I just gave it) which only made me feel worse about myself. I spent so much time feeling second rate to them that I could never see how great my own life was, and how great my own marriage was without saying "ya but look at them, they have everything right." It is amazing when you see a sin for what it really is, and for the life it has taken. I know I let my envy of them come between our friendship. I know I let it hold me back. Hell, it may have even cost me some of my marriage. It was so wrong of me to place such insecurities onto them and to burden our friendship with it.

For them, it is truly tragic. I can only imagine how tough it must be, to lose each other for whatever reason. I am still shocked over it. I am hopeful that maybe they might work it out, that there maybe something still left to salvage.
No, they were not perfect. I realize that now. They were just like everyone else in the world. Going through life, making choices, and trying to live by their own set of values. It was my envy of them that was the poison. Our friendship paid the price for my insecurities. Now I can see that. I only wish that I could have seen it before.