A Statistical Anomaly

This morning as I was waiting for my Aunt and Uncle to pick me up for breakfast, I caught a few minutes of a news program that was discussing statistical probabilities of what makes a successful marriage. Apparently divorce rates haven't changed much since 1980, but reasons for why people get married and divorced have changed significantly. As I was listening to the conjecture among the scientists, I came to realize that my marriage must be an anomaly.

First strike against me...married too young. This is one I will agree with. I should have not gotten married while I was so young. Larry and I should have spent more time dating, even if it was long distance. I really did need more time to grow up. I suppose that to people reading this, a statement like that may come across as one of defeat, or that I view my marriage unsuccessful. Actually, I just see it now as a mistake (one among many in my life), and having made peace with it, we have both made our relationship stronger because of it.

No one can really know when they will meet their soul mate. Yes, I do believe that you can meet your mate while young, even really young, but as love is patient, there was no reason to jump in so fast. Of course this perspective is one that I have today, and only wish I had all those years ago. Larry and I both rushed into marriage because we loved each other and wanted to be together, but we were also afraid we might lose each other if we didn't get hitched right away. That was not a good reason to get married, we both will admit to that now. Shoulda's aside, I can look back on the reasons at the time and just accept them for what they were; young, insecure, afraid, and in love.

Next strike was not having my own career and money. Obvious as I was just starting college. I think this clearly relates to the "young " aspect.

One of the most striking statements was that couples that hold hands and show affection for each other in public are most likely to divorce. I find this to be complete BS. I would love to see their statistical data and sample size of this study. It most likely came out of some big mouth that is unhappily wed. I, for one, am extremely affectionate whether we are in public or not. Larry and I always hold hands, always kiss (okay...so there is no tongue action in public), and generally are very affectionate with one another. I think it reveals a level of intimacy between two people that are so focused on each other, they are always "in the moment" together.

I cannot imagine not touching Larry. I would feel distant and detached from him. We have always been a touchy feely couple, and my hope is we always be. Think about it...isn't it always cute to see that little old couple walking along in the park holding hands as if they were still dating and madly in love with each other? I think so. I am a severe romantic. I am in love with love. For me, displaying my love for my husband is as natural as chewing food. Maybe for other folks it isn't something that is natural to them. In any case, I doubt their study included romantic inclinations.

Where did we pass the bar? Waiting to have children. Yes, since we married so young, I couldn't conceive of adding the stress of a child. I believe that had a child been in the scenario, our marriage may not have made it. We both needed time to grow up individually as well as a couple. Our strength is now in each other. We are truly a team and completely support each other whole heartedly. Had we had to focus on raising a child, our relationship would have taken a back seat and could have never been as strong as it is today. Does that mean we don't ever want kids? Not necessarily. Although we are both getting up there in years, we can see the possibility of a child in our future.

Since we have been married for as long as we have, we are also able to see a life that may not include children. It might be our type of marriage, the type of people we are, or our age, but we can see that having children is very much a choice and not a requirement for happiness. There are so many paths one can take in life, and I have begun to see that any of them could be amazing and adventurous. Still, there is that little voice in my head that says I would be a great mom, and my husband, a wonderful loving father. I guess we will have to see.

After listening to these statisticians tell me that for all intents and purposes my marriage should be dead and gone by now, I am left feeling a bit humbled. I guess from the moment we said "I do," the statistics were against us from ever succeeding. Well Babe....I guess we showed them.

Year of the Rat

This is my year, I suppose. I am a Rat (born in 1972). The Year of the Rat is the first year in a 12 year cycle. Most compatible with a Monkey, Dragon, or Ox. My husband is a Sheep, which is apparently neutral with a Rat. My sister, though, is a Monkey. As a Graduate Assistant, I worked for a Professor in the Education Department that was Chinese. She invited me to a traditional Chinese New Year's celebration. The celebration was located in the dark back room of a typical Chinese restaurant. Larry and I were the only non Chinese folk in the room. It was very interesting, and as you might guess, the food is nothing like our American-Chinese food. I sat through a 12 course meal of more entrails than I care to recall. I did, however, come away from the event with a new appreciation for the Chinese New Year and traditions.

I remember the first time I saw the Chinese Zodiac. I was a kid sitting in a Chinese restaurant analyzing the paper placemat before me which was covered with the Chinese Zodiac and Symbols. I quickly looked it over, hoping to be something cool like a Dragon or Tiger, or even a Bunny. I was so disappointed to be a Rat. My first thought was that rolly, polly, Templeton in Charlotte's Web.

Of course, this is for entertainment value only. I don't give a whole lot of credence to the idea of lumping every person born in a particular year as having the same personality. I think that is highly unlikely. Not to mention I know a lot of people born in 1972 and well.....they are just as different from me as someone born in any other year.

But, since I am a naturally inquisitive person, and have a love of the fantastic and ancient philosophies....I have done a little Rat synopsis:


Rats are both charming and aggressive. They appear calm and well balanced on the surface,but underneath, they are restless and a little nervous. Rats are compatible,hard working, and they know how to hang on to a penny. They are never without admirers. They are very appealing.They have a bright and happy personality,and this keeps them busy socially.They love parties and other large gatherings. They like belonging to exclusive clubs and will often have a close circle of fellow conspirators.They like involvement and are very outgoing. Rats cherish friends and loved ones. For this reason,they often get entangled with others' problems and lives.

Rats love money and are quite shrewd where a buck is concerned. It is a hard task to separate Rats from their money. However, Rats can be very generous when their loved ones are concerned. Relatives are always welcome. Rats are definitely clannish and clever. With all these people around, Rats always find tasks for them to earn their keep. People will be put to work quickly in the Rat's house. Rats know how to keep a secret, if it's their own,but they are adept at finding out what others try to keep to themselves, and Rats wouldn't be above using the information if it were to their benefit.

One can always tell when Rats are upset. They become edgy, very nervous, and quite nagging. Rats are always taken by a bargain. They often buy things they don't need and tend to save everything. Souvenirs and sentimental odds and ends are found tucked away everywhere.

Since they make it a point to know everything about everybody, Rats are excellent writers. They have a good memory and are extremely inquisitive. Rats can be successful in almost everything they try to do. They easily adapt themselves to the situation at hand. They are at their best during any crisis and are great problem solvers. Rats are very level headed and are also very alert. Their intuition is strong and are always on the lookout for opportunities to better themselves. Rats seldom get into jams they can't escape since they cover themselves well in advance.They have a built in alarm system.

One of the Rat's biggest fault is that they try to do too much at once. They often scatter their energies and get nothing accomplished. Once they learn to finish what they have started,there is no stopping them from being successful. The Rat must also watch those fast deals and those great bargains. In these areas their judgment may fail them. They must not become too greedy,or they will suffer a financial blow or two.

Rats have great respect for their parents and dote on their own children. They love their home. Family life is very important to them. Rats born during the evening are tempted to a more hectic life than those born during the day.

Rats learn early, quickly, and are avid readers. They know how to express themselves well-both written and orally. Given the slightest chance, Rats can make a success of their lives.

Famous Rats: Charlotte Bronte, Truman Capote, Catherine I, Prince Charles, Peter the Great, Mata Hari, Scarlett Johansson, Wolfgang Mozart, Plato, William Shakespeare, Leo Tolstoy, George Washington

Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in jar by the door...

Who is it for?
I love that line.

I was listening to some other music last night while reading and came up with another mix. This mix is a little of everything, Beatles, Van Morrison to Pearl Jam and the Smashing Pumpkins. I still have more to add to it, but I have no time to give it right now.

I guess this is more representative of the music on my ipod. Although I have a lot of 80s stuff, I don't live there if you know what I mean.

Particular favorites: She Talks to Angels, Into Dust, Black, One, Iris, Sour Girl, Eleanor Rigby, and Brown-Eyed Girl to name a few.

Playing with my new toy

Larry just bought me a new MacBook Pro and am having a blast playing with the new gadgets on this thing. I am sure I could spend hours, days, years working on it and still not know everything that it is capable of. I have been playing with this tool called Photo Booth so here goes....

Come on Vogue!!

Being Bindy is back

By popular demand (i.e. my husband) I have gone back to my other title, Being Bindy. Last night, as I was talking with Larry, he let it be known that he missed my old title because it seemed fit my blog (and my personality) perfectly. To be honest, I just like change, so I changed my title as well as my address. I like The Underbelly because it is a word that describes the soft side of a person or animal, the protected side. I guess that is how I saw my blog. However, I just found out there is some sitcom on T.V called "The Underbelly," so maybe Being Bindy isn't so bad. I do know there is a book out their with the same title, I guess I should read it and see if their way of Being Bindy is my way of Being Bindy. Wow! That's a whole lota Bindy!

The Stats

The dreaded counter. You know those little number counters at the bottom of pages that let the owner of the page know how special they are because people log on to their page? I have flirted with the "counter" here and there, but never for very long. It is just too depressing and restrictive. I am sure I still have some old code floating around somewhere on my blog, but I just don't care to know who comes to visit my blog. In a way, it kind of taints what I have to say. "I can't say that, Larry will think I am crazy." Yes, he does visit occasionally. I would rather not know I have an audience reading the dust in the deep pits of my brain, and remain true to myself, than concern myself with "numbers" and feel like I must "contain" my thoughts. What I write one day may be completely introspective, and then next I am joking about the 80s band Poison. I never know what I am going to say, I just say it.

Recently I have invited more people to my blog because of the Book reading bit. My sister has been visiting for a long time, and is usually the only one that leaves me any love notes, but because I have opened myself up to others, I do suddenly feel a bit exposed. I think that is why the counters do more harm than good on pages such as mine. I can't keep my thoughts confined, they just come out when I write.

So for those of you who know me, or might even be related to me, be prepared for a part of "bindy" you didn't know existed. I could put a warning label across the front, but I don't think it is that bad.
Of course, my first thoughts this morning were, "to thong or not to thong, that is the question." Like I said, I just write what I think. : ) I guess you can look forward to that one!

On the Menu this evening

Well it's official, I have become single again...at least in the ways of food. Tonight as I was scrounging around in the fridge I grabbed a bottle of Garlic stuffed olives, a bottle of calorie free seltzer and a slice of cheesecake. Yep...that would be my dinner. I did take two doses of vitamins today, does that count? Probably not.

WHA-HA-HA-HA

Oh my....I need to dry my eyes. I have been laughing hysterically for the last 30 seconds. Here is why....


HAHAHA!!! I have been looking at "old" rock music, and came across this album cover. Please tell me if I am wrong, but doesn't Poison look like a bunch of hagged out old Drag Queens?! The guy on the lower left is a spitting image of Paris Hilton! HAHAHAHA!!! Lordy...I'm going to wet myself.

I remember listening to them as a kid (this album came out in 1986), and I probably thought they were pretty cool. Good Grief!

My other side

I have started another playlist. Yeah, it has been a cold winter ; ) . This second playlist is what I refer to as my "miniskirt, high heels, rolling around on the hood of a car" music (at least some of it). You could also mix in there "air guitar (or drums...I do both....seriously....I do) with white man's overbite." I can't believe I found "Save your love" and "Like no other night!"

I guess we all have two sides to our personalities, and well......I'm a Gemini, so double that.

What is Happiness?

Last night I was up late talking with Larry about what it means to happy. It became a rather in depth conversation, delving into the spiritual and religious realm. The question stuck with me this morning, so I thought I would write about it.

First, I should say that I think I am a generally happy person, but when I say, "I am happy" it seems to come across somewhat "Stepford-like," as if I have a glazed over look on my face with a painted on smile. That couldn't be further from the truth. I think the word "happy" gets a bad rap because it seems so superficial. I decided to see if there was any quantifiable way to define "happy," and after spending a few minutes searching the web, I realized the term "happy" is not definable. Everyone has a different definition of happiness and what it means to be happy. Most searches also produced a series of "life coaches" or salesmen trying to sale you happiness to fill that big, empty void in one's life. That opened up more doors of thought it my head. If being happy cannot be defined, then any one person conniving enough could tell another person how to be happy for a small fee. There is no scale to determine whether their techniques will work since "happiness" is different for every person. The only person that gains any happiness from this outcome is probably the sales person as they rake in the cash convincing you you are in need of their services. Even then, their happiness is based on superficial conditions (money and probably power).

So what does it mean to me when I say I feel a sense of well being, peace, and yes, happiness? Let me first say that it doesn't mean I don't struggle. I struggle everyday. Sometimes the struggle is unbearable and I become hopeless and lost, but I always find my way out. It is a sense of knowing my life has purpose and being in love with that purpose. The struggle is what makes me happy. Without it I would never have to dig down inside, look for the strength in myself, find the goodness in the world and in people, or need to seek a higher power and understanding of why I am here. The struggle makes for the calm. In fact, I don't think I know anyone that is truly happy/content/at peace that hasn't had to overcome huge obstacles in their life.

Take yesterday for instance: I have chosen to be a running partner with my girlfriend (long distance partner) and I have made the promise to myself that I will do a half marathon with her. Funny thing is I hate running, absolutely hate it, but I have committed myself to doing it, and therefore it makes me "happy." I went to City Creek Canyon while it was snowing and about 23 degrees. I started up the hill, my breath burning my lungs, the cold freezing my eyes and tongue, and the cold wind blowing ice crystals that felt like glass slicing my face. 1 mile into it I wanted to stop and turn around, but I couldn't. I kept going, and each corner I rounded, I anxiously sought out my 2 mile marker. It seemed like forever before that lovely little "2" showed up. I smiled and felt a deep sense of accomplishment. I turned around and went down the hill. 4 miles took me over and hour to do, but I was "happy." I struggled and struggled, and afterwards I was content with my minor accomplishment. My bones and muscles ached, but I slept amazingly.

I am not saying pain equates to happiness. I'm not a masochist. What I am trying to say is that "happiness" is a sense of being, it is a love that is always within you no matter the battles in your life. I know people, even pious people, that equate misery with being a better person, as if life is an endurance test. "If I am unhappy then I must be doing what God wants me to do because happiness is just too human and emotional." I don't understand this type of reasoning. Why would any loving parent want their children to live a life of unhappiness and be miserable? I also have heard views that if I "do" enough than I will be rewarded with God's love and He will make me happy by giving me rewards and promises of prosperity. For me having grown up in house where conditions were placed on love, I would think God would offer us something better in unconditional love, no matter our success and failures. I also wonder within a "be good, get rewards" system of happiness how that translates to folks who do everything just to survive, but conditions that are not within their control (war, famine, disease), make them suffer just to live? Does it also automatically mean they are unhappy and without purpose? Does that mean God does not love them? I guess that would be determined by what type of God you believed in.

I spent a lot of my life wondering why God hated me so much, what was so awful about me to deserve such pain. After all, it was He who put me in a abusive, dysfunctional home, it was He who allowed someone to molest me, it was He who put me in an environment where I was chastised almost daily for not following the flock. It was incredibly painful and has lasting effects. Those wounds will never really go away. But I also see now that those awful experiences made me who I am today. Without them, I would not be here writing these words.

Pain, anger, struggling, sorrow, and suffering are all a part of life. They exists and will always exists, but pain is not a test, it is not a place to dwell within. The pain of life shows us the beauty and love of life. Try to imagine being happy if you never felt the sharp pains of sorrow? It is impossible to do so. They do not exists separately. But it is that sense that "this to shall pass" and that "everything I need is within me" that fills that void within. There is no thing, no person who can tell me what my happiness is, or tell me a set criteria for finding my happiness. It is for me and me alone. It fills me up inside, it helps me get out of bed, it makes me love my life and find joy even in the pain. It is everything I know and everything yet to be revealed to me. It is.....undefinable.

Click to Give

I was on one of my boards this afternoon and someone posted this website. All you have to do is click on the site to give charity to Hunger, Breast Cancer, Literacy, Child Health, Rainforest, and Animal Rescue. 100% of the sponsor(s) money goes to the charities. It is easy and simple, and to quote Martha Stewart....."it's a good thing."
Please click away, and then pass on the info to your friends and family.



Thanks!

Photography 101

Last night I had my first photography class. It was informative, but I was happy that I had a basic understanding about what she was talking about. Some folks looked completely lost. Most everyone in the class had Digital SLR's, but me, old school girl, had an "antique" Nikkon film camera. I bought the camera about 5 years ago in an old second hand camera shop. I have used it some, but have never really known how to use it (the mechanics of it).

The instructor was drooling that someone in the class still appreciated the use of old technology. Within the first 15 minutes I understood more about my camera and about photography than all my previous knowledge combined.
She gave me the name of a guy in town that can help get me more parts and film for my camera. I am getting really excited to get into this and start taking some good old fashioned photos. The first week assignments are not too exciting; just taking a shot over and over while adjusting the apperture. A good photo is all about getting the right lighting. Photography is about light; how much light comes into the picture and how much stays out. It is simple really, but you have to know the basics in order to understand what that means. Now I am finally able to.

Side note - I got rid of my esips music because it was becoming more and more difficult to find mp3's as they changed their audio policy. I found playlist.com and have added a playlist. It is more for me than anyone else. This particular playlist is 80s music, the stuff I love and have many memories listening to. I will update it when I want to add more or take away. You can play each while on my blog or you can launch a stand alone which opens another page and listen that way. Enjoy!

That Thing I Love

Last night I watched Out of Africa again. Probably the tenth time I have seen it. This scene has to be one of my all time favorites. It feels like a dream to me. I don't think I have ever been able to hold back tears when I see this particular scene, especially when they fly over the flamingos. The music is fabulous as well, but I really love the sound of the wind at the end.
I found it on You Tube just so I could see it again. I thought I would post it here so I could see it over and over and over. It is best on a large screen, but sometimes you have to make due with what you have. Enjoy.

I'm at it again....

This couldn't be more perfect. Just so happens to my one of my favorite love stories!

Your Love Life is Like The Princess Bride

"Since the invention of the kiss, there have only been five kisses that were rated the most passionate, the most pure. This one left them all behind. For you, love is like a fairy tale - albeit a fairly twisted one. You believe romance is all about loyalty, fate, and a good bit of goofy fun. Your love style: Idealistic yet quirky Your Hollywood Ending Will Be: Perfectly romantic

What Movie Is Your Love Life Like?

AND.......(sorry it was a slow day)

You Are 25% Left Brained, 75% Right Brained

The left side of your brain controls verbal ability, attention to detail, and reasoning. Left brained people are good at communication and persuading others. If you're left brained, you are likely good at math and logic. Your left brain prefers dogs, reading, and quiet. The right side of your brain is all about creativity and flexibility. Daring and intuitive, right brained people see the world in their unique way. If you're right brained, you likely have a talent for creative writing and art. Your right brain prefers day dreaming, philosophy, and sports.

Are You Right or Left Brained?

A true friend

Over the years I have had friends come and go. Sometimes life just isn't always conducive to maintaining long term relationships especially if life takes you in different directions both physically and emotionally. Some friendships I have tried to hold on to only to find out that the friendship is just a ghostly reminder of a past gone by. Others drift away because we become different people with different ideas about what life should be. Then again there are those rare people in our lives that never seem to leave. Those, I have found, are the ones to hold on to.
This last weekend my girlfriend, Jody, came in for a short visit. I have written about her here in previous posts, but a little refresher wouldn't hurt. I have known Jody since 1992. We have been really good friends since 1995. In Florida, we lived in the same neighborhood for 2 of the years we lived there. Sometimes we go a long time without talking to each other, but somehow (usually because of her) we have kept in touch.
Through the years, she has had many bumps in the road (as have I), and through it all, she has always known she could talk to me, mostly because she knew I would just listen and not judge her. In December, she lost her baby while in her 4th month. It devastated her. I felt helpless to offer her any consolation. She lives in Georgia, and I am here. I felt like I could only try and understand her loss and offer compassion. A few weeks after Christmas, she called me to say she wanted to come visit me. I don't know why, but I somehow felt honored that she would want to come here after everything she had just gone through.

We had a nice relaxing weekend, and until today, the weather was wonderful. We went running up City Creek Canyon, went to the mall and shopped, went out to eat, went to a movie (ya know ...a chick flick), walked in the park, made stew together, drank 3 bottles of wine, and just talked for hours. I think it must have been relaxing for her since her home has a fairly demanding husband and a loud and active 7 year old. I think being here, she was just able to relax and have it be quiet.

What I didn't expect though, was how happy I was to have her around again. We talked about books, our work, our families, our husbands, and of course...sex. I began to realize that I needed her as much as she needed me. I realized that I am lucky because I can see the future and she will always be a part of it in some form or anther. But most importantly, I can see that although I have always told myself I can "do it on my own," that I really do need others. I do need people just to be there for me as much as I am there for them. Having her in my life is a gift and a joy.
As she left, I gave her a hug and told her how great it was to see her. She replied with, "we have to do this more often." I smiled and replied, "count on it."

Not to say this is who I am voting for....but

I thought this was pretty funny.....

Some Humor

I posted this just for Larry. Just in case he might be missing me: )

Rest in Peace

Heath Ledger 1979-2008

Missing Him

This morning I once again dropped off the hubby at the airport after a whirlwind weekend visit home. He arrived Saturday morning and it was one of the best weekends of my life. All we did was enjoy each other, the cold, eating together, fires in the fireplace, hours of movies, and just sleeping in our bed together. We barely left the house except to go look for a snow blower, go to a movie and out to dinner. It was fabulous doing absolutely nothing and just being in the moment. One thing about Larry and I is that above everything else in our life together, we value our time. More than money, more than stuff, more than careers or accomplishment, we always have each other.

Life always throws things at you, gives you challenges, and can even take away everything you ever thought you had, but life can never take away those inside your heart. Love is the only thing worth living for.

On the way home from the airport a song came on the radio which seemed very apropos. I have added it as my music selection.

A little Friday Humor....Enjoy

COLONOSCOPIES


TOO FUNNY - THE LAST ONE IS THE BEST

Colonoscopies are no joke , but these comments during the exam were quite = humorous..... A physician claimed that the following are actual comments made by his = patients (predominately male) while he was performing their colonoscopies:


1. "Take it easy, Doc. You're boldly going where no man has
gone before!

2. "Find Amelia Earhart yet?"

3. "Can you hear me NOW?"

4. "Are we there yet? Are we there yet? Are we there yet?"

5. "You know, in Arkansas , we're now legally married."

6. "Any sign of the trapped miners, Chief?"

7. "You put your left hand in, you take your left hand out..."

8. "Hey! Now I know how a Muppet feels!"

9. "If your hand doesn't fit, you must quit! =

10. "Hey Doc, let me know if you find my dignity." =

11. "You used to be an executive at Enron, didn't you?"

12. "God, now I know why I am not gay."

And the best one of all..

13. "Could you write a note for my wife saying that my head is not up there?"