6/26/2008

Politcal Correctness

I got this forward from my husband and my sister in law. It is pretty funny, so I thought I should share.


Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America,
Kentuckians, Tennesseans and West Virginians will no longer be referred
to as "HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

And furthermore

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT WOMEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. She is not a "BABE" or a "CHICK" - She is a "BREASTED AMERICAN."
2. She is not "EASY" - She is "HORIZONTALLY ACCESSIBLE."
3. She is not a "DUMB BLOND" - She is a "LIGHT-HAIRED DETOUR OFF THE
INFORMATION SUPERHIGHWAY."
4. She has not "BEEN AROUND" - She is a "PREVIOUSLY-ENJOYED
COMPANION."
5 . She does not "NAG" you - She becomes "VERBALLY REPETITIVE."
6. She is not a "TWO-BIT HOOKER" - She is a "LOW COST PROVIDER."

HOW TO SPEAK ABOUT MEN AND BE POLITICALLY CORRECT:
1. He does not have a "BEER GUT" - He has developed a "LIQUID GRAIN
STORAGE FACILITY."
2. He is not a "BAD DANCER" - He is "OVERLY CAUCASIAN."
3. He does not "GET LOST ALL THE TIME" - He "INVESTIGATES ALTERNATIVE
DESTINATIONS."
4. He is not "BALDING" - He is in "FOLLICLE REGRESSION."
5. He does not act like a "TOTAL ASS" - He develops a case of
RECTAL-CRANIAL INVERSION."
6. It's not his "CRACK" you see hanging out of his pants - It's "REAR
CLEAVAGE."

6/23/2008

Quiet Contemplation

This last week I have been more contemplative in my thoughts and actions. I have been questioning how I spend my time, and how I would like to spend my time in the future. I am feeling I am ready for one of those “changes” again, a shedding of the skin so to speak. It could just be the time of year, the summer warmth and late nights, or maybe it is the smells in the summer air reminding me of my youth and that time is fleeting. No matter what is causing it, I do feel a desire to change directions a bit. I’m not talking huge, life changing directions, but smaller, day to day changes.

I am one of those people that reexamines my life and my self rather frequently, and when I no longer feel that I am spending my time wisely, I work about trying to change to become more productive or just more fruitful in my time dedications. Like I said, I have been contemplative lately. I see areas where I have given probably too much of my time lately, and neglected other aspects of my life, other aspects that need to be fed and nourished. These parts currently neglected may produce big, healthy new fruit, or they may produce nothing at all, but I do feel the need to trim the tree. I feel like cutting back limbs that seem to no longer grow or blossom new flowers, so that other limbs can become stronger and healthier. Maybe I have just been spending too much time in my gardens (thus the analogy), taking off the dead in the hope that new growth will prosper.

Being the person one wants can only happen now and not later, not when one thinks a “better” time may exist down the road. There is no better time, no later date, only now. This has been a reoccurring thought in my mind lately. I am not seeking to “achieve” anything, but rather make an action of the day, the moment. I can often get lost in the thoughts of events, actions, and people of the past, as well as prospects for the future; sacrificing today trying to remedy the past and getting stuck in hoping for the future. The past is gone, it has been lived and is over and done with. The future is nothing more than a series of todays, so in essence the future is what you make it by what is done today.

Sometimes things just come up in the most unusual places at the most unusual times, but cannot be ignored. It can be as simple as breathing in the summer air, or going for a walk, but there is that nagging tug inside when you know that something must change. This requires a letting go and an acceptance. I often wonder to myself why I hold on to things (people or events) that have no meaning, no place inside me anymore. Is it comfortable? Does it make life familiar? I suppose in some ways it does, but comfortable familiarity isn’t always healthy. I think this is what I have been reflecting on most lately. It is easier to stay stuck and relive events over and over again. There is a rhythm and a repetition which becomes habitual.

My quest for reasoning is probably of no matter, but rather a desire for an understanding and an acting upon. I suppose this is just another layer of the onion. This may come across as unhappiness or sadness on my part which isn’t the case at all. I am very happy, and maybe that is the reason for the change. Often when I feel most secure, I find myself in an itchy skin. As if I am telling myself it is okay to grow out of one layer and start fresh with a new. It is always unfamiliar and uncomfortable, but that is what growth is. I reflect on when I was a growing teenage girl going through a growth spurt. My bones would literally ache at night. Within a year I had grown 5 inches. I suppose growth in the soul can ache as well. It is never easy, but it is always worth it.

6/20/2008

Java Town


A few days ago I went to my local Smith’s Marketplace (a local version of a Super Target) to do some shopping. Upon entering the same doors I have entered for the last 4 years, I found the place torn apart. Yet another store in Salt Lake getting a face lift. You can’t go anywhere these days without being in the middle of a construction site. As I walked through the glass doors, I found myself staring at a Starbucks store where cash registers once stood. “Goodness....another Starbucks?” I thought to myself.

Here in the land of supposed "no caffeine" are more coffee shops than anywhere else I have lived. Within 5 miles of my house are 8....now 9 Starbucks and countless independent coffee shops. In fact, there are independent coffee shops within feet of Starbucks shops and both seem to survive the competition very well. All you have to do is breathe the air around here to get a caffeine buzz.

It was one of the many unexpected finds in making Salt Lake my home again. A small part of my blog is to attempt to dispel some of the stereotypes often thought about Utah. Obviously some of the ideas about Utah and Utah life stem from some truth, that I will not deny, but there is also a changing face to Utah, and specifically to Salt Lake. It is a welcome change for me and those like me. I do enjoy a hot cup of coffee, a latte, or a cappuccino every so often. As an adult, coffee is an indulgence that I have come to appreciate and relish. The smell of fresh coffee brewing or the roasting of beans is rather heavenly. I enjoy the company of a coffee shop, and the conversation that ensues over a cup of java. Cafes are great places to also snuggle up to a good book or study (which I do more often of these days). Coffee is just as much social event as is it is a drink for me. Larry and I can spend hours in a cafe just sipping our drinks while talking about everything under the sun. I guess one could say it is a medium for great discussions.

It was good news then, when this week I read a study that drinking coffee is not bad for you, in fact it may extend one's life. A study that looked at more than 120,000 individuals for over a 20 year period produced findings that there are no harmful effects of drinking coffee, and in fact in women there are actual benefits to drinking coffee. Drinking 2 to 3 cups a day will actually reduce heart disease by 25%! Good news for those of us that enjoy a little java pick me up.

I guess Salt Lake isn't just embracing a new culture, but embracing being healthier as well. Drink up!!

Some minor redecorating

For my birthday, my mom made me a beautiful quilt. I absolutely loved all the bright colors she put in it. It gave me the motivation to make some changes in my living room. This last week, I decided to paint my living room yet again. It was tough doing it by myself, but I managed to cover up the brown and add some new life to the room in 2 days:






It also gave me an excuse to frame some prints that I had purchased in Australia:





I purchased these as gift cards at the National Library of Australia. They are prints of paintings that were done in the late 1700s by an artist that was a new arrival to New South Wales. My pictures have a lot of reflection in them so it's a bit hard to see, but they are beautiful and add a lot of beauty to the room. I really like how it all turned out, and happily so does Larry.

Another pair bites the dust


I purchased these shorts to go to Australia in March, and well.....I guess that would make them another victim of my changes. Off to the goodwill pile they go! See ya!!!!

6/18/2008

The Greening

As I get older, I find my eyes becoming more hazel, and some days they are very green. I was on the couch and snapped this picture. The green in my eyes really stood out. I think the camera picked up some of the blue in the pillow which made them seem so green, but I thought it was interesting. No, I did not muck with the picture. All the other colors are true (sweatshirt, pillows, couch, hair). The flash did wash me out though. I wonder if this will continue as I get older? Is it normal for eyes to change color with age?


Plantar Fricken Fasciitis

It's baaack!! About 3 weeks ago an old familiar enemy came pounding back into my foot and into my life. One day while running my right foot started aching, like a tooth ache but in your foot. I had to stop and stretch, but the pain didn't go away. I knew what this was having been crippled by it 2 years ago; damn Plantar Fasciitis. Podiatrists call it the "flip flop disease," but I call it a pain in the butt. I have not been stretching enough after running, so the plantar fascia and Achilles are all tightened up and barking at me. I haven't been able to run in 2 weeks and I am going mad. I do my workout dvd's and hike, but usually Mr. Fasciitas Fascist still makes its presence known even by doing simple chores around the house.

I refuse to sit on my butt and do nothing. I think that will only make things worse in the long run. I have to stretch more I realize that. I also know I have severe overpronation in my feet, thanks to 10+ of ballet. The problem I have is the my tendons and muscles are already so stretched out that I have to pull my foot back over my knee to actually get a stretch (a slight exaggeration, but you get the idea).

I have looked at splints they sell for this particular annoyance. It is obviously such a problem that they actually have an entire page in the Sky Mall dedicated to it. Any of you that have flown in a commercial airplane, know what a Sky Mall is. They offer some interesting contraptions:

I find this one to be especially comfy looking. And this is to be worn to bed!


This one looks a bit more doable, and it has an adjustable strap to yank my foot back as far as it will go. I am considering it.


Crap like this just makes me feel old and decrepit. I just want to be free to move the way I want to without pain and aches. I've got to go now, I need to stretch my leg up over my head and around my neck to relieve this pain today. Either that or hope I suffocate on calf muscle.


6/17/2008

A worthwhile history program.....

For the last week, I have been watching the HBO miniseries, John Adams, on DVD. I have to say it is excellent. I am a history geek, and love to read and study history not so much because of the history itself, but because of how it often clarifies things that we as a society and government are dealing with today. We tend to believe that our struggles as a country are new to us, our trials as a free people, but as they say the more things change the more they stay the same. A statement echoed in this program.

John Adams is rather unknown and often overshadowed by the preceding president, George Washington, and Thomas Jefferson who came after Adams's one term presidency. The series starts with Adams representing British soldiers for a crime they did not commit. It continues on through the trials and tribulations of Adams through the American Revolution, the Declaration of Independence, his time as the Minister in England to the King, dealings with the French, his near death in Holland, and his short and turbulent time as President.

As I have been watching this program, I have enjoyed the relationship between he and his wife Abigail, who is his confidant and source of support and strength. Their relationship is the centerpiece of the program. The relationship between Adams and Jefferson was also a major character in the show. They both had deep respect and admiration for the other even though they did not always agree. In fact, Adams and Jefferson both died on the same day (July 4, 1826) which happened to also be the 50th anniversary of the ratification of the Declaration of Independence. Coincidence? Also presented was the imperfect side to Adams and his inabilities as mitigate and work with others. He also struggled as a father, unable to put his family's needs if not above at least equal to his own. He was harsh and had high expectations of his children.

More than anything, this series reminds the audience of what it took to become the free United States that we are today. The sacrifices endured to establish a government and to build a country were so high that I doubt there are many in this country who would endure to do so today. I walk away with a better, more personal understanding of this strange, awkward, and stubborn President. He was human just like you and I, but because of his actions and the sacrifices he made for freedom, he his very much a hero.


The miniseries is 3 discs and 7 episodes long. No sure the rating, but outside of one naked male getting tared and feathered, a female breast in a surgery scene, and the occasional "damn," this program is very PG.

I have added a clip just in case you might be interested.




My Dearest Friend,

…should I draw you the picture of my Heart, it would be what I hope you still would Love; tho it contained nothing new; the early possession you obtained there; and the absolute power you have ever maintained over it; leaves not the smallest space unoccupied. I look back to the early days of our acquaintance; and Friendship, as to the days of Love and Innocence; and with an indescribable pleasure I have seen near a score of years roll over our Heads, with an affection heightened and improved by time -- nor have the dreary years of absence in the smallest degree effaced from my mind the Image of the dear untitled man to whom I gave my Heart...

-Abigail Adams


6/15/2008

The Fountain of Youth

Last night while doing my normal "get ready for bed" routine that I have done for the better part of my life, I veered off my deeply ingrained habit and styled my hair in such a way that immediately knocked at least 10 years off my age if not more. I have found the fountain of youth my female friends:





Now you can have it too! I am making this one time offer to you for only $19.95!! I will send you my "Younger Ponytail" program that WILL take years off your looks. The kit comes with 2 scientifically designed, high quality bands and a guide to perfect placement for the best "younger" look for you. I will also throw in, as a free gift, a food and workout guide. This unique guide has all the secrets to successful eating and working out that 2 4X6 note cards can hold! And it's yours for FREE, a $79 value!!!
If you follow the designed plan perfectly, I guarantee you will look and feel years younger. You will have more energy, more laughter, better self esteem, you will enjoy your friends and family more, love your crappy job, and.........you will actually find that ever so elusive "meaning of life" that you have been seeking! All this for only $19.95 (+ $25 in S&H cough cough). Here's where to order:


Okay....okay.....I am joking if you haven't figured that out yet. Last night I was brushing my hair as normal, and decided to put my hair in pony tails, something I haven't done in years. I found I looked like a high school kid again (with a few crow's feet). I thought it was funny and decided to act on it as the goofy kid that I am (on the inside anyway).

Update 6/16- It just occurred to me this morning while in the shower that the pony tail is just the one out the back, but the two on the sides are called pig tails......I think. I guess that shows how long it has been since said tails were on my head. Insert farm animal here____, followed by "tail." I think those that have done this to their head/hair will understand.-

6/14/2008

A Great Quote

I just read a fabulous quote by the second president of these United States and thought I should share:

"Facts are stubborn things. Whatever our wishes, our inclination, or the dictum's of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence." - John Adams

It's Simple



It was a beautiful day. I packed my backpack with some water and my camera and headed for the hills above the valley. Seven miles later, with an ache in my foot, a soaked through shirt, and a growling tummy, I came to ask myself a strange yet simple question, "How happy am I?" The answer came as a shock: "I think this is the happiest I have ever been."

Here I am alone, living without that man that I love, waking up alone, sleeping alone, eating alone, going to bed alone, and yet I am happier than I have ever been. I don't mean this as a jab to my husband because it is not meant that way. What I do mean is that although alone and not being "productive," not working towards any goal or completing any endeavor, not keeping myself saturated with "busy work," but just wandering up a hill and coming back down again, I find I am content. I no longer need anything or anyone to fill me up, to bring me joy, or to give my life meaning. I just put one foot in front of the other, understanding the adventure is now.

As I wandered my way on my path, my ears filled with the sounds of the creek and the singing birds, my nose filled with the most amazing smells of flowers and grasses, pines and oak. My eyes vision filled with the dance of butterflies and hummingbirds, flies and moths, and birds of every shade of color. My life is full of meaning and wonder, and all without having to do anything or be anyone. I have purpose by just being alive and aware.

I love to watch insects. I think it is because they are always busy surviving, living in the now. As I walked under the canopy of trees, I was hit with a barrage of caterpillars hanging from the trees. I didn't realize it until I found one hanging of the brim of my hat, in front of my eye. Later I found them scooting around on my back and backpack. Pretty sure the dead snake at the bottom is a baby rattler. The markings are rather significant to rattle snakes, and there are a lot of rattlers in this canyon.
















6/13/2008

I absolutely love this song!!

A Unique Father's Day


I read this on Yahoo News and just loved it. This is a pregnant, male, sea dragon in the Georgia Aquarium. The eggs are pretty easy to see at the end of his tail. Aren't these little creatures fascinating? I recently saw a documentary on Sea Horses, which are a cousin to the Sea Dragon. The male and female mate for life, and are just so adorable and delicate. They attach themselves to grasses on the sea floor and float along the currents, back and forth. They are always together, looking out for each other, taking care of each other. In the article they said they didn't know what makes them want to mate, but the documentary shared that they believe it has to do with tides and the moon. Interesting since this mating took place inside an aquarium, one must conclude that there must be something else triggering it. It is a very intricate mating event, but extremely rare to catch. In addition, the documentary explained why there is a decline the Sea Horse population around the world by showing buckets of dead, dried Sea Horses in Asian markets. Once again, over harvesting is to blame. Can we just leave some things alone and not eat it?

One thing I did notice is that the Sea Dragon keeps it eggs on the outside; the Sea Horse male however, actually keeps the eggs on the inside. Amazing! I wish I could go to the Georgia Aquarium and get an up close look at this. Maybe I will try and get out there this summer, but probably not until after the birthing has already taken place. Maybe there will be lots of babies to look at instead!

Happy Father's Day!

6/12/2008

It's true what they say....

Firemen are hot!!!



On the block where I live is a Firehouse. There are times when I walk or drive by I catch the firemen out washing their firetruck. I do sometimes find myself staring; not drooling, just staring. Cute butts abound, as well as rather muscular physiques. They always turn and wave hello to me, and I, like a giddy school girl, wave hello back.
Yesterday while I was at the grocery store, one of the guys (in uniform) was in the condiments isle, and wouldn't you know it, I needed some salad dressing! I have to admit, I looked this guy up and down a couple of times, and WOW, was he ever gorgeous. I smiled as I checked him out, laughing to myself for ogling. Is it the uniform? Is it being in my 30s and finding a new adoration of the male physical form? Or am I just a horn dog? Hummm, probably a little of all three.

This morning I told Larry about it, and he laughed at me. He actually said he was happy that I am a normal, sexual human being. "It's okay to look at the menu, just don't order anything off of it," he said laughing but there was a hint of seriousness in his response. Yes, it is true. I am a normal, sexually healthy young woman, and he is the same as a man. But we didn't used to be so "normal." I remember one incident when we were at a restaurant and a cute young woman was walking back and forth and then sat at the table across from us. I immediately picked up on my husband's uneasiness, as he was feeling somehow guilty for wanting to look at this woman. He started doing the whole looking out the side of his eyes thing that I just find creepy. I finally said to him, "just look already and get it out of your system." He sat there stunned, not knowing what to do. I could read his mind, "really, should I? She said I can, but now I don't know if I want to....naw." And that was the end of that.

I'm not so insecure that I deny my husband what is in his being to be. He is a man, and men look. If he didn't find other woman attractive, I would be worried. I married a man, and I want a man, not a de-sexed version of a man. I also don't want him to feel ashamed for being a man. I guess now the same applies to me as a woman. I will admit I don't normally look at other guys. It has to be extraordinary for me to want to "check out" another man, and this fireman was extraordinary. But I do enjoy the banter with my husband, as well as the total honesty.

Of course, I do occasionally throw in a little something to keep him on his toes. Just a gentle reminder......, "remember that every time you look at another woman, another man is looking at me." OORAH!!! Wait.....I guess the same could be said to me now. Damn!

6/11/2008

Weighing in on the Issue: A Survivor's Story of an Eating Disorder

The last month I have been posting pictures and talking about my weight loss. As I look back on my posts, I realize that these posts may come across as maybe something other than what was intended. Pictures of me in long lost jeans, a new pair of "thin" pants, and pants held up with a belt could make it appear that I am obsessed with my weight and my weight loss. I want to say here and now that I am not obsessed, at least not anymore. In a way, I am trying to share my own story on my blog, but I see that I have jumped to the present with out sharing my story of my past. I realize this is a bit long, but if your interested, it does kind of strip me down to bare bones. I suppose this is a safe place to do that.

First, let me say that until recently, I have HATED my body my entire life. Ever since I became aware of my body as a control device, I have abused it with food, starvation, obsession, excessive exercise, and general loathing. No matter how skinny or how fat I have been, I have absolutely hated my body. It actually makes me sad now to write this, but it is the truth nonetheless.

When I was five years old, I feel madly in love with the art of ballet. It was my everything, and consumed me. All I could ever think about was being a ballet dancer, and truth be told, I was very good. Then puberty hit. Suddenly my body was doing things that I didn't want to happen. Ballet is not for the curvy girl (yes at 5'6'' and 117 lbs I was considered curvy). I learned early how I could easily loose weight by just not eating. This would usually lead to a binge eventually. During my teenage years, my hate of my body grew even more. Not only was I clinging to a dream of being a thin, emaciated ballet dancer, but I was also trying to be an attractive teenager which meant being as thin as possible in my mind. I would throw my lunch in the garbage at school after only having an apple for breakfast. Then I would come home and eat "binge" style foods, and not eat dinner. The constant self punishment going on inside me was torment. I would have to say it was my own personal hell. The cycle was as follows: look in the mirror and find every little inch of excess skin I could, point out all my flaws, get on the scale and determine how much weight I could loose in the next 3 days, start the starvation process, fixate on an exercise routine, loose the weight and for a moment feel like a hero, but feeling empty I would binge to fill in the hole that the hate of myself had dug. Repeat, repeat, repeat.....

I finally decided to walk away from ballet when in preparing for a performance my instructor ordered my costume to be made a size smaller than I was in order to lose more weight. She instructed me to be 110 lbs for the performance. I was 14 years old, and nearly 5'7". 110 lbs was actually considered unhealthy for someone my height, not to mention my level of muscle development and activity, but I was in a corner. I worked out five, yes five times a day doing Jane Fonda videos, going to normal dance classes, running, endless crunches, etc..., I essentially stopped eating as well. I did manage to get into that costume, but fell over at the end of my performance because I was dizzy and weak. This resulted in getting yelled at by my instructor. I couldn't win! I couldn't be thin enough, and in order to get that thin I wouldn't be able to dance. I had had it, and I walked away. Although I finally decided to put my health first by walking away from the abuse I was enduring, the damage had already been done to my soul. I don't think I could possibly put into words the amount of pain I was in, the absolute and total soul starving anguish that I felt inside myself. Unless you have felt such pain, I don't know that you would be able to truly understand it, nor would you want to if you were so lucky to have not experienced it.

The starvation, binging and constant dieting continued on throughout high school and into my adult life. It was a never ending cycle of self abuse and hate, but it was a great control measure which slowly morphed into a comfortable friend. Whenever things got hard, lonely, or painful, I knew there was a nice big bowl of ice cream waiting for me at home, like a good friend. I am almost certain now that this cycle damaged my body and led to my Thyroid problem (with a genetic inclination as well).

About 10 years ago, I started to just give up on myself. Gave up on caring about myself, about who I was and what I wanted. This was not just in the care of my body, but in every way that makes me me. Then I guess I hit rock bottom as they say. I just hit that place where I couldn't go further. The hate had just taken its toll, and I became apathetic. Two years ago (roughly), an event occurred that changed my life entirely. To look at me, you would not see this change, as it is inside of me. I would love to tell you this climatic event occurred and suddenly, overnight I saw the folly of my ways, followed by immediate joyfulness and a success story. That would make for a good Hollywood movie, but as anyone who has climbed a mountain knows it doesn't happen overnight. It takes years of training and then one can take the step up, followed by coming back down. Only then can they say they have climbed the mountain.

The HARDEST thing involved in changing is taking that first, frightening step, and actually wanting to change. Once one makes that step, the tools to change are there. As Glenda says, "you've always had the power my dear, you've had it all along." I knew I didn't want what I had become anymore, I couldn't, I had too much hope inside me to just give up. I chose to change when I couldn't see anything in front of me anymore but fear and sadness. I chose to tap into my power. But I had so many battle scars inside, each centered around a sense of self loathing, that everyday was/is a battle. The self loathing and fear is the Devil inside. I guess the best way one can describe it is that ever so cliche butterfly in a cocoon. The part of the process that I was in was not the cocooning stage, nor the breaking free stage, but the battle and struggle just to begin the breaking out stage. That battle is life or death. That was where I was and it was hard, still is hard sometimes. No, I don't feel I have broken free yet, but do feel I have a tear started.

Losing weight, running for a goal, taking care of myself, and buying new clothes, is all about regaining myself and who I really am, not about vanity or obsession over my weight. I can honestly say I have no idea how much I weigh. I have not weighed myself in over a year. I have done so on purpose because for me a scale has so much baggage. I have let it determine my worth as a person, as a girl, and as a woman. Therefore, unless I am in a doctor's office, you will never see me on a scale again. Now, rather than beat myself up for eating an extra cookie, I go for a walk, a hike, enjoy eating foods that actually nourish me and not for comfort or self abuse. Food, and the desire for food, now comes from a completely different place. It is the strangest thing to actually want to eat vegetables.

One big thing I have learned through this lifelong battle is that making peace with myself is the only way I could begin to learn to be happy. Loving myself enough to forgive myself and others that have hurt me is the only way to actualize the person I really want to be. A hard and painful process for sure, but for me, the only way. I have, for many years, fantasized about the woman I wanted to be. No, my fantasy is not about money, status, power, the right career, a new car, the right size jeans, the white picket fence with 2.3 kids, 1.2 dogs, and 3.7 cats. It has none of those elements because those elements are no longer important to me, nor do they equate to that sense of peace within myself that I seek. My fantasy is about me being completely comfortable inside my skin, in my body, and loving my life completely. It is about being happy just by being myself, and glowing....no radiating that internal joy out to everyone around me. That is my hope for myself, my fantasy, and if it takes the rest of my life, I will get there having climbed my mountain and lived to share my story.


Parents - please watch your children, watch your daughters. See if any of my story seems a little too familiar. Step in and help them now if you have observed any of these behaviors.


6/10/2008

D Day

I have been searching for a bikini for a few months now. I am going to Hawaii in a few weeks, and I really want to feel comfortable wearing a nice bikini on the beach. The problem is that I need support in the upstairs department. I am a 34 D, which does not always make for easy bikini shopping. I have tried Large bikini's only to find the bottoms are too big and the tops still don't hold in all my stuff. Other bikini's for D's seem to be for fake boobs only. They don't offer support because your boobs aren't real, therefore, you don't need anything to hold them up and together.

I went onto a D, DD bikini website only to find most everything was over $100.00!! That is ridiculous. Two lousy pieces of fabric for $149.95?? I don't know if this is a tax on the full figured gal or what, but I just think it's just nuts. On top of that I noticed something severely lacking in their models:

Oh....like say.....BOOBS! Geez, I haven't had boobs this small since the 6th grade!


Then I came across this lovely bikini for a whopping $125.00:

Can you say Redneck Riviera? I have always wanted a bikini with that fresh ripped denim look, haven't you?

I think I may have found one that I like, and it appears the top is size specific, like a bra. I won't say how much I am spending on it because it is sickening, but apparently to find a bikini that will fit me, and that I will wear, I am going to have to shell out some cash.
I only wish I would look that good in it! Not likely, but I think I will get the coverage I want and still be able to wear a bikini. The worst is when it doesn't fit right and you are constantly worried if a little nip action is happening without your knowledge. I want FULL coverage.

Here's to happy sun bathing!! I hope!

A Cleft Baby

As I have written in the past, a child may be in my future in one way or another. I have just come to the realization that Larry and I are meant to be parents. We have been talking more and more about expanding our family and sharing our love with a child. As we talk, we have turned to consider adoption as not just an option, but something we want to do. It's not that we have completely omitted the idea of having a baby made up of our DNA, but that as we get older our idea of what makes a family is more broad.

When I tell people that we are looking at starting a family most are shocked. After all, we are just so old. My favorite is, "do you realize you are going to be in your late 50's before your child graduates from high school?" Ummm, yeah.....and???? Sorry, but I expect to be in my prime in my fifties. I know people in their 30s that act like they are already dead, so age doesn't seem to have much to with it. Of course, these comments usually come from people who started their families young and the idea of having children running around in their 40s and 50s does seem exhausting. I understand that it would considering their point of reference is that they have already been raising kids for many years. It is comparing apples to oranges.

So I have been spending some time perusing the adoption websites (which is overwhelming to say the least) to try and better understand the domestic vs international adoption processes. I was surprised to read that adopting a "cleft baby" (one with a cleft lip and/or palette) is considered a "special needs" baby. As a future speech pathologist, a cleft is a disability I will be working with. The thought began to enter my mind.....I would be a perfect candidate for a cleft baby because of my knowledge and expertise. There are issues with feedings initially, then the surgeries, then the rehab and speech therapy. Children that might otherwise be over looked for their "disability" would be a perfect fit for us.

I asked Larry what he thought of this possibility. I told him that there would most likely be not just one surgery, but probably a number depending on the level of cleft. Would he be able to handle the fact that for the first few months, people would most likely stare and point at our baby?



The first picture is a 3rd degree cleft lip, the second is one month after surgery.

He said he could. It didn't matter to him. He would just want to give a child a chance at a better life and have a loving home to grow up in. My preference would be to have as a young a baby as I could, especially for the first one. It would be my first "mommy" experience, and I would like to start the process of mothering while they are as young as possible. This probably sounds strange to people that have had children of their own; trying to find a child that is young. The reality is there are a lot of unwanted children out there that need homes. That is probably a big factor for me in choosing adoption; giving a child a home that has already been born.

As I visit these websites, it pulls on my heart strings. I can't bring myself to click on the "waiting children" links yet. It just breaks my heart to think of all these kids just waiting for a mommy and daddy.

I would like to think this is a real good possibility for us. I know it will take time to figure out the in's and out's of this whole process. It could be years before we are in a place to be able to actually adopt a child. I like to think that it would be amazing to give a child a home filled with love, two parents that would love them unconditionally, and a chance for a life they might have never had if it weren't for the ability to adopt. I am full of hope.

6/09/2008

A Great Presentation

This is a video put together by a 15 year old girl. It shows more honesty and is more honorable than anything you will find in the news.

New Pants


When Larry was home, we went shopping for some new clothes for me. I bought these pants a size smaller than what I used to consider my normal, and well...they look pretty good. Nice for summer! I probably wouldn't have bought anything new, but Larry picked stuff out and wanted to splurge. I think I got pretty lucky in the "marriage" department. Sorry the picture is only of my center, but that is as far as I could stretch out the camera away from me.

Wedding Insanity

We left Saturday for my nephew's wedding in Pasadena. Larry got into Salt Lake Thursday morning, and the original plan had us leaving Friday to Ontario to visit with his parents. After a bit of rest, Larry decided to rest some more and leave on Saturday instead, but flying into LAX. We knew it would be cutting it close with the wedding at five. Our plane was due to leave at 1:50, but was delayed 15 minutes, so that only added to the stress. We also had a celebrity on board, little David Archuleta from American Idol fame. I ran into him outside the airport bathrooms (he was going in his, I was going out mine), and I said "Congratulations" to him. He was sweet and said "Oh...Thanks." So there is my little celebrity news. Now I'm special.

We landed in LAX and got our car. We only had a hour and half to get to the hotel, change, and be at the wedding. Panic started setting in. I had written out pretty good directions from the hotel website, but when we talked to the girl at the car rental place, she told us we were going out of our way and to take anther other freeway instead. Since she was a local, we thought she knew better than us. Well, we got halfway to our destination and hit total gridlock. Frustrated, we got off and turned around going with the original directions I had written down. That error took another 20 minutes of time we didn't have. We finally made it to the hotel at 4:40. We checked in, ran upstairs and and changed our clothes. We drove over the the Arboretum only to find we had to take a shuttle to the wedding location. It was now 5:00. We finally got to the site, and fortunately had not missed the wedding. It hadn't even started yet. We met up with family, hugging and kissing people we hadn't seen in years.

The wedding was, of course, short and sweet. My sweet little nephew was choked up and started to cry. It was so cute. His bride, on the other hand, was a cold as ice. I haven't exactly warmed up to her yet. She is what I would call extremely guarded. I don't think she smiled once, but from what I understand she is a nice girl, but just not real warm at first. Everyone says she is just very shy, but I am shy and I can at least make eye contact with people, shake their hand, and say "nice to meet you." She comes across as being "put out" by having to talk with you. Larry and I are just holding on to the fact that we know Josh, and he must see something in her that we can't.









My nephew and his now bride, have been together for about 5 years, the have lived together for at least 3 of that, no...probably 4 years. They just bought a house together last year, so for me, I found all the expense for a "wedding" to be a bit excessive. Of course, my idea of the perfect wedding being who I am today, is me and my husband, a few friends and family, a tropical island beach, and simple vow exchange. That would be followed by an all night party, a little skinny dipping, and sex all night until we collapse (TMI??). All this pomp and expense is just too over the top, especially for two people who have already made a commitment to each other and have for many years. This is just my opinion of course. Everyone has their own ideas of what a wedding is, and what it means to them. I guess for me, being married for 17 years, the wedding just isn't as important as the relationship, so my value isn't in the dress, the flowers, the pictures, etc..., but more on just the statement of commitment and love.

After the wedding the family took a few photos, then Larry, Terry, and I took a walk over to the "Fantasy Island" house. I guess you would have to be in your 30's or older to know this T.V. show, but apparently this is where they filmed the scene when all the guests showed up to meet Richardo.

See the little bell tower on top? Say it.....you know you want to....."La Plane, La Plane!"

We made our way back to the hotel where we were not only staying, but where the reception was being held. It was an open bar, which normally is not something I would really take advantage of, but after the day we had had, I just wanted to sit back and have a cool drink (of course I paid for it later, at around 4:00 in the morning). I started with a Margarita, then went to a Cosmopolitan, then to wine. We had dinner, followed up with all the normal wedding activities (money dance, speeches, etc...) I spent some time visiting with my father-in-law, whom I haven't seen in a year.



I also got caught up with my other nephews, one is going into the Air Force, the other is trying to figure out how to tell is parents he IS going to college back East next year, and the third is just being a goofy, normal 13 year old.








The rest of the evening was just more partying and celebrating. Larry and I spent most of the evening on the dance floor. My nephews were so impressed with how we "owned" the dance floor. I guess we don't care how old we are, we just have fun, and as Larry says, "I'm just trying to keep up with her." Later, I got "felt up" by one of the bridesmaids. Yeah.....don't ask. Let's just say someone had been hitting the flask a bit hard, and she didn't remember it the next morning. All I know is that I was dancing and suddenly felt a hand go up my skirt. Hello!!! Later, Josh and I were joking with each other when he found out our room was right next to his room. "Now if you hear a lot of pounding on the wall tonight don't worry about it," he jokingly said. "Oh okay Josh, now is that warning for me or for you?" I replied. He turned bright red, and laughed. No, I expect I am not a typical "Auntie." I think the kids like it though.
Around midnight, the last song played, and we headed up to our room where we both passed out. It had been a crazy day.

The next morning, I paid the price for my over indulgence of the drink. I was exhausted and so hung over it wasn't funny. We had been invited to a Mexican breakfast the following morning, and the smell of meat, peppers and onions first thing in the morning was almost enough to send me over the edge....again. Afterwards, we headed back to LAX where Larry had his flight back to Honolulu, and me back to Salt Lake. We were both fortunate that we each got business class. My flight left first, so Larry waited with me and when it came time for me to board, we kissed and said Good Bye. Larry was almost in tears, which made it hard for me to look at him. 12 more weeks.....

After being in that cesspool called LA, it was wonderful to come home to clear blue skies, green mountains, and a sweet pine smell in the air. The temperature was about 65, cool and breezy. I drove home, put on my PJ's, rolled myself up in a blanket, took a deep breath, and fell asleep in about 10 minutes. What a day!





6/06/2008

It's garden time again.....

Gather around...

Here is me playing with a snail on the edge of my wheel barrel (I actually caught myself saying wheel barrow yesterday......and I'm going to be a speech therapist!!)








More blooms from the Iris plants




Surprising scientific finding; a plant can give birth to a mammal. Amazing!

6/05/2008

I need to get nailed...

Catchy title, don't you think? Actually it isn't what you think it is. I am going to a wedding this weekend and thought I would attempt to look like I don't constantly have my hands in either the dirt, paint, or urethane. A stretch I know, but I thought I would paint my fingernails.

First of all, I cannot paint my nails myself to save my life. Add to that my nails are maintained to the level of a construction worker. Add to that again, that unless I am sleeping, I can't sit still for more than ten minutes without getting my hands into something. I really should just have a manicure done, and save myself the headache.

I thought I would share the results. It looks like a 7 year old did them.


Now I have to go buy some polish remover and try again. Will someone just come sit on me for about 20 minutes, so they can actually dry!

Pardon, are those your panties I see?

My husband sent me an email yesterday with some interesting attachments. Apparently these skirts are all the rage in Japan. Mind you, these "pantie lines" are air brushed onto skirts. Just think everyone gets to have the butt of their choice without plastic surgery, endless squats, or the female favorite....cellulite!






6/04/2008

A good old fashioned Utah style lynching

I sometimes read the newspaper online just to keep myself apprised of the happenings in this state I call home. One of my favorite columnist is Robert Kirby. He shares great stories and has an amazing wit; calling it as he sees it. I love that kind of honesty (hummm, I wonder why? ;) ).
In a suburban town in Salt Lake County, a firestorm of allegations went out of control when a middle school teacher produced a pamphlet regarding sex for a sex ed class she was teaching.

The parents got wind of the "sex manual" had forced the Principal to "investigate" the teacher. This, of course, before they actually even viewed said "orgy manual." Kirby decided to investigate the whole debacle, and the results are in typical Kirby fashion, letting the idiots involved dig their own holes.

Here is the link.

6/03/2008

The Joy and Pain of Weight Loss

As I wrote a few posts back, I am having a more challenging time with some of my clothes. Today I put on some slacks I bought back in March and this is what happened:

Given it feels great have to hold up my pants with a belt, but I am becoming aware that I am going to have to replace my pants soon. Another size, and a belt just won't do the job. Although I like clothes, I hate shopping (mostly likely from years of not fitting into clothes I thought I should be able to wear). The idea of replacing my comfortably over sized clothes starts to produce a slight panic attack in me. Sounds strange I know, but that is where I am psychologically speaking.




I took this at the same time and thought she is just too damn cute not to share.

Crafts

I found this website and laughed my butt off. Gives me some great craft ideas for future holidays! The New Year's Eve ball is quite spectacular.

6/02/2008

Viva La Vida

Great new song by Coldplay. I love the lyrics and use of strings. Fabulous song!

Feeling disillusioned

This afternoon while I was running around doing countless errands, I found myself behind a 1970s van. In the back window was a "Fear God" sticker in big black words. Down on the lower right side was a Jesus fish symbol. I found myself confused by this. I suppose I have been on this "Jesus" thing too much lately, but I am confounded as to how these two statements go together. While I was looking at the back of this van, attempting to understand this person's premise I heard an ad for breast augmentation on the radio. I believe the ad went as follows:

Woman "I just love my new breasts, how they look and make me feel."
Husband "I couldn't believe that this was my wife. She just looks so spectacular now."

Can I just say something here......THEY ARE BOOBS!!! Not the cure for cancer, not a Nobel prize, not even a nice pair of shoes, which by the way, are much sexier than two over sized melons bouncing out of your shirt. Sorry, but I don't think that if she looked bad before, having DD's is going to make her look "spectacular." I wonder how many starving children in Africa, or those surviving the earthquake in China could have been fed for the price of two big ol' plastic boobs? GRRRRR......

I came home and plopped down onto the couch and decided to read some other "disillusioned" folk. I came across this on Postsecret:


No matter how disillusioned I may feel sometimes, I have no comprehension of what it is like to be there, be in that place. I am safe at home, shopping, driving my car, running my errands, watching my T.V., taking to my husband and emailing my family, hearing children play outside, running on clean, safe streets, showering in warm water, drinking cold water, and I don't have to carry a gun with me wherever I go. No, I may not understand everyone and why people do what they do, but I don't have to live were he is. I wish he didn't either, but it does keep things in perspective, doesn't it?