A Cleft Baby

As I have written in the past, a child may be in my future in one way or another. I have just come to the realization that Larry and I are meant to be parents. We have been talking more and more about expanding our family and sharing our love with a child. As we talk, we have turned to consider adoption as not just an option, but something we want to do. It's not that we have completely omitted the idea of having a baby made up of our DNA, but that as we get older our idea of what makes a family is more broad.

When I tell people that we are looking at starting a family most are shocked. After all, we are just so old. My favorite is, "do you realize you are going to be in your late 50's before your child graduates from high school?" Ummm, yeah.....and???? Sorry, but I expect to be in my prime in my fifties. I know people in their 30s that act like they are already dead, so age doesn't seem to have much to with it. Of course, these comments usually come from people who started their families young and the idea of having children running around in their 40s and 50s does seem exhausting. I understand that it would considering their point of reference is that they have already been raising kids for many years. It is comparing apples to oranges.

So I have been spending some time perusing the adoption websites (which is overwhelming to say the least) to try and better understand the domestic vs international adoption processes. I was surprised to read that adopting a "cleft baby" (one with a cleft lip and/or palette) is considered a "special needs" baby. As a future speech pathologist, a cleft is a disability I will be working with. The thought began to enter my mind.....I would be a perfect candidate for a cleft baby because of my knowledge and expertise. There are issues with feedings initially, then the surgeries, then the rehab and speech therapy. Children that might otherwise be over looked for their "disability" would be a perfect fit for us.

I asked Larry what he thought of this possibility. I told him that there would most likely be not just one surgery, but probably a number depending on the level of cleft. Would he be able to handle the fact that for the first few months, people would most likely stare and point at our baby?

The first picture is a 3rd degree cleft lip, the second is one month after surgery.

He said he could. It didn't matter to him. He would just want to give a child a chance at a better life and have a loving home to grow up in. My preference would be to have as a young a baby as I could, especially for the first one. It would be my first "mommy" experience, and I would like to start the process of mothering while they are as young as possible. This probably sounds strange to people that have had children of their own; trying to find a child that is young. The reality is there are a lot of unwanted children out there that need homes. That is probably a big factor for me in choosing adoption; giving a child a home that has already been born.

As I visit these websites, it pulls on my heart strings. I can't bring myself to click on the "waiting children" links yet. It just breaks my heart to think of all these kids just waiting for a mommy and daddy.

I would like to think this is a real good possibility for us. I know it will take time to figure out the in's and out's of this whole process. It could be years before we are in a place to be able to actually adopt a child. I like to think that it would be amazing to give a child a home filled with love, two parents that would love them unconditionally, and a chance for a life they might have never had if it weren't for the ability to adopt. I am full of hope.