A Question for the Ages

Can a man and a woman just be friends? This is a question that has circled in and out of my life on more than one occasion. I have drifted in and out of friendship with boys, guys, and men. They have all ended for one reason or another. The most common reason being that I find out their intentions were not to "just be friends."
I usually find myself in these predicaments not because I look for them, but because I seem to find I get along better with men, and enjoy their conversation. I am not saying that I don't enjoy my girlfriends, but most of the time when I meet men, they usually discuss issues that I have more interest in. Women can be hard on one another, very judgmental, and gossipy. Men just tend to be more "in your face" and less "in your back."

Last night this question popped up again. Jed, my male friend whom I met through my husband, called me yesterday to see if I wanted to head up to the mountains. I was fairly bored and didn't have much going on, so I jumped at the opportunity to go see some beauty and for some good conversation. Later on, we decided to grab some dinner at a local Barbecue joint. He also found out what was wrong with the truck (I didn't have the wires hooked up properly) and charged the battery for me. Afterwards, I invited him in, put a fire in the fireplace, and we talked until 1 o'clock in the morning.

I have zero "other than friendship" feelings for him. Not to mention I am married and am still in love with my husband after 17 years together. However, that didn't stop the question from coming up, "can a man and women just be friends?" Earlier in the evening, Jed had shared with me a story about a woman he recently met at the gym. She was beautiful and friendly. He immediately started with the chit chat, and apparently she seemed interested in conversation. He was thrown when she kept bringing up her husband this and her husband that. He noted the lack of a wedding ring and figured she was separated or divorced. As he started to leave, his perception was that she seemed to want more from him. After he told me this story, I said matter-of-fact, "well how do you know she just wasn't looking for a friend? I hate to say it, but I don't wear my wedding ring all that much, I am friendly and flirty with people. I laugh and joke. Doing so doesn't mean I am looking to get laid. Sometimes it just means a woman is being friendly. I have been known to met men here and there and converse with them. I will usually bring up my husband in conversation and that is usually when I find out what his interest is in. Unfortunately, it usually ends up with a 'see ya'. " I told him this and suggested maybe she does the same. Maybe she was just testing the waters to see if he was "friend" material. He told me that was just naive. If a guy sticks around after the mention of "the husband" that doesn't mean he is interested in a just a friendship and nothing more.

His response shocked me as I was sitting in the seat next to him in his car after just sharing a meal with him. I immediately asked, "so does this mean you don't believe a man and woman can just be friends?" He suddenly realized what his statement had meant. "Well... sure they can. I have lots of female friends." But for me, the change had already happened. I suddenly felt as if I had to be on my guard, that maybe his intentions were not what I had thought they were. I still don't believe that he would ever come on to me as he knows that would end in a complete disaster. But now there are questions. Are the desires there? Does he not see me as just a friend? I no longer am certain I can answer these questions the same way I might have prior to this conversation.

I do enjoy his friendship as we have a lot in common. I talk to him as a friend, just as I do to my girlfriends. Is it naive of me to believe that the sexual aspect between a man and a woman could be eliminated for the sake of a good friendship? I have to believe it is possible. Maybe just the knowledge of unavailability puts the monster to sleep and allows the friendship to become more important than any other action between two people of the opposite sex.

I guess that is just the way I think. Call me naive or stupid, but I have to believe that people, no matter the sexual nature of the human being, can be more than just male and female. They can actually be really good friends.