I live on a fairly traditional street, in a fairly traditional city, in a very traditional state. When I say "traditional" I mean that the husbands do the men's work and the wives do the women's work as traditionally done since the dawn of the suburbs or maybe it's the Victorian era, which ever. I, on the other hand, do not have the fortune of living a traditional role. No, I do not get to sit inside sipping hot cider while watching my husband shovel 12 inches of snow. I do not get to watch him wheel out the garbage to the curb every Monday night while I do the dishes. I do not get to watch him rake the piles of leaves every October, all while I dust and vacuum. No, this would be a luxury for me as I get to do both jobs, male and female, wife's and husband's.
I am the only women I know that can tell you where all the repair manuals are located for the major appliances, or how to wire a light switch. Last year for my birthday in addition to backpacking equipment my husband bought me a cordless drill. Yes, I do know how to use it, and actually I use it rather often. Most of the time I find joy in not having limits to what I can do and what I can learn. Being self sufficient is a big plus. I will say that in comparison to most of my MALE neighbors, I am very handy and will take on most any task or project if I find I am interested in doing so, or if it is needed.
Today, though, I would have thoroughly enjoyed being traditional. A few days ago, I drove Larry's truck because I needed the 4-wheel drive. It was snowing and the roads were a mess. When I came home I pulled into the garage, turned everything off, and parked. The next morning I got into the truck to move it, but unfortunately when I turned over the ignition, I found the truck to be dead. This posed a problem because I really needed to move the truck so I could access the attic space above to get out ornaments. I retrieved my battery charger (I say "my charger" because I bought it when my car battery died on me when I left the lights on), cleaned off the posts, and set about charging the battery. Try as I might, the battery wouldn't charge because the battery is DEAD. I decided I would try to go about removing the battery from the truck and take it to the auto parts store to have it tested, but quickly found out that the damn thing must weigh about 60 lbs! I quickly changed my mind. I'm strong, but not that strong, not from that angle. Then I had the thought that I didn't want to think, "I could really use a man right now." Gasp!
After I put my tools away, I decided to embark on some outdoor illumination. I had purchased some grapevine creatures (angel and deer) and wanted to put them up in the yard. I should have seen what was coming when the 5 foot tall Angel was in a 3'x2' box. What a fricken nightmare! Here it is about 25 degrees outside, and I am out piecing together a jig saw of parts with instructions that say, "suggest put right arm in first, do other after." What the...? I got so frustrated at one point I almost starting tossing limbs, but couldn't because everything is connected by a damn electric cord. Later, I emailed my husband with my frustration. Here is an excerpt:
I set up the %#&DAMNSONOFB$&%*'N yard ornaments up outside. Those F*$&'N things were a pain in the ass! They are up an plugged in, now lets see if they actually come on or if they just fall over when I fart!
Love you
ME
Finally after TWO hours and freezing my ass off, I finally put the final touches on the deer and plugged everything in. Just as I plugged them in to test the lights my neighbor across the street came home. We had small talk which was followed by her saying she needed to get on her husband to get the lights on the house! Oh how nice it must be to be able to nag to your husband into getting it done.
After all was said and done, I cleaned up my mess and came back inside to warm up. After my blood had warmed to human temperatures again, I went out front to get the mail. As I shuffled through the letters and junk, I peered over at my lawn ornaments to make sure they were still upright. Sure enough I found my deer over on its side. And no, just in case your wondering, I didn't fart.
Days like this are common for me, and as much as I might complain, I do enjoy the satisfaction of doing it myself. But if I had the choice, I would have my husband home in a heartbeat. Not so I could nag at him to get it done, or to have someone else to do this work for me, but just to have someone to warm my hands up when they get cold, or to laugh with when frustration sets in and things start flying. Those are the roles of life that I miss on days like to day.
*This song is just one of the greatest ever. Its alright if you start to shimmy in your seat, or do a little of the white man's over bite. That's right, go ahead, no one is watching.*
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