Gemini vs. Scorpio

Yesterday my husband joked about his every so strong and sensible Scorpio sign and me the crazy Gemini. It comes across as sarcasm, but in reality it is in jest; we play with each other. It is the "spice" in our relationship and I love it. The whole Scorpio vs Gemini thing is just for fun. Most horoscopes say we are too different to make a very good relationship, but I believe there is much more to a relationship than a birth date. That being said, I did like this little romantic compatibility horoscope. Is it truth? Is it fact? No....just fun and oddly accurate.

Scorpio and Gemini

When Gemini and Scorpio come together in a love affair, they'll need to learn to understand and accept one another's differences -- and if they can, they will be a nearly unbreakable couple. Where Gemini is adaptable, intellectual, outgoing and chatty, Scorpio tends to be secretive, focused, intense and determined. Gemini tends to take things lightly, including their lover; Scorpio, on the other hand, has a very deep need for emotional connection and intimacy. Scorpio is generally very loyal to their lover and very connected to the relationship.

This relationship tends to be highly passionate and can often be characterized by arguments; Gemini loves a good debate, considering it the epitome of mental stimulation, and that characteristic Gemini flirtatiousness tends to grate on Scorpio's jealous, possessive nerves. Despite these differences, however, this is no dull relationship. Both Signs love to take chances and spice it up! They have lots of adventures together, but if things get too tense and arguments start to turn negative, they must make the effort to reconcile if they value the relationship and want it to last.

Gemini is ruled by the Planet Mercury (Communication) and Scorpio is dually ruled by the Planets Mars (Passion) and Pluto (Power). Scorpio is generally quite concerned with sexual and emotional intimacy; they need much reassurance that their lover values the relationship as much as they do. Thank goodness, then, for Gemini's excellent communicative abilities; the Twins should have no trouble communicating their dedication to the Scorpion -- if it's dedication they feel. Gemini can't and won't fake a commitment they don't feel, so intense Scorpio must learn to back off a bit. Gemini will certainly make a commitment to a love relationship, but only if they're free to do so on their own, not coerced into it.

Gemini is an Air Sign and Scorpio is a Water Sign. These two elements can be a great combination; after all, the best decisions are made when they incorporate the intellect (Air) and the emotions (Water) -- the mind and the heart. The trick, of course, is getting these two elements to work in tandem. Scorpio is a master strategist; if there's a decision to be made or a project at hand, they can help flighty Gemini focus on the best options. Gemini, in turn, teaches Scorpio to let go and move on when their efforts are thwarted. There is a downside to these two elements' union, however; Scorpio's emotional manipulations can prove to dampen Gemini's natural energy and enthusiasm. Also, airy Gemini can leave Scorpio's deep waters feeling choppy, rough and disturbed.

Gemini is a Mutable Sign and Scorpio is a Fixed Sign. Gemini tends to do things on a whim, just for the experience, contrary to Scorpio, who almost always has a plan (or an ulterior motive) in mind. Scorpio can use their focus and determination to help teach Gemini the value in finishing things before jumping headlong into the next experience. Once these two begin to understand that they can enjoy a satisfying relationship -- Gemini providing the reasoning and brain power and Scorpio bringing their healthy dollop of sex appeal, emotionalism and passion -- they can enjoy a truly mutually satisfying relationship.

An even better analysis is here. It is rather lengthy, but again...oddly accurate.

Call'n me on it

My lovely husband read my post yesterday. He was so moved by what I had to say, he left this little comment:
I like what you are saying. Though I got lost in the second paragraph with your uses of Fact, meaning, meaningless, and truth.

Yeah, like I would even try to live in your head one day... This scorpio knows better.... Let me go find a rock to sit on and watch the gemini go around and around and around:)

HAHAHA!!
My response:
Ouch! Well I am so sorry you can't keep up. The scorpio might have a sting, but he is so sssllloooowwww. Keep up, read between the lines. Think beyond the words. Goodness do I have to spell it out for ya?

It's called internal dialogue. The dual gemini often has conversations with itself. What? Shhhh. What did you say? Yes he is so, ya know...

Sorry that was my other self telling me you are boring me! :)

Now I must go skip off into the sunset.... lalalala

Okay, so I get it....not everything that comes into my mind is publishable. I was trying to express a moment of awakening, of growth as a person, but apparently SOME people just can't get it. As I read over what I wrote, sure it is a bit unruly, but I could understand it. Apparently SOME just aren't as witty as they think they are.
I called my husband at work and gave him crap for his response. He has no problem telling me how he sees it. Something I appreciate after the sting wears off. He reiterated again that no, he would never want to live inside my head. It would be tantamount to trying to survive in the middle of a hurricane. Wait..isn't that the part that is quiet? Oh, there I go again. You get the idea.
Yes my marriage is kind of unique I think. He tells my I'm nuts (but in a sweet way) and I tell him that he doesn't know what he talking about (he usually doesn't ;) ). Then we cuddle up every year on our anniversary and watch "So I Married an Axe Murderer."

Gratitude

To thine own self be true.

And it must follow as the night the day,

thou canst not then be false to any man.

~Shakespeare

What is the opposite of fear? Happiness, joy, love? What is it to be fear-less? I believe it is Gratitude. That overwhelming sense that everything, every person, every experience in your life is a gift. I recently encountered this meaning, this knowledge of Gratitude in my life when I told Fear to take a hike. It is a path that I have found to be so revealing, so honest. It feels like someone took a knife and cut me open, freeing me, and underneath was an emotional depth that I didn't know existed before. I stopped comparing myself to others, to what I thought I "should" be. I forgave the past and stopped concerning myself with the future. I am so unhappy when I think about the future. That probably sounds strange, I know. When I obsess about the future, I feel like I am peddling up a hill with no end in sight. I realized that the only thing the future needs is for me to live today, me here living in the now. The only way I knew to do that was to be grateful for the day, grateful for my health, for my body, for my mind, for my time, and my gifts.

I am not a religious person, and I don't think you need to be in order to understand the meaning of gratitude for your life. I do, however, believe that the Christian story of God sacrificing his only begotten son so that we may have eternal life rests entirely on the concept of gratitude. Whether or not the story of Jesus is literal fact is meaningless to me, because what I understand in the story is that the gift is in the sacrifice made, a sacrifice given to show us the meaning of gratitude. I say this knowing that I love facts, I love digging through the superfluous crap and finding the "truth," finding the facts. And I suppose I have contradicted myself by not needing to believe in the literal story of Jesus, as written in the Bible, to understand the meaning. The meaning doesn't rest in facts, and not only that, but the meaning might be different for each person. Yeah, try living in my brain for a day : ).

Back to gratitude....Today, I am grateful for my questioning mind (see above). Without it, I would never dig to learn more. I am grateful for my vulnerability and uncertainty. I am grateful that I will never know all the answers because it is that lack of certainty that makes my life an adventure. I am grateful that the only thing I am certain of is that my love will live on after I have perished, and that true wealth lies in the gratitude for my life.

A Rainy Afternoon

Yesterday was gloomy and rainy. Definitely a day to stay in and veg. I decided to conquer a task that has been bugging me for some time now. In a box under my desk are piles of photos, some going back close to 10 years. I am usually a very organized person, but for some reason I haven't been too good about putting these pictures into albums. I think it is because I stopped taking print photos and turned to digital downloads, so these pictures got a little left behind. Anyway, I thought it was a good time to tackle this beast. No, I don't scrapbook. I tried it once and me being bindy, got real bored about halfway through. It just took too much time and I really just like the pictures. I don't really care about cute little stickers and outlines, etc... (sorry ness...my sister scrapbooks). The only thing that I did like was that you could write info about the picture (places, events, etc...), but that is about it.

So....back on topic, I was going through piles, and I mean PILES, of pictures and ran across some old pictures my mom had given me from my childhood. I scanned them into the computer and filed them. The funny thing is that looking at myself all those years ago, I remember being me, being that kid. To be honest, I am still that goofy little girl. I am just in a grown up body now. Okay, so I don't normally need a port-a-potty to use on the side of the road these days. Notice I said normally : ).






I include the picture below just because I like it. I remember this day so vividly. We were just outside Munich, Germany. The weather was suppose to be cool and rainy and instead it was hot and muggy. I remember being really hot and cranky. Suddenly, we came across this wall full of Lilac blooms that smelled like heaven. I just wanted to wrap myself in all the flowers. I can't remember why I am wearing my glasses that day, probably just tired eyes. Anyway, I just like this picture of myself.

The Lonely Shoppers Club

After my journey home yesterday, I came back to reality finding myself hopelessly unprepared for an exam I had to take today. I spent the afternoon studying and around 6 left to take the test. Afterwards, with the sounds of the bomb hitting Hiroshima echoing through my mind, I decided I needed to put some food in the house and pick up something for dinner. I stopped off at my local grocery store assuming that Gramps and I would be the only people in a grocery store on a Friday night at 7:30. Thankfully, the place was jammin'. Surprisingly many college students were stocking up on frozen pizzas and Hungry Man dinners. I wandered around aimlessly, desperate for anything to sound tempting for dinner. Sushi is usually my solace, but no....even that didn't agree with me. I looked over at a young girl, at least I think she was younger than me, wearing baggy old sweats with her hair tied up as if she had just rolled out of bed. She just stood there staring at the containers. She must have had a lot on her mind because as she stared at the plastic boxes of orange fish and rice rolls, she had a slight catatonic look on her face. I smiled at her and moved on.

I found myself intrigued by the fancy juice section. You know...the juices with interesting names and strange fruit you have never heard of before? Well, I was looking at all the pretty colors (that's how they get you to spend $4.00 for 80z) and found a Brazilian named juice with Acacia Berry, Pomegranate, and to top it all off...Cacao. Oh, that sounded just too good. I splurged and bought one. Still, I knew that wouldn't be enough for dinner. I picked up a few apples and remembered I was out of Bird Seed. I sought out my bird seed and ran into another college age couple (or roommates) that seemed to be preparing for a toilet paper shortage. Either that or they were trying to recreate their middle school years by toilet papering some one's house.
Still in search of dinner, I went to the frozen foods section. I wandered up and down the isle looking for something to tempt me, but then I noticed my reflection in the glass. My pants that I had just purchased in December are now at least one size too big and their bagginess was rather obvious. I felt kind of good about it, but then I realized that I was standing in the grocery store staring at myself in a glass door. I looked around and sure enough a strange looking dude was looking right at me. Damn! I turned red, smiled and quickly left the isle. Maxi Pads to the rescue! I think that isle has a deflection shield for anything with a penis.

I was about to give up and go home to another can of soup when I came across a pasta skillet meal that looked really good. Plus it was on sale! So there you have it....apples, juice, bird seed, pasta meal, maxi pads, I picked up some soy milk and some Slim fast bars. $48.92! Holy bleep! 50 bucks for two bags of stuff?!

I made my way back out the car feeling a bit depressed that I was alone and a member of the Lonely Shoppers Club once again. Not only does it suck, but it is way too expensive!

Leaving the Island

The dreaded day has arrived when I must head back to the hive. My island stay has come and gone much too quickly. I leave with a big smile, blonder hair, and skin that has been loved by the sun. I love coming to the island because no matter what is going on in my life, the minute I step off the plane and breath in the subtle smells of mold and warm air, I feel nothing except that which is in the now. My life becomes the moment in which I am living. Maybe it is just being so removed from the other 48 states, maybe just being in a place where there is nothing but deep blue water from every point you look out from. Who knows? All I know is that I love it here, and yes...I could move here. I could live in a little tropical hut, spending my days surfing and hanging on the beach, eating poki (raw tuna, ginger, spices) and drinking cold beer. Yes, I know I would need to work, but they pay SLP's about a 100K a year, so I think I would be okay.

When my husband took the orders here they warned him to be careful. "The island can take you in," one of his co-workers said. One of the guys Larry knows came here for the same 6 months of orders that Larry is on......16 years ago! Larry has already extended until September and they have asked him for more.

It isn't perfect here. Just like any urban area in America, O'ahu has its flaws, some more striking than others. There are a lot of people living on the island, most of whom are fairly poor, especially the Hawaiian people. There is a lot of crime and vandalism, and there isn't much of an economic base except to tourism and the military. The west side beaches are covered in squatter huts, where the homeless have set up permanent tent homes on the pubic beaches. So far the government here has taken no action to remove them, even though it is illegal. It is also a major health and environmental hazard to have them living there. Yes, I can't help but think about social issues, even while in paradise. But still, even with the imperfections, it is still such a beautiful and mystical place. I love the Mauna (mountains). They are spectacular from every angle.

I love how everyone is making their pilgrimage to see the whales this time of year. It is a family event to sit for hours and stare at the water in the hope of seeing a fin or fluke, maybe a splash or two. I also love how every night as the sun begins to descend below the horizon, all eyes are on the setting sun. It is as if we all still believed in the "Sun God" and are paying our last respects as he leaves us for the night.

Yesterday, I realized how much I enjoyed this Hawaiian living when I was driving along and decided it was nice enough to put the top down. I pulled over into a parking lot, put the top down, put my sunglasses on and a baseball hat. Just as I was getting back on the road, Bob Marley came on the radio with "Stir it up." I had to crank it up, of course. Amazingly, no one around me thought that was weird. That song is pretty much the beat of life around here. It just fits. In Utah, people would look at me like I was the Antichrist, expecting me to be puffing away on a big doobie and saying "duuuuude" every other word.

A little trivia: the "Shaka" symbol that many of us learned as "Hang Loose" by the surfing crowd was actually started by a sugarcane worker that had his three middle fingers cut off in some machinery. As he would walk around town, he would wave "hello" by using that hand, which only had the thumb and pinky fingers. That is how the "Shaka" symbol all began. It is a very common way to say "hello" and "take care."


Aloha

Well...I did it

I finally put my house up for sitting. Yes...I placed an ad on a house sitting site for my time away this summer. I am stressed to the max about this whole thing. I so want to move to Hawaii even if it is only for the summer, but it is so hard trying to get all the ducks in a row to make the transition possible. I thought about asking family or friends, but then that old "don't do business with family or friends " thought came into my mind. I thought I should follow my gut on that one, so I put an ad on a website for house sitting services. My husband was a little leery about the whole thing, but as he isn't responsible for the house at the moment, I felt I could figure it out for myself. The house itself isn't the real issue, but finding someone who wants to live in hot and arid climates in the summer, wants to do yard work, can take care of a cat, will take care of my house, etc... is a lot to ask. Of course, they get to live in a nice, furnished house, for no cost. Sounds like a good deal to me.

I posted the ad on Friday and already have 6 offers. I am very surprised. I am leaning toward the "retired writers looking to live in a new place." They love animals which is a big plus, and have green thumbs, also a big plus. It is a very different approach for me. I'm not really good at trusting people, let alone people I have never met. I feel like a Nazi on my ad, "no smoking, no animals, no party people, no kids, must have references and back ground check." Geez....I sound so mean, but what can you do? It's my home after all.

Aloha All

Yesterday we drove North to North Shore. Our intention was to hike, but we never made it to the hills because our butts felt compelled to sit on the beach. About a mile off shore we could see the flukes and fins of the Humpbacks that are here around the islands for the winter. They were so active we could see them leaping into the air from the beach. There must have been 5 active pods within our viewing area. I took lots of pictures....of course (sorry, didn't have a big lens for any whale pictures).

His Place

I love that when I arrived he had lit the scented candle I had bought last time I was visiting, so the room smelled clean and fresh. I love the fact that he potted three house plants so his place could feel more like "home." I love that in the freezer there was not one, but three packages of Skinny Cows ice cream sandwiches (I love them). I love the fact that he felt he needed to make excuses for why the bed wasn't made by the time I arrived (the sheets were still drying). I love that he went out and bought new sheets for the bed because the leopard print sheets that came with the place were just too "macho" for him. I love that he saved me some of his dinner in the microwave knowing I wouldn't arrive until 10p.m.. I love that when I reached into the drawer to get my pajamas, he had placed a new "Valentines" set in the drawer for me to wear. I love this place and I love him in this place. Although I am not always here, it is quite obvious that the thought of me is.

The Alchemist

"But, unfortunately, very few follow the path laid out for them - the path to their Personal Legends, and to happiness. Most people see the world as a threatening place, and, because they do, the world turns out, indeed, to be a threatening place." -The Alchemist

I woke up today to a beautiful, refreshing morning and thoughts of my "Personal Legend" came into my my head. Then I realized that I had not reviewed The Alchemist like I had said I would.

When I first picked this book, I had done so based on a review I had read about it. I knew it was full of mysticism and metaphorical language. It was definitely that, and much more. The story, as it goes along, is a metaphor for life. What is the purpose of Life? Who is God? Why are we here? What is the truth of my existence? You know, those simple questions that have easy answers. The story does not give an "answer" to those questions, but develops the questions in your mind so you are compelled to seek the answers for yourself.

I got about halfway through the book and realized that there were so many good thoughts and sentiments, I felt I should mark the pages that I thought offered some real insight. I did so by turning the corner of the upper edge of the page. Now the book has doubled in thickness because just about every page has a bent over corner.

The story is about a young shepherd boy in Andalusia (Spain). He meets a King one day who tells the boy he must seek out and find his treasure in the land of the pyramids. The young boy has never even heard of the pyramids, but in the desire to find his treasure and his Personal Legend, he is compelled to leave the life of a shepherd behind and seek out his destiny. The story takes him on many adventures, and through each event he adds to his knowledge, adds to the Soul of the World, meets the love of his life, meets an Alchemist, and finally finds his treasure. I don't want to say too much just in case someone might feel compelled to read this book. It is a simple read, but it is within the simple words, that you come away with so much more on a personal level. It is as if each sentence has another sentence that can't be seen with the eyes. "Read between the lines" would be appropriate.

Okay....I will add a bit here from the book (if I can manage to narrow it down without completely writing the whole book).....

This particular part of the book is when Santiago (the boy) is in the Oasis of the desert and has come across a beautiful woman at a watering well:
" At that moment, it seemed to him that time stood still, and the Soul of the World surged within him. When he looked into her dark eyes, and saw that her lips were poised between a laugh and silence, he learned the most important part of the language that all the world spoke - the language that everyone on earth was capable of understanding in their heart. It was love. Something older than humanity, more ancient than the desert. Something that exerted the same force whenever two pairs of eyes met, as had theirs here at the well.....
.....It was the pure Language of the World. It required no explanation, just as the universe needs none as it travels through endless time. What the boy felt at that moment was that he was in the presence of the only woman in his life, and that, with no need for words, she recognized the same thing. He was more certain of it than anything in the world. He had been told by his parents and grandparents that he must fall in love and really know a person before becoming committed. But maybe people who felt that way had never learned the universal language. Because, when you know that language, it's easy to understand that someone in the world awaits you, whether it's in the middle of the desert or in some great city. And when two such people encounter each other, and their eyes meet, the past and the future become unimportant. There is only that moment, and the incredible certainty that everything under the sun has been written by one hand only. It is the hand that evokes love, and creates a twin soul for every person in the world. Without such love, one's dreams would have no meaning."

That was a bit more than I expected to write, but it is a thought that one cannot interrupt in the middle and find it to be an acceptable end. This part of the book really moved me, putting a spark inside of me. I reflect on it often. This also gives you a good idea of how Coelho writes. I guess I could be safe in saying that Coelho, at least in The Alchemist, writes from his soul and not from his head.

In the back of the book, there is a list of questions for reflection. I guess unless you have read the book, the question and the answer would make no sense, but I thought I would pick one anyway:

When he talked about the pilgrimage to Mecca, the crystal merchant argued that having a dream is more important than fulfilling it, which is what Santiago was trying to do. Do you agree with Santiago's rationale or the crystal merchants?
In this conversation, the crystal merchant is talking to the boy about living a good Muslim life. The Prophet gave them 5 obligations to do in one's life to live a good life; believe in the only one true God, pray five times a day, fast during Ramadan, be charitable to the poor, and to make the pilgrimage to Mecca. The merchant talks about how as a boy all he wanted was to save up enough money so he could make this pilgrimage. As the man became older, he became wealthier, but could never bring himself the leave the store which brought him that wealth. Santiago asks him why doesn't he go now that he has the wealth to leave. The merchant replies that it is the dream of going to Mecca that keeps him going. He fears that if he goes, than there will be no reason to get up every morning. It is the dream that keeps him living his mundane and uninspired life. The boy, on the other hand, feels that he must live his dream, he must find his treasure.
For me, I have to agree with Santiago. I understand the merchants reasoning, however, I believe dreams are the guide to finding our purpose, our Personal Legend. And as we find out in the book, it isn't the "finish line" of the dream, but rather the path to getting there that is important. Living your life waiting on a dream doesn't seem like much of a life to me. Maybe going to Mecca, or even just trying to get to Mecca, more doors might have been opened; doors that he never knew existed. He might have chosen to sell his business and set out to a new world with new dreams and adventures. Or maybe kept the business, but having lived the dream, he would be able to see things with a different perspective, making him a different kind of businessman.
By not living his dream, he has limited himself and settled for the life that he actually has contempt for. The life, the store, the day to day becomes a shackle, holding him back from realizing the life intended for him. Ultimately, I believe it is his fear that holds him back, he cannot see beyond the dream, and fears what would become of his life after living out his dream. For now, he is content, and it is this contentedness that keeps him still. I think it is that fear that everyone can relate to in some form or another. And it is most likely a fear that we regret while on our death bed. That is why I hope to be more Santiago than crystal merchant.

Well wuddya know....

The same grumpy old kook from my previous post managed a little foot in mouth yesterday. Why am I not surprised? I always find it interesting when people speak whatever comes to mind without any filtering process. It is so revealing about what is in the forefront of their mind. Of course, everyone is bending over backwards to make excuses for his comments. I don't know....the guy seems to to have contempt for just about everyone. Maybe one of these days, his constituents will finally see him for the idiot he is and not reelect him.


State Sen. Buttars' perceived racial slur brings rebuke and apology

Article Last Updated: 02/13/2008 06:32:32 AM MST

A West Jordan senator shocked his colleagues and later apologized for comparing a bill he opposed to a black baby, calling it "a dark, ugly thing."
Republican Sen. Chris Buttars' comment came during a debate on SB48, aimed at equalizing school construction funds. Sen. Howard Stephenson, R-Draper, called it "the ugly baby bill," but, as Buttars stood to vote, went further. "This baby is black. It's a dark, ugly thing," he said.
Sen. Ross Romero, D-Salt Lake City, said he perceived the statement as offensive and took the issue to Senate leaders. "I felt it needed to be addressed and needed to be addressed promptly," he said.
Sen. John Valentine, R-Orem, said he was surprised by the comment.
"I didn't see it coming," he said. "I didn't take it as a racist remark, but the more I thought about it, the more I thought it was inappropriate and a breach of decorum."
Buttars agreed and felt bad about it and asked for a chance to apologize, Valentine said. After senators returned from a 10-minute break, Valentine noted the "breach in decorum," and gave Buttars the floor.
"I made a comment that I think a lot of people could take racist. I certainly did not mean that in any way but it was wrong and certainly could easily have been taken that way," Buttars said. "I apologize to anyone who took offense. . . . I ask for your forgiveness."
Romero said there was talk off the floor of censuring Buttars, and he appreciated the apology, but "I have no idea how it would be interpreted not to be offensive."
Word of Buttars' gaffe spread quickly around the Capitol, leaving members from both parties shaking their heads in disbelief. Leaders of Utah's black community also were shocked.
"I am appalled that he would utter such words in the capacity as senator and representing the people of Utah," said Jeanetta Williams, president of the Salt Lake branch of the NAACP.
Sen. Bill Hickman, R-St. George, said he is confident that Buttars, who left the Capitol quickly after the Senate adjourned, didn't mean his comment to be offensive.
"He felt bad that he had said it," Hickman said.
gehrke@lsltrib.com

A Picture Speaks a Thousand Words

Take a look at this photo. Look at the elder man as he "listens" to the young man next to him. What does his face say to you? Outside of looking severely constipated, he appears to be on the verge of sprouting horns. You can just see the hate brewing inside of him.

"What is going on here?" you might be thinking. My city, Salt Lake City, just approved a domestic registry for folks working for the city. This domestic registry allows two people to register for health benefits even though they are not lawfully wed. This can be two adults, an adult and child that are not related by marriage or blood, a child taking care of a parent, etc... It offers a lot of good for folks that cannot currently be covered by another's insurance because they aren't legally bound together. And, yes, this bill allows two consenting adults that may or may not be in a same sex relationship, to be listed as a "domestic partners" in order to get health coverage.

With out missing a beat, the self proclaimed "moral" voice of Utah began its symphonic rendition of "man beating chest." Such statements as "it is vile," "repugnant," and "those aren't my beliefs," are made by the Representatives of the population of this great state. Please explain to me how allowing individuals to get the health care they need is objectional? This actually reduces the money the state pays for the uninsured, by allowing people that cannot get insurance to be covered by private insurance. Isn't that what Conservatism is all about? Less government? Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot....I am in Utah. Conservatism is only a veil that is used so the majority can enact their philosophies on the minority. Invoking morality is far more important than saving a buck, but only if it is their kind of morality. Anybody else's morality will cost the state too much.

As a person that likes to dig beneath the surface, I have to wonder what are the motivations of these elitist, moral types that are hell bent on making their ideas the only acceptable ideas? I am a believer that when looking at any issue, if one can dig down to find the motivations of those involved, one can find the real issue at hand.

What is the motivation?
In this issue, you have one side (the side of the city and its residents) that want to enact a provision that will offer a health care partnership, no matter the legal relationship. The other side (the government officials of the state) have stated they will stop this bill from being passed because it goes against the marriage amendment. Last I checked, the city wasn't registering people for marriage. Gay relationships would be the least of their concerns in that case. Incestual marriage by a child taking care of a parent just to get health care? Wow, that would be interesting. Oh, but those folks (the non gay folks) have been brushed aside in this argument. This is a GAY issue. No....this is a morality issue. This is an argument that is motivated by a bunch of "high on themselves" types that love invoking Godly power over the heathen masses.

If you really think about it, why do some people feel the need to control others? If what a person does in the privacy of their own home is protected under the Constitution, then why are there so many zealot types trying to find a way to insert their control into everyone's life? My personal opinion in this particular case is that these people control what is around them so they don't have to look inside to find what it is they truly believe in. That Shakespearian saying..."thou doth protest too much, methinks" really does apply in behaviors and actions such as these.

In this State, everything political is either "you are with us or against us," there is no middle ground. Most everything is also a religious issue, and repeat after me...."you are with us or against us." The persecution complex is more of a mindset here than a psychological event. But that is a topic for another day.

Look at the representative in this picture (the older man). Just look at his face. There is no compassion there, there is no respect for the life beside him. He, as part of the moral majority, finds this individual to be an abomination. He has cast his judgement without even knowing the individual speaking. Either that, or he just ate a Brussel Sprout (that is probably what my face looks like after eating one). This Representative has a bone to pick with anyone that doesn't agree with his idea of how one chooses to live their life. Why would that be? I have to wonder. What does he get from taking this position? Of course, I can't get the answer from him, but from what I have gathered, he is afraid that this bill will bring forth a scourge of gay sex on the streets of downtown and destroy the bedrock foundation of marital bliss as made by one man and one woman. Sound ridiculous? I think so. Actually, I think most rational people would think such an idea is ridiculous and undeserving.

There we have it then, this isn't rational thinking, this is emotional thinking. This particular individual and those that agree with his perspective are acting out on a personal feeling or emotion and not one of rational governance. The look on his face says it all....he HATES this guy. The emotion within him has bubbled to the surface and the truth has been revealed. This is not a a rational government issue, this is his morality/beliefs determining what is right and wrong for ALL the people no matter the differing philosophies of how one can live in pursuit of their happiness.

I guess if you have lived in Utah for very long, this discussion offers no new revelation. This is the ugly side of living in such a beautiful place. Issues like this one are common and produce a great amount of hostility among the people, from both sides. It is sometimes enough to make you pack your bags and head to quieter waters, but then the thought comes into my head, "Does such a place exist?" Is there a place where people just love and accept one another? Where people can believe what they want to believe.....for themselves and not anyone else? A place where we respect the differences in people and their ideas. Where we no longer see people as polarizing labels (gay, liberal, conservative, anti-Mormon, tree-hugger...). I suppose such a place lives only in my dreams. A dream where the motivation is simply to live in peace and quiet.

Mr. Sunshine

Finally, the weather has warmed and the Sun has come out from behind the clouds making a splendid appearance. Yesterday I went to City Creek again. A case of Spring Fever appeared to be an affliction to many. Runners, joggers, walkers, bikers and dog'rs caused traffic jams up and down the canyon.
I took my point and shoot camera with me so that I could capture the blue sky and beautiful crisp white snow. Every so often as I would round a corner that put me closer to the creek, I could smell the fresh water. It had that fresh, dusty smell of new run off water. It smelled like Spring.



Unfortunately my photography class was canceled last week, so I am back to learning on my own. I did order two basic photography books. Hopefully I can teach myself until I get the opportunity to take a class again.

A Statistical Anomaly

This morning as I was waiting for my Aunt and Uncle to pick me up for breakfast, I caught a few minutes of a news program that was discussing statistical probabilities of what makes a successful marriage. Apparently divorce rates haven't changed much since 1980, but reasons for why people get married and divorced have changed significantly. As I was listening to the conjecture among the scientists, I came to realize that my marriage must be an anomaly.

First strike against me...married too young. This is one I will agree with. I should have not gotten married while I was so young. Larry and I should have spent more time dating, even if it was long distance. I really did need more time to grow up. I suppose that to people reading this, a statement like that may come across as one of defeat, or that I view my marriage unsuccessful. Actually, I just see it now as a mistake (one among many in my life), and having made peace with it, we have both made our relationship stronger because of it.

No one can really know when they will meet their soul mate. Yes, I do believe that you can meet your mate while young, even really young, but as love is patient, there was no reason to jump in so fast. Of course this perspective is one that I have today, and only wish I had all those years ago. Larry and I both rushed into marriage because we loved each other and wanted to be together, but we were also afraid we might lose each other if we didn't get hitched right away. That was not a good reason to get married, we both will admit to that now. Shoulda's aside, I can look back on the reasons at the time and just accept them for what they were; young, insecure, afraid, and in love.

Next strike was not having my own career and money. Obvious as I was just starting college. I think this clearly relates to the "young " aspect.

One of the most striking statements was that couples that hold hands and show affection for each other in public are most likely to divorce. I find this to be complete BS. I would love to see their statistical data and sample size of this study. It most likely came out of some big mouth that is unhappily wed. I, for one, am extremely affectionate whether we are in public or not. Larry and I always hold hands, always kiss (okay...so there is no tongue action in public), and generally are very affectionate with one another. I think it reveals a level of intimacy between two people that are so focused on each other, they are always "in the moment" together.

I cannot imagine not touching Larry. I would feel distant and detached from him. We have always been a touchy feely couple, and my hope is we always be. Think about it...isn't it always cute to see that little old couple walking along in the park holding hands as if they were still dating and madly in love with each other? I think so. I am a severe romantic. I am in love with love. For me, displaying my love for my husband is as natural as chewing food. Maybe for other folks it isn't something that is natural to them. In any case, I doubt their study included romantic inclinations.

Where did we pass the bar? Waiting to have children. Yes, since we married so young, I couldn't conceive of adding the stress of a child. I believe that had a child been in the scenario, our marriage may not have made it. We both needed time to grow up individually as well as a couple. Our strength is now in each other. We are truly a team and completely support each other whole heartedly. Had we had to focus on raising a child, our relationship would have taken a back seat and could have never been as strong as it is today. Does that mean we don't ever want kids? Not necessarily. Although we are both getting up there in years, we can see the possibility of a child in our future.

Since we have been married for as long as we have, we are also able to see a life that may not include children. It might be our type of marriage, the type of people we are, or our age, but we can see that having children is very much a choice and not a requirement for happiness. There are so many paths one can take in life, and I have begun to see that any of them could be amazing and adventurous. Still, there is that little voice in my head that says I would be a great mom, and my husband, a wonderful loving father. I guess we will have to see.

After listening to these statisticians tell me that for all intents and purposes my marriage should be dead and gone by now, I am left feeling a bit humbled. I guess from the moment we said "I do," the statistics were against us from ever succeeding. Well Babe....I guess we showed them.

Year of the Rat

This is my year, I suppose. I am a Rat (born in 1972). The Year of the Rat is the first year in a 12 year cycle. Most compatible with a Monkey, Dragon, or Ox. My husband is a Sheep, which is apparently neutral with a Rat. My sister, though, is a Monkey. As a Graduate Assistant, I worked for a Professor in the Education Department that was Chinese. She invited me to a traditional Chinese New Year's celebration. The celebration was located in the dark back room of a typical Chinese restaurant. Larry and I were the only non Chinese folk in the room. It was very interesting, and as you might guess, the food is nothing like our American-Chinese food. I sat through a 12 course meal of more entrails than I care to recall. I did, however, come away from the event with a new appreciation for the Chinese New Year and traditions.

I remember the first time I saw the Chinese Zodiac. I was a kid sitting in a Chinese restaurant analyzing the paper placemat before me which was covered with the Chinese Zodiac and Symbols. I quickly looked it over, hoping to be something cool like a Dragon or Tiger, or even a Bunny. I was so disappointed to be a Rat. My first thought was that rolly, polly, Templeton in Charlotte's Web.

Of course, this is for entertainment value only. I don't give a whole lot of credence to the idea of lumping every person born in a particular year as having the same personality. I think that is highly unlikely. Not to mention I know a lot of people born in 1972 and well.....they are just as different from me as someone born in any other year.

But, since I am a naturally inquisitive person, and have a love of the fantastic and ancient philosophies....I have done a little Rat synopsis:


Rats are both charming and aggressive. They appear calm and well balanced on the surface,but underneath, they are restless and a little nervous. Rats are compatible,hard working, and they know how to hang on to a penny. They are never without admirers. They are very appealing.They have a bright and happy personality,and this keeps them busy socially.They love parties and other large gatherings. They like belonging to exclusive clubs and will often have a close circle of fellow conspirators.They like involvement and are very outgoing. Rats cherish friends and loved ones. For this reason,they often get entangled with others' problems and lives.

Rats love money and are quite shrewd where a buck is concerned. It is a hard task to separate Rats from their money. However, Rats can be very generous when their loved ones are concerned. Relatives are always welcome. Rats are definitely clannish and clever. With all these people around, Rats always find tasks for them to earn their keep. People will be put to work quickly in the Rat's house. Rats know how to keep a secret, if it's their own,but they are adept at finding out what others try to keep to themselves, and Rats wouldn't be above using the information if it were to their benefit.

One can always tell when Rats are upset. They become edgy, very nervous, and quite nagging. Rats are always taken by a bargain. They often buy things they don't need and tend to save everything. Souvenirs and sentimental odds and ends are found tucked away everywhere.

Since they make it a point to know everything about everybody, Rats are excellent writers. They have a good memory and are extremely inquisitive. Rats can be successful in almost everything they try to do. They easily adapt themselves to the situation at hand. They are at their best during any crisis and are great problem solvers. Rats are very level headed and are also very alert. Their intuition is strong and are always on the lookout for opportunities to better themselves. Rats seldom get into jams they can't escape since they cover themselves well in advance.They have a built in alarm system.

One of the Rat's biggest fault is that they try to do too much at once. They often scatter their energies and get nothing accomplished. Once they learn to finish what they have started,there is no stopping them from being successful. The Rat must also watch those fast deals and those great bargains. In these areas their judgment may fail them. They must not become too greedy,or they will suffer a financial blow or two.

Rats have great respect for their parents and dote on their own children. They love their home. Family life is very important to them. Rats born during the evening are tempted to a more hectic life than those born during the day.

Rats learn early, quickly, and are avid readers. They know how to express themselves well-both written and orally. Given the slightest chance, Rats can make a success of their lives.

Famous Rats: Charlotte Bronte, Truman Capote, Catherine I, Prince Charles, Peter the Great, Mata Hari, Scarlett Johansson, Wolfgang Mozart, Plato, William Shakespeare, Leo Tolstoy, George Washington

Waits at the window, wearing the face that she keeps in jar by the door...

Who is it for?
I love that line.

I was listening to some other music last night while reading and came up with another mix. This mix is a little of everything, Beatles, Van Morrison to Pearl Jam and the Smashing Pumpkins. I still have more to add to it, but I have no time to give it right now.

I guess this is more representative of the music on my ipod. Although I have a lot of 80s stuff, I don't live there if you know what I mean.

Particular favorites: She Talks to Angels, Into Dust, Black, One, Iris, Sour Girl, Eleanor Rigby, and Brown-Eyed Girl to name a few.

Playing with my new toy

Larry just bought me a new MacBook Pro and am having a blast playing with the new gadgets on this thing. I am sure I could spend hours, days, years working on it and still not know everything that it is capable of. I have been playing with this tool called Photo Booth so here goes....

Come on Vogue!!

Being Bindy is back

By popular demand (i.e. my husband) I have gone back to my other title, Being Bindy. Last night, as I was talking with Larry, he let it be known that he missed my old title because it seemed fit my blog (and my personality) perfectly. To be honest, I just like change, so I changed my title as well as my address. I like The Underbelly because it is a word that describes the soft side of a person or animal, the protected side. I guess that is how I saw my blog. However, I just found out there is some sitcom on T.V called "The Underbelly," so maybe Being Bindy isn't so bad. I do know there is a book out their with the same title, I guess I should read it and see if their way of Being Bindy is my way of Being Bindy. Wow! That's a whole lota Bindy!

The Stats

The dreaded counter. You know those little number counters at the bottom of pages that let the owner of the page know how special they are because people log on to their page? I have flirted with the "counter" here and there, but never for very long. It is just too depressing and restrictive. I am sure I still have some old code floating around somewhere on my blog, but I just don't care to know who comes to visit my blog. In a way, it kind of taints what I have to say. "I can't say that, Larry will think I am crazy." Yes, he does visit occasionally. I would rather not know I have an audience reading the dust in the deep pits of my brain, and remain true to myself, than concern myself with "numbers" and feel like I must "contain" my thoughts. What I write one day may be completely introspective, and then next I am joking about the 80s band Poison. I never know what I am going to say, I just say it.

Recently I have invited more people to my blog because of the Book reading bit. My sister has been visiting for a long time, and is usually the only one that leaves me any love notes, but because I have opened myself up to others, I do suddenly feel a bit exposed. I think that is why the counters do more harm than good on pages such as mine. I can't keep my thoughts confined, they just come out when I write.

So for those of you who know me, or might even be related to me, be prepared for a part of "bindy" you didn't know existed. I could put a warning label across the front, but I don't think it is that bad.
Of course, my first thoughts this morning were, "to thong or not to thong, that is the question." Like I said, I just write what I think. : ) I guess you can look forward to that one!

On the Menu this evening

Well it's official, I have become single again...at least in the ways of food. Tonight as I was scrounging around in the fridge I grabbed a bottle of Garlic stuffed olives, a bottle of calorie free seltzer and a slice of cheesecake. Yep...that would be my dinner. I did take two doses of vitamins today, does that count? Probably not.

WHA-HA-HA-HA

Oh my....I need to dry my eyes. I have been laughing hysterically for the last 30 seconds. Here is why....


HAHAHA!!! I have been looking at "old" rock music, and came across this album cover. Please tell me if I am wrong, but doesn't Poison look like a bunch of hagged out old Drag Queens?! The guy on the lower left is a spitting image of Paris Hilton! HAHAHAHA!!! Lordy...I'm going to wet myself.

I remember listening to them as a kid (this album came out in 1986), and I probably thought they were pretty cool. Good Grief!

My other side

I have started another playlist. Yeah, it has been a cold winter ; ) . This second playlist is what I refer to as my "miniskirt, high heels, rolling around on the hood of a car" music (at least some of it). You could also mix in there "air guitar (or drums...I do both....seriously....I do) with white man's overbite." I can't believe I found "Save your love" and "Like no other night!"

I guess we all have two sides to our personalities, and well......I'm a Gemini, so double that.

What is Happiness?

Last night I was up late talking with Larry about what it means to happy. It became a rather in depth conversation, delving into the spiritual and religious realm. The question stuck with me this morning, so I thought I would write about it.

First, I should say that I think I am a generally happy person, but when I say, "I am happy" it seems to come across somewhat "Stepford-like," as if I have a glazed over look on my face with a painted on smile. That couldn't be further from the truth. I think the word "happy" gets a bad rap because it seems so superficial. I decided to see if there was any quantifiable way to define "happy," and after spending a few minutes searching the web, I realized the term "happy" is not definable. Everyone has a different definition of happiness and what it means to be happy. Most searches also produced a series of "life coaches" or salesmen trying to sale you happiness to fill that big, empty void in one's life. That opened up more doors of thought it my head. If being happy cannot be defined, then any one person conniving enough could tell another person how to be happy for a small fee. There is no scale to determine whether their techniques will work since "happiness" is different for every person. The only person that gains any happiness from this outcome is probably the sales person as they rake in the cash convincing you you are in need of their services. Even then, their happiness is based on superficial conditions (money and probably power).

So what does it mean to me when I say I feel a sense of well being, peace, and yes, happiness? Let me first say that it doesn't mean I don't struggle. I struggle everyday. Sometimes the struggle is unbearable and I become hopeless and lost, but I always find my way out. It is a sense of knowing my life has purpose and being in love with that purpose. The struggle is what makes me happy. Without it I would never have to dig down inside, look for the strength in myself, find the goodness in the world and in people, or need to seek a higher power and understanding of why I am here. The struggle makes for the calm. In fact, I don't think I know anyone that is truly happy/content/at peace that hasn't had to overcome huge obstacles in their life.

Take yesterday for instance: I have chosen to be a running partner with my girlfriend (long distance partner) and I have made the promise to myself that I will do a half marathon with her. Funny thing is I hate running, absolutely hate it, but I have committed myself to doing it, and therefore it makes me "happy." I went to City Creek Canyon while it was snowing and about 23 degrees. I started up the hill, my breath burning my lungs, the cold freezing my eyes and tongue, and the cold wind blowing ice crystals that felt like glass slicing my face. 1 mile into it I wanted to stop and turn around, but I couldn't. I kept going, and each corner I rounded, I anxiously sought out my 2 mile marker. It seemed like forever before that lovely little "2" showed up. I smiled and felt a deep sense of accomplishment. I turned around and went down the hill. 4 miles took me over and hour to do, but I was "happy." I struggled and struggled, and afterwards I was content with my minor accomplishment. My bones and muscles ached, but I slept amazingly.

I am not saying pain equates to happiness. I'm not a masochist. What I am trying to say is that "happiness" is a sense of being, it is a love that is always within you no matter the battles in your life. I know people, even pious people, that equate misery with being a better person, as if life is an endurance test. "If I am unhappy then I must be doing what God wants me to do because happiness is just too human and emotional." I don't understand this type of reasoning. Why would any loving parent want their children to live a life of unhappiness and be miserable? I also have heard views that if I "do" enough than I will be rewarded with God's love and He will make me happy by giving me rewards and promises of prosperity. For me having grown up in house where conditions were placed on love, I would think God would offer us something better in unconditional love, no matter our success and failures. I also wonder within a "be good, get rewards" system of happiness how that translates to folks who do everything just to survive, but conditions that are not within their control (war, famine, disease), make them suffer just to live? Does it also automatically mean they are unhappy and without purpose? Does that mean God does not love them? I guess that would be determined by what type of God you believed in.

I spent a lot of my life wondering why God hated me so much, what was so awful about me to deserve such pain. After all, it was He who put me in a abusive, dysfunctional home, it was He who allowed someone to molest me, it was He who put me in an environment where I was chastised almost daily for not following the flock. It was incredibly painful and has lasting effects. Those wounds will never really go away. But I also see now that those awful experiences made me who I am today. Without them, I would not be here writing these words.

Pain, anger, struggling, sorrow, and suffering are all a part of life. They exists and will always exists, but pain is not a test, it is not a place to dwell within. The pain of life shows us the beauty and love of life. Try to imagine being happy if you never felt the sharp pains of sorrow? It is impossible to do so. They do not exists separately. But it is that sense that "this to shall pass" and that "everything I need is within me" that fills that void within. There is no thing, no person who can tell me what my happiness is, or tell me a set criteria for finding my happiness. It is for me and me alone. It fills me up inside, it helps me get out of bed, it makes me love my life and find joy even in the pain. It is everything I know and everything yet to be revealed to me. It is.....undefinable.