A Statistical Anomaly

This morning as I was waiting for my Aunt and Uncle to pick me up for breakfast, I caught a few minutes of a news program that was discussing statistical probabilities of what makes a successful marriage. Apparently divorce rates haven't changed much since 1980, but reasons for why people get married and divorced have changed significantly. As I was listening to the conjecture among the scientists, I came to realize that my marriage must be an anomaly.

First strike against me...married too young. This is one I will agree with. I should have not gotten married while I was so young. Larry and I should have spent more time dating, even if it was long distance. I really did need more time to grow up. I suppose that to people reading this, a statement like that may come across as one of defeat, or that I view my marriage unsuccessful. Actually, I just see it now as a mistake (one among many in my life), and having made peace with it, we have both made our relationship stronger because of it.

No one can really know when they will meet their soul mate. Yes, I do believe that you can meet your mate while young, even really young, but as love is patient, there was no reason to jump in so fast. Of course this perspective is one that I have today, and only wish I had all those years ago. Larry and I both rushed into marriage because we loved each other and wanted to be together, but we were also afraid we might lose each other if we didn't get hitched right away. That was not a good reason to get married, we both will admit to that now. Shoulda's aside, I can look back on the reasons at the time and just accept them for what they were; young, insecure, afraid, and in love.

Next strike was not having my own career and money. Obvious as I was just starting college. I think this clearly relates to the "young " aspect.

One of the most striking statements was that couples that hold hands and show affection for each other in public are most likely to divorce. I find this to be complete BS. I would love to see their statistical data and sample size of this study. It most likely came out of some big mouth that is unhappily wed. I, for one, am extremely affectionate whether we are in public or not. Larry and I always hold hands, always kiss (okay...so there is no tongue action in public), and generally are very affectionate with one another. I think it reveals a level of intimacy between two people that are so focused on each other, they are always "in the moment" together.

I cannot imagine not touching Larry. I would feel distant and detached from him. We have always been a touchy feely couple, and my hope is we always be. Think about it...isn't it always cute to see that little old couple walking along in the park holding hands as if they were still dating and madly in love with each other? I think so. I am a severe romantic. I am in love with love. For me, displaying my love for my husband is as natural as chewing food. Maybe for other folks it isn't something that is natural to them. In any case, I doubt their study included romantic inclinations.

Where did we pass the bar? Waiting to have children. Yes, since we married so young, I couldn't conceive of adding the stress of a child. I believe that had a child been in the scenario, our marriage may not have made it. We both needed time to grow up individually as well as a couple. Our strength is now in each other. We are truly a team and completely support each other whole heartedly. Had we had to focus on raising a child, our relationship would have taken a back seat and could have never been as strong as it is today. Does that mean we don't ever want kids? Not necessarily. Although we are both getting up there in years, we can see the possibility of a child in our future.

Since we have been married for as long as we have, we are also able to see a life that may not include children. It might be our type of marriage, the type of people we are, or our age, but we can see that having children is very much a choice and not a requirement for happiness. There are so many paths one can take in life, and I have begun to see that any of them could be amazing and adventurous. Still, there is that little voice in my head that says I would be a great mom, and my husband, a wonderful loving father. I guess we will have to see.

After listening to these statisticians tell me that for all intents and purposes my marriage should be dead and gone by now, I am left feeling a bit humbled. I guess from the moment we said "I do," the statistics were against us from ever succeeding. Well Babe....I guess we showed them.