Strange Dreaming

The morning of my birthday, I awoke to strong smell of roses/flowers while in between my conscious and unconscious mind. Of course, this led me to try and find out any kind of history regarding the smelling of flowers with no flowers present. Apparently, it is not uncommon to have this experience, especially after someone has died. The usual smell is that of the flowers at the funeral, or the deceased's perfume or cologne. Since I have not been to a funeral in years, I decided to probe further. I found that any number of occurrences might have happened: the Virgin Mary visited me, an angel visited me (specifically my Guardian angel), I received a premonition that someone I care for will die, or I had a stroke. I’m not Catholic, so I am not sure about the Virgin Mary (kinda don’t believe she was a virgin either....), definitely could go with the Angel visit, possibly the premonition (which frightens me), and as I still have control over my limbs and functions, I’m going to eliminate the stroke.

I spoke to Larry about it. I tried to rationalize my way through, pushing the brain and unconscious mind aspect. After all, just yesterday a study came out that proved when the left hemisphere of the brain is removed (or incapacitated), the feeling that remains with the right side is that of heightened religious experiences or euphoria. Does make one consider what the brain is capable of doing.
I can not all together remove the rational, scientific possibilities even within the events that I consider spiritual or even paranormal. God gave me a brain, I fully intend on using it. In the same breath, I can not remove the possibility of some supernatural event, nor do I believe that using my brain equates to loss of spiritual comprehension. I am not someone who can say without a doubt that because such an event is illogical and irrational, it does not exist. It seems so arrogant to think that way. If we understood everything about life, about our brains, about what happens to us when we die, and could explain the bizarre and intense connections we feel about those we love and are connected to, I might give the “it is irrational” gang a good listening to. As we aren’t even close to truly understanding the reasoning behind life, our experiences, and the purpose there of, I must leave myself open to any possibility. It is a fine line, the line between my rational, scientific mind, and that of my soulful, spiritual ways. The war raging inside my mind can be intense, but it only provides fuel for me to ask more questions. That is a good thing.

After talking to Larry, I decided that I had an angel visit me. I feel odd saying that, but if I am going to be honest with myself, I will have to admit to it. In fact, it was the first thing I thought of that morning. Then last night I had a bizarre dream. Not bizarre in that the dream was strange, but the information in my dream, the feelings in the dream. I am no Jungian, so I can’t necessarily read into my dreams for a particular meaning. Plus I also believe that most people look for the answers that they seek in their dreams. It is not always easy to stay unbiased when trying to analyze such things.
The dream had to do with an old friend of mine whom I have always felt close to even though I don’t really know him anymore. He just always seems to be with me somehow. That being said, I don’t normally dream about him. Last night I did. I recall sitting on a couch in what appeared to be a some sort of cabin. We were holding hands and looking into each others eyes. His children, and his wife were around, but behaving as if what we (he and I) were doing was not wrong or inappropriate. I don’t really remember what we said to each other except that we both said “I love you.” Not in the “I love you so take your clothes off” kind of love, but that deep, connected kind of love such as one has for a family member. We said it a few times, and it seemed really real. Like he was right there with me. It also felt like he was going away. Later in the dream, he, his wife and kids packed up a car and headed out for a road trip to Montana. I asked if I could take care of his animals (strange I know), and then I waved them goodbye.

I woke up a bit confused, wondering what it all meant. Was it just some psychological event of me making peace with an old friend and thereby saying goodbye, or what it some sort of premonition? With the flowers and now this, I am wondering. Is it a warning of a possible accident? I am starting to sound insane. I realize this. It is probably nothing but my active imagination coming out in a dream. It just seemed so real, his face, his eyes. It was as if he was sitting right next to me in the here and now.

What to do now? It’s not like I can just contact him and go, “don’t ask me why, but if you are going on a trip this summer, take extra precautions.” He would think I was nuts! I would think I was nuts! Like I said, it was probably just a dream, nothing more. At least I hope that is all it is.