Yesterday, being completely spontaneous, I registered to run in the Susan G Komen Race for the Cure 5K on May 10th. I don't know what exactly inspired me to decide to just do it (sorry for the Nike reference....unintentional). I think I saw a news blip on my homepage and suddenly found myself signing up. I have no team, and no one I am running with. I'm just doing it (again, sorry) for myself. With such short notice, I didn't expect to gather many donations for the cause, but I have managed to raise $110 (including my sign up + donation) from family members in the first day.
I have been running 3 miles up and down hill for the last couple of months, so I am hoping a 5K on a somewhat flat course is easier. I think I wanted to do something good, and test myself to see where I am running wise. I am still working toward that 10K and then hopefully a half marathon. I have decided I have no desire to do a marathon. I would much rather do a triathlon.
I think this is the first of many "fun" runs. In June there is another 5K up City Creek. Who knows I might be one of those freaks that spends my summer weekends doing races. That would be my husbands dream. He has been hoping that someday I would want to run and race with him. Of course, I would decide to do this while he is gone. That is such a Bindy thing to do; make sure I can do myself before letting anyone do it with me. I have to make sure my motivations are just right.
Here is the link to my donations page if anyone passing by wants to donate to a good cause:
http://www.active.com/donate/komenslc2008/kslcbcrafts
5/02/2008
5/01/2008
The Changing Game
Last night Larry informed me that the Navy has "suddenly" found the money for him to stay in Hawaii now, at least until August 30th. Grrrr! Yep this is how the military operates; one month they have money, the next they don't. Meanwhile our lives are topsy turvy with no regard to how last minutes decisions impact our life, mine especially. I have already turned away the house sitter I had been talking to, so now my life is once again torn apart. I am now trying to convince my Mom to come back out again this summer, so I can leave for about a month and stay with Larry. On the good side, Larry is looking at possibly renting a small house for the extended time, but on the other side of the island. This would be within walking distance to the beach. I could definitely go for that!
I did tell Larry that if he decides to take more of these opportunities in the future, he needs to do them in-country, so that we (me and the animals) can pack up and go with him. I can't continue to live like this. We need to be together. I think he realizes this as well. I am feeling like I am stuck on the planet "in between" where I am going nowhere and feeling motionless. His life is still on track, and he has a built in group of friends that he interacts with.
I have loved the opportunities to go to Hawaii multiple times, and to Australia. That part has been amazing, but my day to day in Salt Lake just feels empty no matter what I fill my days doing. I guess I just really miss him, and don't want to live my life alone anymore.
I did tell Larry that if he decides to take more of these opportunities in the future, he needs to do them in-country, so that we (me and the animals) can pack up and go with him. I can't continue to live like this. We need to be together. I think he realizes this as well. I am feeling like I am stuck on the planet "in between" where I am going nowhere and feeling motionless. His life is still on track, and he has a built in group of friends that he interacts with.
I have loved the opportunities to go to Hawaii multiple times, and to Australia. That part has been amazing, but my day to day in Salt Lake just feels empty no matter what I fill my days doing. I guess I just really miss him, and don't want to live my life alone anymore.
4/30/2008
Closing In
I am turning the final corner in my last class for the semester. I am currently struggling to wrap my brain around the Ascending Auditory Pathways and the 8th Cranial Nerve and how it works as part of the hearing process, Cochlea, Organ of Corti, and inner and outer hair cells. The amount of detail that rests within our small, but magnificent ears is truly astounding....a pain in the butt for me, but astounding. The Organ of Corti alone is mind blowing. Wish me luck!!!
4/29/2008
Just a Simple Phone Call
Yesterday I received a surprise phone call from an Aunt whom I haven't heard from in a while. I actually had been thinking I needed to call and visit with her since I am home. She is my father's older sister, and the matriarch of the "clan." The last couple of times I have visited with the family, I have perceived a little investigation into my life other than just the gathering of general knowledge. That side of my family is LDS, and although it is questionable how LDS they are (I been witness to a few beer drinkers), it has become more pronounced in dialogue recently.
I am of the belief that one's subscribed beliefs are their own business (as long as they don't harm another in the practice of them). I respect beliefs as personal and individual. It is none of my business what anyone really believes in or doesn't believe in. If it brings them comfort and happiness then I cannot cast judgement on their reasons for why the believe in what they do.
Every so often, however, the same respect is not offered to me. I am currently of no religion and am trying to church shop to find a place that fits me. Yes, I know to some that might sound self centered, but for me a religion has to first understand my own connection to God, which functions with or without a religious connection. I know what I need from a religion, and I know what I can offer it. So far, I have not found my place yet, but hope to soon.
My Aunt is not really aware of my religious/nonreligious persuasion because....well... it's none of her business. I don't think that it should be a big deal. As I look back, however, I am reminded of a few questions that came out of the blue, the stack of genealogy papers given to me, the adoration in her eyes when she would discuss the prestigious family members who came to Utah with Brigham Young, and the statement she made when inviting me to a family dinner, "go ahead and park in the church parking lot, maybe that way you will decide to convert." Ah yes, I will determine my spiritual growth by which parking lot I park my car in. I know she says this not to undermine me or my beliefs, but more just out of ignorance. She, like most Utah folk, don't understand that there can be anything good beyond the bounds of Mormonism. As I have heard repeatedly, "well I don't really believe in a lot of what the church teaches, but it has good family values." I think there is a general misunderstanding that the only good families are Mormon families. I find this idea to be sad and unfortunate, not to mention not always true.
As I talked to my Aunt, she started discussing how she was looking forward to being with her Tom again (my uncle passed away 2 years ago). That they will be together for eternity. I immediately became uncomfortable knowing where this conversation was headed, "Yep, that will be great, but right now you have all your children and grand children who love you and want you here." I was trying to change the subject, but she was not letting me off the hook this time. "Don't you want to be with Larry for eternity?" she asked. How does one answer such a question, and in a way that she will understand without offending her? I knew that in her own way, she was trying to "look out" for me. I responded the only way I knew how, by being honest, "I believe that eternity rests in love, God is love, and as I love my family and my husband, I believe I will be with them, and with God, after I die." A long, uncomfortable pause followed. She didn't really respond. I took the opportunity to completely change the conversation, asking how my cousin Becky was doing, knowing she loves nothing more than to talk about her kids. It worked.
After I hung up with her, I began to really reflect on the uncomfortable feeling I had. It is one of those deep pains, that always makes the hair on the back of my neck rise up. I care for my Aunt and wish her all the love and joy in this life and the next, but I just couldn't get over the fact that she actually believes that because I am not a Mormon, I will spend eternity without God, without love, and without my family. How is that even possible? How does one jump to such conclusions?
The concept reminded me of being in 1st grade when my teacher made a graph with all our names on the left side of the paper, and the days of the week on the top. Depending on how "good" you were (homework, tardiness, quizzes, etc..) you would receive a different colored star: gold, silver, red, and green. God help you if you got anything below a silver. Green was just an abomination. Only losers got green. At the end of the week, prizes were given out for those that got the most gold stars. I guess in a way that is how I view what my Aunt asked me; if I join the church, get sealed in the temple to my husband, do all the things the church asks of me, my money, and my time, then I get a week of gold stars, and will be given my family to spend eternity with as a reward, rather then the crappy dark green stars that lead to some other spiritual plane for those who don't share the Mormon view of eternity. I also remember feeling stressed out about getting those gold stars. My anxiety level was high, and it would often lead to tears if I didn't do something just right and missed the Gold star opportunity, having to settle for silver or even red. How sad that a 6 year old would have to feel such anxiety about something so trivial. Stars be damned I say, the larger picture should have been shown in what one learns in the process; why do your homework, why do you get to class on time, why do you study for quizzes? Not to get Gold stars, or the rewards, but to learn. This is how I view life, we come to learn and to love, not to work for a reward. I feel that an outlook of rewards taints the reasons behind all actions, making them superficial and temporary.
In my marriage and in my family, I love them because they are my family, not because of what they do or don't do, or what I can get out of it. I love God because he is everything and the basis for all my actions, and when I struggle with my choices I turn to him alone for help. Love has no boundaries for me, not in this life, nor the next. I don't have to join a religion to understand that or to feel what that means. Whatever God has in store for me and my husband or any member of my family is not for me to say. If God needs my husband to do something which means we cannot be together, then so be it. I will still love him, and he will still be my family. Isn't that what love is, without conditions, without possession? Shouldn't we all have the freedom to love and be loved without worrying about whether we made the mark, or passed the test? I hope someday my Aunt might be able to see and understand such things. I know she loves her family more than life itself. She is a loving, wonderful person. I just hope she can understand that love is enough. It is the best and the most inspired of places to reside.
I am of the belief that one's subscribed beliefs are their own business (as long as they don't harm another in the practice of them). I respect beliefs as personal and individual. It is none of my business what anyone really believes in or doesn't believe in. If it brings them comfort and happiness then I cannot cast judgement on their reasons for why the believe in what they do.
Every so often, however, the same respect is not offered to me. I am currently of no religion and am trying to church shop to find a place that fits me. Yes, I know to some that might sound self centered, but for me a religion has to first understand my own connection to God, which functions with or without a religious connection. I know what I need from a religion, and I know what I can offer it. So far, I have not found my place yet, but hope to soon.
My Aunt is not really aware of my religious/nonreligious persuasion because....well... it's none of her business. I don't think that it should be a big deal. As I look back, however, I am reminded of a few questions that came out of the blue, the stack of genealogy papers given to me, the adoration in her eyes when she would discuss the prestigious family members who came to Utah with Brigham Young, and the statement she made when inviting me to a family dinner, "go ahead and park in the church parking lot, maybe that way you will decide to convert." Ah yes, I will determine my spiritual growth by which parking lot I park my car in. I know she says this not to undermine me or my beliefs, but more just out of ignorance. She, like most Utah folk, don't understand that there can be anything good beyond the bounds of Mormonism. As I have heard repeatedly, "well I don't really believe in a lot of what the church teaches, but it has good family values." I think there is a general misunderstanding that the only good families are Mormon families. I find this idea to be sad and unfortunate, not to mention not always true.
As I talked to my Aunt, she started discussing how she was looking forward to being with her Tom again (my uncle passed away 2 years ago). That they will be together for eternity. I immediately became uncomfortable knowing where this conversation was headed, "Yep, that will be great, but right now you have all your children and grand children who love you and want you here." I was trying to change the subject, but she was not letting me off the hook this time. "Don't you want to be with Larry for eternity?" she asked. How does one answer such a question, and in a way that she will understand without offending her? I knew that in her own way, she was trying to "look out" for me. I responded the only way I knew how, by being honest, "I believe that eternity rests in love, God is love, and as I love my family and my husband, I believe I will be with them, and with God, after I die." A long, uncomfortable pause followed. She didn't really respond. I took the opportunity to completely change the conversation, asking how my cousin Becky was doing, knowing she loves nothing more than to talk about her kids. It worked.
After I hung up with her, I began to really reflect on the uncomfortable feeling I had. It is one of those deep pains, that always makes the hair on the back of my neck rise up. I care for my Aunt and wish her all the love and joy in this life and the next, but I just couldn't get over the fact that she actually believes that because I am not a Mormon, I will spend eternity without God, without love, and without my family. How is that even possible? How does one jump to such conclusions?
The concept reminded me of being in 1st grade when my teacher made a graph with all our names on the left side of the paper, and the days of the week on the top. Depending on how "good" you were (homework, tardiness, quizzes, etc..) you would receive a different colored star: gold, silver, red, and green. God help you if you got anything below a silver. Green was just an abomination. Only losers got green. At the end of the week, prizes were given out for those that got the most gold stars. I guess in a way that is how I view what my Aunt asked me; if I join the church, get sealed in the temple to my husband, do all the things the church asks of me, my money, and my time, then I get a week of gold stars, and will be given my family to spend eternity with as a reward, rather then the crappy dark green stars that lead to some other spiritual plane for those who don't share the Mormon view of eternity. I also remember feeling stressed out about getting those gold stars. My anxiety level was high, and it would often lead to tears if I didn't do something just right and missed the Gold star opportunity, having to settle for silver or even red. How sad that a 6 year old would have to feel such anxiety about something so trivial. Stars be damned I say, the larger picture should have been shown in what one learns in the process; why do your homework, why do you get to class on time, why do you study for quizzes? Not to get Gold stars, or the rewards, but to learn. This is how I view life, we come to learn and to love, not to work for a reward. I feel that an outlook of rewards taints the reasons behind all actions, making them superficial and temporary.
In my marriage and in my family, I love them because they are my family, not because of what they do or don't do, or what I can get out of it. I love God because he is everything and the basis for all my actions, and when I struggle with my choices I turn to him alone for help. Love has no boundaries for me, not in this life, nor the next. I don't have to join a religion to understand that or to feel what that means. Whatever God has in store for me and my husband or any member of my family is not for me to say. If God needs my husband to do something which means we cannot be together, then so be it. I will still love him, and he will still be my family. Isn't that what love is, without conditions, without possession? Shouldn't we all have the freedom to love and be loved without worrying about whether we made the mark, or passed the test? I hope someday my Aunt might be able to see and understand such things. I know she loves her family more than life itself. She is a loving, wonderful person. I just hope she can understand that love is enough. It is the best and the most inspired of places to reside.
" He who is filled with love is filled with God himself." Saint Augustine
4/28/2008
Use Your Words
During a recent visit to the local grocery story, I ran into a communication problem with the cashier. As a future Speech Pathologist, I have come to realize that how I communicate and speak is extremely important in my future success in my chosen profession. Sometimes, however, the receiver of my communication is just unable to really understand what I am saying, no matter how clearly I try to explain myself.
The grocery stores here offer self check-out. Not sure if that is the case across the country, but here in Salt Lake all the local stores I shop at have it as an option to the standard check-out. This has its pluses and minuses. If, like me, you only have a small basket of goods, it makes it pretty easy and fast. I actually timed myself once while getting a half gallon of milk. From the time I entered the store, went to the back of the store, grabbed my milk, hit the self check out and paid, I was in the store 46 seconds. Yes, it can be that fast.
The minus can be that with these self check-outs, there is only 1 cashier monitoring all the activity. When it gets really busy it can be chaotic with people that don't know what they are doing. I do feel for the cashier, what with all the nasty looks she gets when the screen of an individual check-out comes up "please wait for attendant," having to deal with coupons, or helping people figure out the produce screen. I am certain they don't pay her enough.
Part of my purchase this time was two reusable bags. They were 79cents each, and I needed to add some to my collection. Mind you, this was a purchase of the bags. I was also going to use the bags since I had purchased them. This makes sense, no? I scanned all my food items, got to the bags, scanned one, and got a "please wait for attendant" warning. I turned around and the attendant was no where to be found. I looked at the long line behind me of scowls and disappointed faces.
"Come on," I mumbled to myself. Finally, she came back to her station. I walked over to her. "There is a problem with my last scan," I said.
She carefully looked over my stuff (I had already put my goods in the first bag).
"Oh well, when you use your own bags, you need to put them on the scale first, before starting your purchases."
"Okay, but I am buying these bags, so their weight should should be included in the purchase." I replied.
"Oh....you just bought them. Well just make sure you put them on the scale before you start scanning items."
Ummmm.....isn't that considered stealing?
I went back to my check out and scanned the last bag, and placed it on the scale. Again, "please wait for attendant" flashed onto the screen. Okay, now I am getting pissed. I looked over to her, and she stated yet again, "just make sure to put the bags on the scale prior to scanning items."
Okay, we all get to make stupid mistakes in our lives, but this chick just isn't getting it. I responded with, "I don't think the store would like that very much." She looked at me with a confused look on her face. "Wouldn't that be stealing?" I asked. Suddenly a light bulb went off in her head. Ding Ding, we have a winner!
I packed up the remaining items in my now paid for bag and left the store. Afterwards, I was critical of myself that maybe I was impatient or didn't explain myself well enough. I mulled it over driving back home. Naw, this was not a miscommunication on my part, she just couldn't understand that I was actually buying these bags. Just then the light bulb went off in my head, "Crap! I could have gotten two reusable bags for FREE!" Apparently, no one would have been the wiser. Oh well, I probably would have felt guilty about it any way......for a while.
The grocery stores here offer self check-out. Not sure if that is the case across the country, but here in Salt Lake all the local stores I shop at have it as an option to the standard check-out. This has its pluses and minuses. If, like me, you only have a small basket of goods, it makes it pretty easy and fast. I actually timed myself once while getting a half gallon of milk. From the time I entered the store, went to the back of the store, grabbed my milk, hit the self check out and paid, I was in the store 46 seconds. Yes, it can be that fast.
The minus can be that with these self check-outs, there is only 1 cashier monitoring all the activity. When it gets really busy it can be chaotic with people that don't know what they are doing. I do feel for the cashier, what with all the nasty looks she gets when the screen of an individual check-out comes up "please wait for attendant," having to deal with coupons, or helping people figure out the produce screen. I am certain they don't pay her enough.
Part of my purchase this time was two reusable bags. They were 79cents each, and I needed to add some to my collection. Mind you, this was a purchase of the bags. I was also going to use the bags since I had purchased them. This makes sense, no? I scanned all my food items, got to the bags, scanned one, and got a "please wait for attendant" warning. I turned around and the attendant was no where to be found. I looked at the long line behind me of scowls and disappointed faces.
"Come on," I mumbled to myself. Finally, she came back to her station. I walked over to her. "There is a problem with my last scan," I said.
She carefully looked over my stuff (I had already put my goods in the first bag).
"Oh well, when you use your own bags, you need to put them on the scale first, before starting your purchases."
"Okay, but I am buying these bags, so their weight should should be included in the purchase." I replied.
"Oh....you just bought them. Well just make sure you put them on the scale before you start scanning items."
Ummmm.....isn't that considered stealing?
I went back to my check out and scanned the last bag, and placed it on the scale. Again, "please wait for attendant" flashed onto the screen. Okay, now I am getting pissed. I looked over to her, and she stated yet again, "just make sure to put the bags on the scale prior to scanning items."
Okay, we all get to make stupid mistakes in our lives, but this chick just isn't getting it. I responded with, "I don't think the store would like that very much." She looked at me with a confused look on her face. "Wouldn't that be stealing?" I asked. Suddenly a light bulb went off in her head. Ding Ding, we have a winner!
I packed up the remaining items in my now paid for bag and left the store. Afterwards, I was critical of myself that maybe I was impatient or didn't explain myself well enough. I mulled it over driving back home. Naw, this was not a miscommunication on my part, she just couldn't understand that I was actually buying these bags. Just then the light bulb went off in my head, "Crap! I could have gotten two reusable bags for FREE!" Apparently, no one would have been the wiser. Oh well, I probably would have felt guilty about it any way......for a while.
4/27/2008
A Beautiful Weekend
This weekend was spent mostly outdoors. I did have to spend some time at the library studying for my upcoming final exam, but other than that I either worked or played outside. Larry asked me to send some photos to him, but rather than sending him an email with pictures, I thought I would post them here. That way I could also coerce another cyber rose out of him.
The first photos are of my garden, with the spring tulips and daffodils popping up. I also spent quite of bit of time pulling weeds. While weeding, I got into a wrestle with a rose bush. This is just one of the bloody scratches left on me after my defeat.
Today I went to City Creek, but instead of running my normal, paved coarse, I decided to go up one of the trails and then continue on the Bonneville Shoreline. It was a beautiful day and I actual sweat through my shirt. Lots of bikers, and even ran across a guy who had hiked up with his guitar and was playing music in a grassy area. It was actually kind of cool. I did take a couple of corny pictures of myself; one were I cut off my face, the other I was just too close to the camera. What the heck, at least I was there.
The first photos are of my garden, with the spring tulips and daffodils popping up. I also spent quite of bit of time pulling weeds. While weeding, I got into a wrestle with a rose bush. This is just one of the bloody scratches left on me after my defeat.
Today I went to City Creek, but instead of running my normal, paved coarse, I decided to go up one of the trails and then continue on the Bonneville Shoreline. It was a beautiful day and I actual sweat through my shirt. Lots of bikers, and even ran across a guy who had hiked up with his guitar and was playing music in a grassy area. It was actually kind of cool. I did take a couple of corny pictures of myself; one were I cut off my face, the other I was just too close to the camera. What the heck, at least I was there.
4/26/2008
A Great Story
I just watched this movie and fell in love with it. Highly recommended, especially if your a die hard romantic like me.
4/25/2008
Got a Brain???
Polygamist supporters protest at Rockets-Jazz game in Salt Lake City
02:05 AM CDT on Friday, April 25, 2008
SALT LAKE CITY — About 100 people rallied outside the Utah Jazz playoff game Thursday, chanting for Texas to release the children taken into state custody from a polygamist sect.
People protest in support of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints children outside the Houston Rockets-Utah Jazz NBA basketball playoff game Thursday in Salt Lake City. They are against Texas' seizure of the kids and placing them in foster homes.
Signs read “Free the Children” and “Got Constitution?” and people attending the rally chanted “Shame on Texas ... Free those kids!” as fans walked by on their way to the Jazz game against the Houston Rockets.
Some drivers honked and the protesters say the reactions were mostly positive, other than a few obscene gestures and jeers.
One woman held a sign that said “Prejudice Hurts Kids.” She said she was alarmed at the way Texas took the children from their parents.
The Yearning For Zion Ranch in Eldorado was raided April 3.
I read this this morning and about died. I cannot believe that at a moment when the LDS are trying desperately to disassociate themselves from the FLDS, a group of them attack a national basketball game with a protest in support of FLDS behavior. My favorite statement is "Prejudice Hurts Kids." Oh that's rich! What the hell does raping young girls have anything to do with prejudice? It is deeply unfortunate that all the kids have been removed from their homes and have been placed in foster care. It is no doubt extremely hard on all involved. But let us not forget that this activity is ILLEGAL!!! Having sex with underage girls is illegal and wrong. It is also wrong to "marry" all these women, get them knocked up with a dozen kids, and then file for welfare so the state can pay to care for all the "unwed mothers" and "fatherless children." It is fraud and its immoral. Shame on Utah and Arizona for not stopping this crap when they had the chance, and they have had many.
I feel for the children and their loss and confusion. What these protesters need to do is get their big mouths and butts down to Texas and help out these kids. Sorry folks, but protesting at a basketball game for "religious freedom" is about as effective as protesting global warming at an Opera. Not only is it ineffective, but confirms to the rest of the world what everyone is already saying; the LDS are FLDS, and Utah is a hotbed of condoned polygamy. If this was suppose to be a protest for religious freedom, then I have to say they are deeply ill informed. Freedom to practice one's religion is a right, as long as it does not hurt another person, or take away the personal freedoms of another. These people lost their children because there is evidence that these children have been abused. The children have lost their personal freedoms, and their rights as human beings. The parents lost their children because they chose to engage in activities that led them to break the law.
GOT CONSTITUTION??
4/24/2008
An Afterthought
I realize I already posted today, but I read this and just had to post it. I thought it was hilarious, and as a woman barking at 40 (I'll be 36 next month) I loved it even more.
It is from Andy Rooney of 60 minutes:
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
It is from Andy Rooney of 60 minutes:
As I grow in age, I value women over 40 most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:
A woman over 40 will never wake you in the middle of the night and ask, 'What are you thinking?' She doesn't care what you think.
If a woman over 40 doesn't want to watch the game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She does something she wants to do, and it's usually more interesting.
Women over 40 are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in the middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.
Older women are generous with praise, often undeserved. They know what it's like to be unappreciated.
Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to a woman over 40.
Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over 40 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.
Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off if you are a jerk, if you are acting like one. You don't ever have to wonder where you stand with her.
Yes, we praise women over 40 for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coiffed, hot woman over 40, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22-year old waitress. Ladies, I apologize.
For all those men who say, 'Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?', here's an update for you. Nowadays 80% of women are against marriage. Why? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage!
My girlfriend and her son
I was visiting my girlfriend's web page and thought this picture of her and her son at Walt Disney World is really cute. I had to download it and post it (sorry Jody, hope you don't mind). Now we are trying to plan a trip to New York City, just us girls. How am I going to fit all this traveling in this summer? Everyone seems to want me to come visit, and I am being pulled from one side of the globe to the other. Of course I want to do it all, but I just need more days.
4/23/2008
Old Lessons
Last night Larry called me completely stressed and frustrated. "What is going on?" I asked him. "Oh, I'm just stressed about stuff." This is how he always starts off when he needs to talk. He is very ambiguous at first, which, of course, makes me probe further. I continued to dig and ask, "What's bugging you?" After a few minutes he finally let it out. He is frustrated that the Navy cut his orders from Sept 30 to June 30.
Oh yes, we have been down this path many times before. Things like this happen, and for reasons out of his control, but he is hell bent on forcing the issue. I reminded him this lesson comes before him a lot, and yet he never seems to learn. "You must let it go," I gently reminded him. I used the round hole, square peg metaphor.
The deeper issue though is that he takes it as a personal attack rather than just being able to see it as the bureaucratic crap that it is. I, having dealt a lot with my own confidence and self esteem issues, told him he needed to step back and take a good hard look at why he is holding on so strongly to something that has determined his value as less than what it is. I think this speaks to the motivation behind his overall frustration and anxiety.
I suppose it is hard for him when the people that he works for and with are all saying they need him to stay, they need his expertise, but the people making the financial choices only see numbers. In my opinion, those who see him as a critical asset need to step forward and fight the fight to keep him. As we all know, words of kindness are just words if they have no action to back them up.
He listened to everything I said, and I hope understood my point. Whenever I find myself in a pickle, I can always turn to him for a differing perspective and advice, and I hope he can find solace in what I have to say to him. I have watched him in these battles before. They are uphill and arduous, taking the life out of him, but the truth is that he is only fighting himself. I often look at it as a bad relationship. Why do some stay in relationships, either romantic or platonic, when there is nothing being offered on the other end? People will stick around and offer their undying devotion to something or someone that cannot offer anything in return. Trying to convince someone to love you, to accept you and find you valuable is a futile effort. I speak from too much experience. Either they do or they don't. It is up to you to decide when it is time to move on, leaving those who no longer value you behind. You can never be happy spending your life trying to get someone to see your value when they are unable to.
I find this scenario to be true for him in this particular situation. Either the Navy needs to put their words into action or it is time to move on, and move towards something else that is no doubt waiting for him anyway. One thing is for sure, there are always opportunities ahead. You just have to be able to close the door on the places and people that no longer fit in your life. In doing so, you allow yourself see all the many doors yet to be opened.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." -Helen Keller
Oh yes, we have been down this path many times before. Things like this happen, and for reasons out of his control, but he is hell bent on forcing the issue. I reminded him this lesson comes before him a lot, and yet he never seems to learn. "You must let it go," I gently reminded him. I used the round hole, square peg metaphor.
The deeper issue though is that he takes it as a personal attack rather than just being able to see it as the bureaucratic crap that it is. I, having dealt a lot with my own confidence and self esteem issues, told him he needed to step back and take a good hard look at why he is holding on so strongly to something that has determined his value as less than what it is. I think this speaks to the motivation behind his overall frustration and anxiety.
I suppose it is hard for him when the people that he works for and with are all saying they need him to stay, they need his expertise, but the people making the financial choices only see numbers. In my opinion, those who see him as a critical asset need to step forward and fight the fight to keep him. As we all know, words of kindness are just words if they have no action to back them up.
He listened to everything I said, and I hope understood my point. Whenever I find myself in a pickle, I can always turn to him for a differing perspective and advice, and I hope he can find solace in what I have to say to him. I have watched him in these battles before. They are uphill and arduous, taking the life out of him, but the truth is that he is only fighting himself. I often look at it as a bad relationship. Why do some stay in relationships, either romantic or platonic, when there is nothing being offered on the other end? People will stick around and offer their undying devotion to something or someone that cannot offer anything in return. Trying to convince someone to love you, to accept you and find you valuable is a futile effort. I speak from too much experience. Either they do or they don't. It is up to you to decide when it is time to move on, leaving those who no longer value you behind. You can never be happy spending your life trying to get someone to see your value when they are unable to.
I find this scenario to be true for him in this particular situation. Either the Navy needs to put their words into action or it is time to move on, and move towards something else that is no doubt waiting for him anyway. One thing is for sure, there are always opportunities ahead. You just have to be able to close the door on the places and people that no longer fit in your life. In doing so, you allow yourself see all the many doors yet to be opened.
"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." -Helen Keller
4/21/2008
What's your Dream?
Everyone has a dream. It is probably one of the best parts about being human. I would be worried about a person that didn't have dreams. I think for some it might be easier to dream; people that have a creative streak, or maybe have a childish spirit. I still dream a lot. I think I was yelled at as a kid for having my head in the clouds. Well, it didn't do much good....my head is still floating around up there in the stratosphere. When I say "dream" I don't necessarily mean the dreams in one's sleep, but dreams for one's life, both the realistic and the fantastic.
Today I was once again up City Creek Canyon doing my little jog jig. Between the sound of my feet pounding the asphalt, the breathing in and out, and the splashing of the water beside me, my mind opened up and became filled with my dreams. There are many, but there is one that continually comes up in my life ever since I was a kid; one that I have yet to see to fruition. The dream is me, an old 1970s Jeep that has seen better days, my camera, a dog of deep loyalty and strength, a couple days of supplies, tent, and a map going nowhere. I guess it is my own microscopic version of Into the Wild. I know it doesn't seem like much to some, but to me it is one of those dreams that makes me get all giddy when I think about it. I am a little afraid to do it, but that makes me want to do it even more. Larry doesn't like the idea of me being out alone. Heck, he worries about me making it down the stairs without killing myself! I would pack a gun, of course. I know how to use one and am a decent shot, so I would have some protection. It's not like I am going to go off to Alaska, just some remote areas in Utah. I just don't want to plan it out. I just want to go and.....well.....survive. Just for a few days.
Larry is supportive of me achieving my dream. As much as he can be while worrying about me as much as he does. He said he would buy me the Jeep. I told him he couldn't. It has to me, be mine. I have to buy it. It is my dream, and mine alone. He does understand my stubbornness here. It can't just be part mine, it has to be the whole enchilada. I KNOW that I will make this dream a reality. Sooner than later would be best, but I will have to get some things done first.
That's it. Simple to some, crazy to others, but for me it would mean a lot. That's what dreams are for, I think. They give our life meaning, purpose, and add a little color to an otherwise blank canvas.
Today I was once again up City Creek Canyon doing my little jog jig. Between the sound of my feet pounding the asphalt, the breathing in and out, and the splashing of the water beside me, my mind opened up and became filled with my dreams. There are many, but there is one that continually comes up in my life ever since I was a kid; one that I have yet to see to fruition. The dream is me, an old 1970s Jeep that has seen better days, my camera, a dog of deep loyalty and strength, a couple days of supplies, tent, and a map going nowhere. I guess it is my own microscopic version of Into the Wild. I know it doesn't seem like much to some, but to me it is one of those dreams that makes me get all giddy when I think about it. I am a little afraid to do it, but that makes me want to do it even more. Larry doesn't like the idea of me being out alone. Heck, he worries about me making it down the stairs without killing myself! I would pack a gun, of course. I know how to use one and am a decent shot, so I would have some protection. It's not like I am going to go off to Alaska, just some remote areas in Utah. I just don't want to plan it out. I just want to go and.....well.....survive. Just for a few days.
Larry is supportive of me achieving my dream. As much as he can be while worrying about me as much as he does. He said he would buy me the Jeep. I told him he couldn't. It has to me, be mine. I have to buy it. It is my dream, and mine alone. He does understand my stubbornness here. It can't just be part mine, it has to be the whole enchilada. I KNOW that I will make this dream a reality. Sooner than later would be best, but I will have to get some things done first.
That's it. Simple to some, crazy to others, but for me it would mean a lot. That's what dreams are for, I think. They give our life meaning, purpose, and add a little color to an otherwise blank canvas.
4/20/2008
Just another Saturday
One of the hard parts about being without your "other," is the amount of time that is given to phone time. The weekend is the only time that Larry and I can talk as long as we want to. The four hour difference between us makes it hard for us to have any real dialogue during the week; too early in the morning for him on the front side, too late at night for me on the backside.
Yesterday I let myself sleep until around 9, got up changed the sheets on the bed, fed the cats and played with them some, watched the news, did a little yard work, and around 10:30 got a call from Larry. We talked until 2:00 in the afternoon. I paid bills, brushed my teeth, ate some oatmeal, folded clothes, did the dishes, and bought tickets to see John Mayer this summer all while on the phone with him. We discussed everything and anything. I still can't believe we can just talk to each other for that long. I am a chatter box though, and probably did more gabbing than he.
After the marathon phone call, I put on my running shoes and decided to go for a run up city creek. Since I've been back home, I have only gone up the canyon three times. The first time I was still sick, but wanted the fresh air, the second I had intended on running, but had just eaten and the stomach was a little upset. Yesterday, I decided that I was finally going to run. It had been more than a month since I last ran, and I figured it would be like starting all over again. I was actually dreading it. Surprisingly, it was the best run I have ever done! I finished and felt like I could have just kept going. I wasn't tired at all, breathing easily. I was shocked! I would never have expected, "I am loving this" to run through my head while running. Amazing!
Afterwards, I was on a high and hungry. I felt like some meat and corn. I headed to the store where I searched high and low for corn on the cob. No luck, must be too early in the season. About crapped my pants when I saw how expensive steaks have gotten. Good thing I only eat red meat about every 14 days....maybe. Decided on some red potatoes and a pint of Cherry Garcia. Larry called me while I was at the store. He wanted to notify me that he was going to an Earth Day concert with Dave Matthews and Jack Johnson. Just call me Kermit. Oh man, am I jealous or what!! Virtually nothing going on here for Earth Day. I think Whole Foods is giving out reusable bags. Hummm... concert to raise funds for Earth Day, who would want that? Reusable bags, yippee!! Larry did mention that it was because of me that he decided to jump on the opportunity to go. It being such a "bindy" thing to do. Guess he is learning something!
I came home, boiled my potatoes and grilled my steak. I took a picture of my meal and sent it to him. He responded with a picture of the amphitheater. GRRRR. We continued to text each other about 10 more times in addition to two very loud, short conversations. I decided to get out the Garcia and put in the first disc of the 5th season of MI-5 (awesome show by the way). Around 10, I decided to head to bed, it being such an exciting day and all (wink wink). As I got ready, I decided to send Larry one more text and pic of me in my Nightie. At least with all the excitement he is enjoying, he will remember what he has waiting for him at home! Never let'em forget what's really important, I say.
Just another Saturday....
Yesterday I let myself sleep until around 9, got up changed the sheets on the bed, fed the cats and played with them some, watched the news, did a little yard work, and around 10:30 got a call from Larry. We talked until 2:00 in the afternoon. I paid bills, brushed my teeth, ate some oatmeal, folded clothes, did the dishes, and bought tickets to see John Mayer this summer all while on the phone with him. We discussed everything and anything. I still can't believe we can just talk to each other for that long. I am a chatter box though, and probably did more gabbing than he.
After the marathon phone call, I put on my running shoes and decided to go for a run up city creek. Since I've been back home, I have only gone up the canyon three times. The first time I was still sick, but wanted the fresh air, the second I had intended on running, but had just eaten and the stomach was a little upset. Yesterday, I decided that I was finally going to run. It had been more than a month since I last ran, and I figured it would be like starting all over again. I was actually dreading it. Surprisingly, it was the best run I have ever done! I finished and felt like I could have just kept going. I wasn't tired at all, breathing easily. I was shocked! I would never have expected, "I am loving this" to run through my head while running. Amazing!
Afterwards, I was on a high and hungry. I felt like some meat and corn. I headed to the store where I searched high and low for corn on the cob. No luck, must be too early in the season. About crapped my pants when I saw how expensive steaks have gotten. Good thing I only eat red meat about every 14 days....maybe. Decided on some red potatoes and a pint of Cherry Garcia. Larry called me while I was at the store. He wanted to notify me that he was going to an Earth Day concert with Dave Matthews and Jack Johnson. Just call me Kermit. Oh man, am I jealous or what!! Virtually nothing going on here for Earth Day. I think Whole Foods is giving out reusable bags. Hummm... concert to raise funds for Earth Day, who would want that? Reusable bags, yippee!! Larry did mention that it was because of me that he decided to jump on the opportunity to go. It being such a "bindy" thing to do. Guess he is learning something!
I came home, boiled my potatoes and grilled my steak. I took a picture of my meal and sent it to him. He responded with a picture of the amphitheater. GRRRR. We continued to text each other about 10 more times in addition to two very loud, short conversations. I decided to get out the Garcia and put in the first disc of the 5th season of MI-5 (awesome show by the way). Around 10, I decided to head to bed, it being such an exciting day and all (wink wink). As I got ready, I decided to send Larry one more text and pic of me in my Nightie. At least with all the excitement he is enjoying, he will remember what he has waiting for him at home! Never let'em forget what's really important, I say.
Just another Saturday....
4/18/2008
Avian Obesity Epidemic
At least that's what I'm worried I've got going on here. The house next to mine has a wall of Ivy. Within that Ivy are sparrows that have set up nests. They live there all year, coming out to play when the sun is visible. When Larry and I built our fence last year, I wanted to make sure I had places for bird feeders. I have two hanging now. I will fill one with seed, and within the afternoon it is empty. I fill the other (the one below) and it is emptied out in about 3 days, sometimes less.
I do enjoy watching them from my kitchen window. I have counted up to to 8 on this particular feeder, but usually the guys start to get a little territorial (as in the picture below) when too many try to eat at the same time. I wonder if they are getting fat by all this available food? Kind of like the plump American on his way to McDonald's. It's cheap and easy and not to far from anyone's home. I've decided to let the feeder go empty for a few days in between fill ups. I wonder if they do get fat, will they have to leap to the feeder rather than fly? Do birds get diabetes and heart disease? Questions, Questions....
Side note: Got an email this morning from my girlfriend who was appalled at my use of pee, poo, and fart in my last post. I think her statement was, "how gross." How gross indeed. Bodily functions are not pretty, but I was expressing my noticeable physical changes in taking that particular pill. I have no hang ups on what my body does. I am not a woman who locks the bathroom door when having to "do my business," hanging my head in shame when the outcome has a less than desirable scent. Have we not read Everyone Poops? That should be required reading for all females. They should also do a follow up, Everyone Farts (maybe they have?).
I do "relax" in the comfort of my home, not at a friends dinner table....big difference. I think we should just get over the bowel issues and realize that like men, we have the same digestive system that produces the same outcome. Get over it already!
I do enjoy watching them from my kitchen window. I have counted up to to 8 on this particular feeder, but usually the guys start to get a little territorial (as in the picture below) when too many try to eat at the same time. I wonder if they are getting fat by all this available food? Kind of like the plump American on his way to McDonald's. It's cheap and easy and not to far from anyone's home. I've decided to let the feeder go empty for a few days in between fill ups. I wonder if they do get fat, will they have to leap to the feeder rather than fly? Do birds get diabetes and heart disease? Questions, Questions....
Side note: Got an email this morning from my girlfriend who was appalled at my use of pee, poo, and fart in my last post. I think her statement was, "how gross." How gross indeed. Bodily functions are not pretty, but I was expressing my noticeable physical changes in taking that particular pill. I have no hang ups on what my body does. I am not a woman who locks the bathroom door when having to "do my business," hanging my head in shame when the outcome has a less than desirable scent. Have we not read Everyone Poops? That should be required reading for all females. They should also do a follow up, Everyone Farts (maybe they have?).
I do "relax" in the comfort of my home, not at a friends dinner table....big difference. I think we should just get over the bowel issues and realize that like men, we have the same digestive system that produces the same outcome. Get over it already!
4/17/2008
A Miracle Pill?
A year ago I was diagnosed with thyroid disease, hypothyroidism. After being physically ill for more than 3 months, I finally went to see a doctor. My hypothyroidism was fairly severe, and she was surprised that I could even function day to day. The reality was that I thought it was all in my head, and it was total willpower that got me out of bed every day. I was immediately put on synthetic thyroid replacement. The change was striking at first, I started to feel better and began to have more energy with a desire to live again. My husband was probably more happy than I was. He had "his bindy" back. I went back for repeated check ups over the next 6 months to make sure the drug was working. Every time the blood tests came back, they would find a small improvement, but would have to up the dosage to try and bring it within "normal" limits. Finally, I went in for my last blood test and my numbers were actually back up to the level that I was originally diagnosed with... while on the replacement. I take this disease very seriously, and I took my medication religiously. The only answer could be that the medication just wasn't working.
I did some research and found that people that don't have success with the synthetic tend to have more of a hypothalamus disorder, or T3 problem. The synthetic I was on only replaced the T4. I decided to ask to be put on Armour natural replacement. Within a month, I could feel a complete transformation. I felt like the old me again. It has been amazing to see and feel the transformation going on. I feel like I did at 25 (which is probably just before the thyroid started going downhill). Because of my disease, I have shared it with as many people as I can, and because of my diagnosis one cousin found out she has it too, my mom, and another aunt is currently being tested. It does seem to run in the family somewhere.
In addition to taking my medication, I also take other vitamins and herbs that are suppose to help support thyroid health. I have settled on a vitamin drink that is loaded with B vitamins and amino acids. I can't go without it now. I also decided to try a "weight loss pill" that was recommended on one of my thyroid boards. I had gained quite a lot of weight with my defunct thyroid. The thyroid controls the metabolism, so if it isn't working right, then most likely the fat and carbohydrates that are being eaten are not being metabolised properly. In addition, when you feel like shit, exercise goes to the bottom of the list of important things to do in a day. Like I said, I wasn't me anymore.
I do not normally endorse products, especially weight loss products. Most of them are just plain junk and actually do more harm than good. But I have to say, this pill I have been taking for about a month now really seems to be working. It is made of seaweed concentrate and pomegranate seed oil, so there are no chemicals and no caffeine. The amazing part is that it targets the belly fat, the most dangerous fat. The name is Fucothin. Now not everyone out there agrees with me, there are a lot of critics that say it doesn't work, but there are a lot of people that have used it with good results, like me. I take 6-9 pills a day (you have to work up to that amount) during meals with a lot of water. It does make your pee and poo smell funny, probably because of all the seaweed. It also makes me fart a bit, but that doesn't matter to me much. Gives me a reason to giggle.
Make sure you read everything on it and make your own sound judgement before deciding to take it. I am not being paid to endorse this or any product, nor am I liable if you find it doesn't work for you (that's me covering my butt). This is a review of my personal experience. I have found that in addition to a healthy eating and exercise lifestyle, it helps me lose extra fat. I have also noticed it curbs my cravings for sweets. I am only a month into it, so I will follow up as I continue to use it.
Is it a miracle pill? Since such a thing doesn't exist, I would have to say no (although my thyroid medication has been a saving grace for me), but even my father-in-law could tell in a recent photo of me that something was working. I think that says it all.
I buy Fucothin and other vitamins at iherb.com . Again,not another endorsement, just where I buy my stuff.
4/15/2008
Catching up with the past
I have my name on one of those high school reunion web sites. Over the years, the number of profiles under my class has being on the rise, probably due to the much anticipated 20 year reunion in 2 years. I am one of those odd balls that actually fills out my profile with updates on my life, pictures, questionnaires, you know the whole reason for being on the site. Most folks, however, think that just having their name on the site will some how give their classmates all the info anyone would ever want to know about them. It kind of drives me nuts. How hard is to just tell people what has been going on in your life the last decade? Pictures of the family? My thought is it's a site where you can share info with people; the people who you used to spend a hell of a lot of time with, so why not actually provide information? Any way....off the soapbox, now the story.....
As I have reflected on my youth, I see now that I was one of those girls, you know....the girl that got along with a lot of people, tried to be every one's friend, and had a lot of "guy-friends." That dreaded teenage boy position of liking a girl, but only being the friend. I can honestly say that I was so naive, most of the time I never thought that there was anything more desired on their part. As an adult, I can see how stupid that was. They were teenage boys! Calling me at midnight wanting to talk for an hour, asking me out for burgers, but they bought? Yep, I'm sure maintaining a friendship was all that was on their mind. I might not have caught on back then, but today I am happy that most of these "guy friends" never became anything more. Why?? Because we are still friends!
One of these friends, Jason, who was placed into the "friend" category in 9th grade and stayed there all of high school, recently contacted me through my classmates profile. First it was a little note, "hey, how ya doin?" or something like that. It made me laugh, but I gave him points for making the effort. I responded in the typical "bindy" fashion....rambling off at the mouth "so what you doing now, married, kids? Post some damn photos!" I'm sure his thought was, "someone hasn't changed."
Last night I got an email from classmates telling me about the millions that have visited my profile (ha ha ha....joke), so I thought I would go look around and see if anyone new had arrived. Instead, I saw I had a message from Jason. He offered a bit more information: lives in Minnesota now, has a daughter that is almost in Jr. High, and how strange it was for him to be writing a girl that he used to talk to at about that same age. I wrote back offering a bit more information on myself and my life, and that it was indeed strange. As I was writing, I began to notice that I felt as if I was being transported back in time; standing outside his locker yapping up a storm and lecturing him on what will happen to his lip and jaw if he doesn't stop the chew (what was it with that stuff in the 80s?).
That's the thing about getting older, isn't it? The memories of those times become more vivid. I read once that the teenage brain is so marinated in chemicals that the events that took place during those years become deeply imprinted on the brain. I wonder if that's it? I talked to Larry about it later on the phone (he is so good, listening to me talk about other guys I used to know), he called it the Law of Primacy: What is learned first is best remembered. I'm not sure it's the the same thing I'm talking about.
Who knows what is going on inside the brain, but whatever it is, it is remarkably strong. I can look in the mirror and see the woman I have become, but then there is that underneath layer of a young girl smiling back at me. She holds all those memories of that time. Talking to old friends only makes that girl surface even more. I suppose I am also lucky... that time of my life was pretty good. I had fun in high school. It wasn't all roses, but I managed to gather some great memories and have relatively few regrets. And just in case someone might read this and interpret it as "high school must have been the best time in her life, how sad," let me say OH PLEASE! Hardly. It is just one of many good times in my life. One I am reflecting on today. I'd like to know when it became wrong to actually look back on being a teenager with fondness? With so many trying to relive it these days, you'd think waxing our youth might get a break.
I do hope to hear back from Jason. It would be fun to catch up more, see pictures of his family, and see that he is happy. Isn't that the real reason for wanting to catch up with old friends? To hope they are happy and doing well? It is for me.
As I have reflected on my youth, I see now that I was one of those girls, you know....the girl that got along with a lot of people, tried to be every one's friend, and had a lot of "guy-friends." That dreaded teenage boy position of liking a girl, but only being the friend. I can honestly say that I was so naive, most of the time I never thought that there was anything more desired on their part. As an adult, I can see how stupid that was. They were teenage boys! Calling me at midnight wanting to talk for an hour, asking me out for burgers, but they bought? Yep, I'm sure maintaining a friendship was all that was on their mind. I might not have caught on back then, but today I am happy that most of these "guy friends" never became anything more. Why?? Because we are still friends!
One of these friends, Jason, who was placed into the "friend" category in 9th grade and stayed there all of high school, recently contacted me through my classmates profile. First it was a little note, "hey, how ya doin?" or something like that. It made me laugh, but I gave him points for making the effort. I responded in the typical "bindy" fashion....rambling off at the mouth "so what you doing now, married, kids? Post some damn photos!" I'm sure his thought was, "someone hasn't changed."
Last night I got an email from classmates telling me about the millions that have visited my profile (ha ha ha....joke), so I thought I would go look around and see if anyone new had arrived. Instead, I saw I had a message from Jason. He offered a bit more information: lives in Minnesota now, has a daughter that is almost in Jr. High, and how strange it was for him to be writing a girl that he used to talk to at about that same age. I wrote back offering a bit more information on myself and my life, and that it was indeed strange. As I was writing, I began to notice that I felt as if I was being transported back in time; standing outside his locker yapping up a storm and lecturing him on what will happen to his lip and jaw if he doesn't stop the chew (what was it with that stuff in the 80s?).
That's the thing about getting older, isn't it? The memories of those times become more vivid. I read once that the teenage brain is so marinated in chemicals that the events that took place during those years become deeply imprinted on the brain. I wonder if that's it? I talked to Larry about it later on the phone (he is so good, listening to me talk about other guys I used to know), he called it the Law of Primacy: What is learned first is best remembered. I'm not sure it's the the same thing I'm talking about.
Who knows what is going on inside the brain, but whatever it is, it is remarkably strong. I can look in the mirror and see the woman I have become, but then there is that underneath layer of a young girl smiling back at me. She holds all those memories of that time. Talking to old friends only makes that girl surface even more. I suppose I am also lucky... that time of my life was pretty good. I had fun in high school. It wasn't all roses, but I managed to gather some great memories and have relatively few regrets. And just in case someone might read this and interpret it as "high school must have been the best time in her life, how sad," let me say OH PLEASE! Hardly. It is just one of many good times in my life. One I am reflecting on today. I'd like to know when it became wrong to actually look back on being a teenager with fondness? With so many trying to relive it these days, you'd think waxing our youth might get a break.
I do hope to hear back from Jason. It would be fun to catch up more, see pictures of his family, and see that he is happy. Isn't that the real reason for wanting to catch up with old friends? To hope they are happy and doing well? It is for me.
4/14/2008
Scary
I am a bit of a voyeur, and wouldn't you know the Internet is full of crap for me to voyeur myself. I occasionally read OverheardinNewYork which is funny...for a few minutes. Came across this story this morning.
First man: So after Cain killed Abel he was sent from exile and went up Europe way.
Second man: Not Asia?
First man: No, the Caucus mountains... that's up Europe way.
Second man: Oh, you mean like Turkey.
First man: And since black people don't like the cold, Cain went to live in a cave and started to grow and was the first caveman. Now at that time there was dinosaurs but they weren't really dinosaurs, we call them dinosaurs but that's just how God made animals, you know, until you start messin with the DNA of 'em.
Second man: Oh!
First man: Then Cain met his sister and they had a baby together but since Cain was cursed for being the first murderer their baby came out an obino.
Second man: An obino?
First man: Yeah, a red-headed blue-eyed obino and that's where white people come from. Then they went to the north pole and you know it's light there six months and it's dark there six months and the wind is always blowing and that's where Asian people come from. That's why they eyes is like that because the wind was always blowin in they faces.
Thought is was hilarious and frightening at the same time.
First man: So after Cain killed Abel he was sent from exile and went up Europe way.
Second man: Not Asia?
First man: No, the Caucus mountains... that's up Europe way.
Second man: Oh, you mean like Turkey.
First man: And since black people don't like the cold, Cain went to live in a cave and started to grow and was the first caveman. Now at that time there was dinosaurs but they weren't really dinosaurs, we call them dinosaurs but that's just how God made animals, you know, until you start messin with the DNA of 'em.
Second man: Oh!
First man: Then Cain met his sister and they had a baby together but since Cain was cursed for being the first murderer their baby came out an obino.
Second man: An obino?
First man: Yeah, a red-headed blue-eyed obino and that's where white people come from. Then they went to the north pole and you know it's light there six months and it's dark there six months and the wind is always blowing and that's where Asian people come from. That's why they eyes is like that because the wind was always blowin in they faces.
Thought is was hilarious and frightening at the same time.
4/13/2008
MY Utah
Over the last week, I have been a witness to, like the rest of the world, the removal of women and children from the FLDS compound in El Dorado, Texas. I have had to answer the phone and emails from people that are shocked that this practice is still alive and well. Since I live in Utah, it must be common to see people wandering around town in "Little House on the Prairie" attire, right? Do I know any polygamists? Is that what it's really like to live in Utah? And why on earth do you live there?
Yep, and visiting Italy is like going to the Olive Garden! Justifying why I make my home in Utah to the outside world has to be one of the more exasperating topics. Another is when you cross state lines, and in conversation it leaks out that you are from Utah. Normal responses: A) strange look, darting eyes, and the sound of egg shells cracking in the background until I say "no I'm not Mormon," followed by a breath of relief and an offer to buy me a drink, or B) a look of excitement, followed by "so are you LDS (only LDS ask if your LDS, everyone else asks if your Mormon)?" and then a disappointed look when you say "No" and that strange silence that follows when suddenly they don't know how to talk to you anymore.
I would like to write here and tell everyone that passes by this page that in fact there is much more to Utah than the Mormon Church because there is. I would write this with conviction, after all I chose to move back here after being gone for 14 years. I would give you the run down of all the things that brought me back; the beautiful environment, the wide open spaces, the mountains, the outdoor lifestyle, the four distinct seasons, the dry mountain air, the small but thriving Arts community, and the large numbers of highly educated individuals (per capita). I could go on and on about all the reasons I chose to move back, but I do have to concede that the invasive policies of the Mormon church and the behavior of its members could, in fact, be the reason that I could leave.
I know that sounds harsh, but it is the truth nonetheless. No, it is not easy living here. I recently heard from a old friend who was and is Mormon and whom, after spending his entire life in Zion, chose to move down South for better work opportunities. He made a comment to me after a visit back to Utah that has stuck with me for sometime now. He said, "I am surprised by the lack of tolerance by the people there." He was not conciliatory in his remark, just matter of fact, as if this intolerance was a small, almost microscopic blemish of lipstick on an otherwise perfectly white, crisp collar. I do wish that more Utah Mormons would take a chance and leave the warmth and comfort of the "bubble," go out into the world, and hopefully get rid of that "we are the center of world" smugness that tends to permeate this state. Even if it is only an small awareness that all is not as "perfect" as it seems in Mormonland.
Utah is complex, and a challenge for me. I would have to say the most striking change I have had to become accustomed to is this peculiar contempt for all people, Mormons and "non" Mormons alike. After living in other states, traveling some of the world, you learn quickly what it means to be an adult, and how it feels to be treated as an adult. Here...well... not so much. There is this tendency for some to think they need to tell you what is best for you. Your choices may not be the best ones after all, and they will be quick to tell you as much. Especially as a woman, you find that most men don't take you seriously. "Your just so cute and spunky! And can we talk to your husband?" You can only imagine the response that gets from me. It is the cost in living in a Patriarchal society. It is a cost that I have seriously taken into contemplation of whether it is something I can live within.
It can't be all that bad, right? I can honestly say that most days I do enjoy my time here, but I love the outdoors. There are days, however, that make me want to pack up and leave, especially during the Legislative session. This writing is about expressing some of my own personal experiences and feelings about being "the outsider." To be honest there are probably more "outsiders" than there are "insiders," but that is the quandary about living here. There are a lot of us "nonsies" around the Beehive State, and a large chunk of "not active" folks as well. However, the government of the state is still very entrenched in the LDS faith. I believe I read that although the state is 60% Mormon, 90% of the Utah Congress is. Such an imbalance gives the perception that the Mormon church is the "only" church in the state, which in turn is very well represented in the government. That also means their value system is spun throughout the law and policies, some good some bad. All local politics are representative of the people that live within that locality. This is nation wide. But usually not at the expense of personal freedoms, and with an understanding and respect for the line between church and state.
My Aunt recently shared with me a story about looking for a home to retire to in a small town in Southern Utah. They came across the perfect home and town and decided it was THE place for them. That was until someone came up to them and said "in this town you better be in the pews on Sunday or you will never be welcome." That pretty much sealed the deal and they moved on. Intolerance? Yes. Cruel? Yes. Prejudicial? HELLO. Ignorant? You could say that. I guess it's better to have a home with no residents than a home with the wrong kind of residents.
I am fortunate to live in a community that is more diverse. If I didn't live where I do, I would have probably packed up and left a few months after landing here. I am amazed at how selective my memory was. I had also told myself, "just ignore them and they will ignore you." Yes that's all fine and dandy, but who the hell wants it? I don't want to ignore people, nor do I want to be ignored. I don't want to live with my head it the sand and pretend the church and members don't exist, nor should they act like I don't exist. The religion of The Saints is everywhere and in everything. There is no getting away from it. Even when you think you have found something resembling life outside of Utah (brew pub), you find that its motivations are somewhat encouraged by NOT being the church (Polygamy Porter). It is almost as exhausting dealing with those that hate the church as those who love it. And do they ever feed on each other. Piranhas are more diplomatic! At least you know their motivations.
I have spent too much time wondering to myself, Why? Why the separatism? Why the legalistic society? Why the unjustified judgements of character and morals? What is this seed of hate and who made it? After trying to learn a bit more about the Mormon faith I came up with one conclusion. It is actually quite simple, but it makes all the difference in how people view themselves, their place in the world, and their views of those unlike them. It consists of 3 simple words, "Only True Church." I don't think there are stronger words that can combine to fuel so much contempt for others.
The Mormons aren't the only ones who believe this, there are many religions who also share in this notion of "me so special." It is a bit different though, when you live in a society where so many believe it to be true that the ugliness of it spreads like wildfire, the resultant being extremely damaging, and not only to those they offend, but also to themselves (pride and arrogance). It breeds children that make fun of other children that aren't members, and it breeds parents that condone it. I have a girlfriend that lives as a Catholic in a primarily Mormon neighborhood. The kids on the street are not "allowed" to play with her kids. No reasoning for this alienation is offered, they just aren't allowed. Sadly, there are many stories too much like hers, including my own childhood.
As far as the whole polygamy aspect? Well my knowledge is that yes it was practiced (via revelation) by Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and many others until it was again "revealed" that it was wrong to do so. The current LDS believe in a "continuing revelation," and my assumption is that their God often changes his mind, producing conflicting requirements (polygamy, back to no polygamy in about 60 years). There is some contention about whether or not polygamy will be practiced in the life after their Earthly existence for the most worthy of members depending on an interpretation of a particular Mormon scripture (D&C 132), but to be honest I could give a rat's you-know-what about what people do in the here after. I don't even care if people want to engage in polygamous affairs, as long it is among consenting adults, not children, and not while stiffing tax payers with the bill. As far as I know, the Earthly practice of polygamy and the differing prophets are the major religious differences between modern day Mormons and the Fundamental LDS. Then again I am no expert on the subject, nor do I want to be.
The problem is that the FLDS have stuck with the original revelation by Smith regarding marriage, and have not conceded to the current dogma of "one man, one woman" now practiced by the LDS. There is a TON of info out there, both from LDS sources and non LDS sources regarding polygamy and the Mormon Church. Have at it, and answer your own curiosities if you find it interesting.
I have no idea if Utah will be my home for all my days. No one can really know if where they are now is where they will be later on. Life offers changes, challenges, and opportunity. I will concede that not one thing has gone as I had planned when moving here. Not one! But it has opened my eyes and made me see not only the place I live, but who I am and what I want. Utah is quirky to say the least. But all things must have a ying to their yang. As it is quirky, it is also one of the most beautiful places on Earth, and I love that part of it. I think in any place you can find your home, and I understand that one must make peace with the things that cannot be changed, accepting it for what it is. The question I have for myself is whether or not I can actually do that, if I can live here knowing that things won't change, at least not in my lifetime.
Yep, and visiting Italy is like going to the Olive Garden! Justifying why I make my home in Utah to the outside world has to be one of the more exasperating topics. Another is when you cross state lines, and in conversation it leaks out that you are from Utah. Normal responses: A) strange look, darting eyes, and the sound of egg shells cracking in the background until I say "no I'm not Mormon," followed by a breath of relief and an offer to buy me a drink, or B) a look of excitement, followed by "so are you LDS (only LDS ask if your LDS, everyone else asks if your Mormon)?" and then a disappointed look when you say "No" and that strange silence that follows when suddenly they don't know how to talk to you anymore.
I would like to write here and tell everyone that passes by this page that in fact there is much more to Utah than the Mormon Church because there is. I would write this with conviction, after all I chose to move back here after being gone for 14 years. I would give you the run down of all the things that brought me back; the beautiful environment, the wide open spaces, the mountains, the outdoor lifestyle, the four distinct seasons, the dry mountain air, the small but thriving Arts community, and the large numbers of highly educated individuals (per capita). I could go on and on about all the reasons I chose to move back, but I do have to concede that the invasive policies of the Mormon church and the behavior of its members could, in fact, be the reason that I could leave.
I know that sounds harsh, but it is the truth nonetheless. No, it is not easy living here. I recently heard from a old friend who was and is Mormon and whom, after spending his entire life in Zion, chose to move down South for better work opportunities. He made a comment to me after a visit back to Utah that has stuck with me for sometime now. He said, "I am surprised by the lack of tolerance by the people there." He was not conciliatory in his remark, just matter of fact, as if this intolerance was a small, almost microscopic blemish of lipstick on an otherwise perfectly white, crisp collar. I do wish that more Utah Mormons would take a chance and leave the warmth and comfort of the "bubble," go out into the world, and hopefully get rid of that "we are the center of world" smugness that tends to permeate this state. Even if it is only an small awareness that all is not as "perfect" as it seems in Mormonland.
Utah is complex, and a challenge for me. I would have to say the most striking change I have had to become accustomed to is this peculiar contempt for all people, Mormons and "non" Mormons alike. After living in other states, traveling some of the world, you learn quickly what it means to be an adult, and how it feels to be treated as an adult. Here...well... not so much. There is this tendency for some to think they need to tell you what is best for you. Your choices may not be the best ones after all, and they will be quick to tell you as much. Especially as a woman, you find that most men don't take you seriously. "Your just so cute and spunky! And can we talk to your husband?" You can only imagine the response that gets from me. It is the cost in living in a Patriarchal society. It is a cost that I have seriously taken into contemplation of whether it is something I can live within.
It can't be all that bad, right? I can honestly say that most days I do enjoy my time here, but I love the outdoors. There are days, however, that make me want to pack up and leave, especially during the Legislative session. This writing is about expressing some of my own personal experiences and feelings about being "the outsider." To be honest there are probably more "outsiders" than there are "insiders," but that is the quandary about living here. There are a lot of us "nonsies" around the Beehive State, and a large chunk of "not active" folks as well. However, the government of the state is still very entrenched in the LDS faith. I believe I read that although the state is 60% Mormon, 90% of the Utah Congress is. Such an imbalance gives the perception that the Mormon church is the "only" church in the state, which in turn is very well represented in the government. That also means their value system is spun throughout the law and policies, some good some bad. All local politics are representative of the people that live within that locality. This is nation wide. But usually not at the expense of personal freedoms, and with an understanding and respect for the line between church and state.
My Aunt recently shared with me a story about looking for a home to retire to in a small town in Southern Utah. They came across the perfect home and town and decided it was THE place for them. That was until someone came up to them and said "in this town you better be in the pews on Sunday or you will never be welcome." That pretty much sealed the deal and they moved on. Intolerance? Yes. Cruel? Yes. Prejudicial? HELLO. Ignorant? You could say that. I guess it's better to have a home with no residents than a home with the wrong kind of residents.
I am fortunate to live in a community that is more diverse. If I didn't live where I do, I would have probably packed up and left a few months after landing here. I am amazed at how selective my memory was. I had also told myself, "just ignore them and they will ignore you." Yes that's all fine and dandy, but who the hell wants it? I don't want to ignore people, nor do I want to be ignored. I don't want to live with my head it the sand and pretend the church and members don't exist, nor should they act like I don't exist. The religion of The Saints is everywhere and in everything. There is no getting away from it. Even when you think you have found something resembling life outside of Utah (brew pub), you find that its motivations are somewhat encouraged by NOT being the church (Polygamy Porter). It is almost as exhausting dealing with those that hate the church as those who love it. And do they ever feed on each other. Piranhas are more diplomatic! At least you know their motivations.
I have spent too much time wondering to myself, Why? Why the separatism? Why the legalistic society? Why the unjustified judgements of character and morals? What is this seed of hate and who made it? After trying to learn a bit more about the Mormon faith I came up with one conclusion. It is actually quite simple, but it makes all the difference in how people view themselves, their place in the world, and their views of those unlike them. It consists of 3 simple words, "Only True Church." I don't think there are stronger words that can combine to fuel so much contempt for others.
The Mormons aren't the only ones who believe this, there are many religions who also share in this notion of "me so special." It is a bit different though, when you live in a society where so many believe it to be true that the ugliness of it spreads like wildfire, the resultant being extremely damaging, and not only to those they offend, but also to themselves (pride and arrogance). It breeds children that make fun of other children that aren't members, and it breeds parents that condone it. I have a girlfriend that lives as a Catholic in a primarily Mormon neighborhood. The kids on the street are not "allowed" to play with her kids. No reasoning for this alienation is offered, they just aren't allowed. Sadly, there are many stories too much like hers, including my own childhood.
As far as the whole polygamy aspect? Well my knowledge is that yes it was practiced (via revelation) by Joseph Smith, Brigham Young, and many others until it was again "revealed" that it was wrong to do so. The current LDS believe in a "continuing revelation," and my assumption is that their God often changes his mind, producing conflicting requirements (polygamy, back to no polygamy in about 60 years). There is some contention about whether or not polygamy will be practiced in the life after their Earthly existence for the most worthy of members depending on an interpretation of a particular Mormon scripture (D&C 132), but to be honest I could give a rat's you-know-what about what people do in the here after. I don't even care if people want to engage in polygamous affairs, as long it is among consenting adults, not children, and not while stiffing tax payers with the bill. As far as I know, the Earthly practice of polygamy and the differing prophets are the major religious differences between modern day Mormons and the Fundamental LDS. Then again I am no expert on the subject, nor do I want to be.
The problem is that the FLDS have stuck with the original revelation by Smith regarding marriage, and have not conceded to the current dogma of "one man, one woman" now practiced by the LDS. There is a TON of info out there, both from LDS sources and non LDS sources regarding polygamy and the Mormon Church. Have at it, and answer your own curiosities if you find it interesting.
I have no idea if Utah will be my home for all my days. No one can really know if where they are now is where they will be later on. Life offers changes, challenges, and opportunity. I will concede that not one thing has gone as I had planned when moving here. Not one! But it has opened my eyes and made me see not only the place I live, but who I am and what I want. Utah is quirky to say the least. But all things must have a ying to their yang. As it is quirky, it is also one of the most beautiful places on Earth, and I love that part of it. I think in any place you can find your home, and I understand that one must make peace with the things that cannot be changed, accepting it for what it is. The question I have for myself is whether or not I can actually do that, if I can live here knowing that things won't change, at least not in my lifetime.
4/11/2008
Feeling Better
I am finally breaking out of my cold. Still sound somewhere between Kermit the Frog and a dying cow, but every day it gets better. This weekend the temps will get up to the 70s, so I am happy to be well enough to get outside and play.
I did manage to register for classes for next semester. This semester has not been that great, not meaning grade wise, but just not that interesting. The ear anatomy is fascinating, and it has me considering Audiology ....someday ....maybe. But the instruction is very pathetic and it is showing up in my grades. Not that I am failing or anything like that, not even close, but I am probably looking at a B or B+ for that class. My linguistics class is not that great either, but I'm doing well in it. That was the class where I was group leader for a group project. Our group did very well, and I actually got kudos from my group for being a "great" leader. Not that it was that hard, you just have to have follow through. Next semester I will finally get to start the pathology and diagnosing aspect of it. Also a bit of aural rehabilitation. I hope it goes well and is more interesting than this semester has been. Only 5 more classes to go!!
I have been looking around at graduate programs. The U has a good program, but they don't offer a program that allows you to work. It is a standard day-time program. I have been in discussions with people in my current program about different schooling options, and have come across a couple of interesting possibilities. My particular issue is that I want a Master of Science, not another M.Ed. . I had thought that the M.S. programs would all be on-campus, but surprisingly there are a small number of schools that offer an online program. This would be the best for me so I can actually start working as a SLP assistant while doing the program. Learning is great, but this type of learning has to be usable for me to really understand its meaning. I figure I can really get a better grasp of the knowledge if I can apply it, even in small doses, in the day to day work environment.
I am a little disappointed, scratch that....very disappointed, that Larry isn't going to be able to come home this month. The original plan was that he was suppose to come home for a short visit, but he is so busy at work that he just doesn't have time. In addition, the Navy decided to slash its orders by 20%. All "non terror" jobs got pushed down to the bottom of the list for funding. Larry was notified that he would be leaving on May 8th. To say the least, his boss shit a brick. A two star, or three star General (I don't know anymore, Larry throws these ranks around like they are commonplace) called the Admiral and had some ass. He now has Larry until June 30th. This does, however, present a kink in my plans for the summer. I was suppose to be packing up and moving out in June. Honestly, there is part of me a bit relieved not to have to go through the stress of vacating my home and pissing off my cats with a trek over the pacific ocean and a new home. I will make a few more trips out to Hawaii before he comes home. I will just try and do what I have planned to do, knowing I have less time to do it all. I think it will be nice to be home this summer....with my other half.
Larry was also told that before he leaves he will be receiving a Joint Meritorious Service Medal! This is huge for him, and he deserves it. He is the hardest working person I know, and on top of that, he is passionate about what he does. Such qualities deserve to be recognized. Your wifey-poo is beaming with pride sweetie : )
The airlines are another story. It is kind of like "hold on to your boots folks!" Larry is pretty safe at Skywest, but our plans to move on may not come to pass, not anytime soon anyway. I actually blurted out one day, "I think you should be a physical therapist." Surprisingly his response was, "You are very insightful. I think I would enjoy that line of work," (seriously...he did say that, that's the way he talks). Now the conversation of changing jobs comes up regularly. He still wants to be a airline pilot, but he is also more open now to the idea of other work and opportunity. Of course, I already have drawn up the blue prints for the "Crafts Rehab Center." Me on the Speech side, Larry doing Geriatric and Sports rehab. A girl can dream can't she? Besides it would really cut car and gas costs....the Earth wins too!!
I did manage to register for classes for next semester. This semester has not been that great, not meaning grade wise, but just not that interesting. The ear anatomy is fascinating, and it has me considering Audiology ....someday ....maybe. But the instruction is very pathetic and it is showing up in my grades. Not that I am failing or anything like that, not even close, but I am probably looking at a B or B+ for that class. My linguistics class is not that great either, but I'm doing well in it. That was the class where I was group leader for a group project. Our group did very well, and I actually got kudos from my group for being a "great" leader. Not that it was that hard, you just have to have follow through. Next semester I will finally get to start the pathology and diagnosing aspect of it. Also a bit of aural rehabilitation. I hope it goes well and is more interesting than this semester has been. Only 5 more classes to go!!
I have been looking around at graduate programs. The U has a good program, but they don't offer a program that allows you to work. It is a standard day-time program. I have been in discussions with people in my current program about different schooling options, and have come across a couple of interesting possibilities. My particular issue is that I want a Master of Science, not another M.Ed. . I had thought that the M.S. programs would all be on-campus, but surprisingly there are a small number of schools that offer an online program. This would be the best for me so I can actually start working as a SLP assistant while doing the program. Learning is great, but this type of learning has to be usable for me to really understand its meaning. I figure I can really get a better grasp of the knowledge if I can apply it, even in small doses, in the day to day work environment.
I am a little disappointed, scratch that....very disappointed, that Larry isn't going to be able to come home this month. The original plan was that he was suppose to come home for a short visit, but he is so busy at work that he just doesn't have time. In addition, the Navy decided to slash its orders by 20%. All "non terror" jobs got pushed down to the bottom of the list for funding. Larry was notified that he would be leaving on May 8th. To say the least, his boss shit a brick. A two star, or three star General (I don't know anymore, Larry throws these ranks around like they are commonplace) called the Admiral and had some ass. He now has Larry until June 30th. This does, however, present a kink in my plans for the summer. I was suppose to be packing up and moving out in June. Honestly, there is part of me a bit relieved not to have to go through the stress of vacating my home and pissing off my cats with a trek over the pacific ocean and a new home. I will make a few more trips out to Hawaii before he comes home. I will just try and do what I have planned to do, knowing I have less time to do it all. I think it will be nice to be home this summer....with my other half.
Larry was also told that before he leaves he will be receiving a Joint Meritorious Service Medal! This is huge for him, and he deserves it. He is the hardest working person I know, and on top of that, he is passionate about what he does. Such qualities deserve to be recognized. Your wifey-poo is beaming with pride sweetie : )
The airlines are another story. It is kind of like "hold on to your boots folks!" Larry is pretty safe at Skywest, but our plans to move on may not come to pass, not anytime soon anyway. I actually blurted out one day, "I think you should be a physical therapist." Surprisingly his response was, "You are very insightful. I think I would enjoy that line of work," (seriously...he did say that, that's the way he talks). Now the conversation of changing jobs comes up regularly. He still wants to be a airline pilot, but he is also more open now to the idea of other work and opportunity. Of course, I already have drawn up the blue prints for the "Crafts Rehab Center." Me on the Speech side, Larry doing Geriatric and Sports rehab. A girl can dream can't she? Besides it would really cut car and gas costs....the Earth wins too!!
4/09/2008
Make it stop.....PLEASE!
Day 3 of my convalescence. I can't breathe and my brain feels like a gelatinous mass sloshing around in my head. The sinuses in right side of my face are so swollen that my right eye is constantly tearing up and my upper right teeth ache. I have gone through my last box of Kleenex and have now transitioned to a roll of toilet paper. I am all out of my Tylenol Super Duper deCongestion tabs and haven't the ability to drive to the store (not without leaving dead bodies on the road). My only food desire is oatmeal and fruit, both of which I am now out of.
I have been bathing myself in Vicks, but can't smell any of it. Does that mean it doesn't work? On top of that, I am now starting to cough up boogers and sneeze all over the place. Part of my recovery will be tenting my house and decontaminating it. Walking up and down the stairs is like running a marathon. I did the dishes this morning, figuring the caked on oatmeal and dried out chicken soup probably wasn't doing me any favors in the "improving my health" department. After filling the dishwasher, I started wheezing. I feel like an old lady.
I think the worst part for me is having nothing to do. All I can do is lay here and try to find which nostril is the least plugged to breathe out of. If I am lucky I might be able to scrounge up enough energy to wash a load of laundry. You should see how long it takes me to fold a towel. My only outlet is my computer, but even then I don't want to do anything that actually requires me to think. I listen to music, add songs to my playlist and then fall asleep.
Larry feels guilty for not being here, so does my Mom. She went back to Florida Monday. I am kind of used to it, being sick on my own. I do wish someone was here to help clean up and go get me some Sprite or 7-Up. I am hoping this will be my last day of my solitary confinement. I am feeling dislodged from the world, not to mention from my own brain.
I think a hot shower is calling my name. The steam clears out my nose and the heat relaxes my muscles. It is the only good thing I have going on right now, so I would be remiss not to take full advantage of it.
I have been bathing myself in Vicks, but can't smell any of it. Does that mean it doesn't work? On top of that, I am now starting to cough up boogers and sneeze all over the place. Part of my recovery will be tenting my house and decontaminating it. Walking up and down the stairs is like running a marathon. I did the dishes this morning, figuring the caked on oatmeal and dried out chicken soup probably wasn't doing me any favors in the "improving my health" department. After filling the dishwasher, I started wheezing. I feel like an old lady.
I think the worst part for me is having nothing to do. All I can do is lay here and try to find which nostril is the least plugged to breathe out of. If I am lucky I might be able to scrounge up enough energy to wash a load of laundry. You should see how long it takes me to fold a towel. My only outlet is my computer, but even then I don't want to do anything that actually requires me to think. I listen to music, add songs to my playlist and then fall asleep.
Larry feels guilty for not being here, so does my Mom. She went back to Florida Monday. I am kind of used to it, being sick on my own. I do wish someone was here to help clean up and go get me some Sprite or 7-Up. I am hoping this will be my last day of my solitary confinement. I am feeling dislodged from the world, not to mention from my own brain.
I think a hot shower is calling my name. The steam clears out my nose and the heat relaxes my muscles. It is the only good thing I have going on right now, so I would be remiss not to take full advantage of it.
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