Old Lessons

Last night Larry called me completely stressed and frustrated. "What is going on?" I asked him. "Oh, I'm just stressed about stuff." This is how he always starts off when he needs to talk. He is very ambiguous at first, which, of course, makes me probe further. I continued to dig and ask, "What's bugging you?" After a few minutes he finally let it out. He is frustrated that the Navy cut his orders from Sept 30 to June 30.
Oh yes, we have been down this path many times before. Things like this happen, and for reasons out of his control, but he is hell bent on forcing the issue. I reminded him this lesson comes before him a lot, and yet he never seems to learn. "You must let it go," I gently reminded him. I used the round hole, square peg metaphor.
The deeper issue though is that he takes it as a personal attack rather than just being able to see it as the bureaucratic crap that it is. I, having dealt a lot with my own confidence and self esteem issues, told him he needed to step back and take a good hard look at why he is holding on so strongly to something that has determined his value as less than what it is. I think this speaks to the motivation behind his overall frustration and anxiety.
I suppose it is hard for him when the people that he works for and with are all saying they need him to stay, they need his expertise, but the people making the financial choices only see numbers. In my opinion, those who see him as a critical asset need to step forward and fight the fight to keep him. As we all know, words of kindness are just words if they have no action to back them up.
He listened to everything I said, and I hope understood my point. Whenever I find myself in a pickle, I can always turn to him for a differing perspective and advice, and I hope he can find solace in what I have to say to him. I have watched him in these battles before. They are uphill and arduous, taking the life out of him, but the truth is that he is only fighting himself. I often look at it as a bad relationship. Why do some stay in relationships, either romantic or platonic, when there is nothing being offered on the other end? People will stick around and offer their undying devotion to something or someone that cannot offer anything in return. Trying to convince someone to love you, to accept you and find you valuable is a futile effort. I speak from too much experience. Either they do or they don't. It is up to you to decide when it is time to move on, leaving those who no longer value you behind. You can never be happy spending your life trying to get someone to see your value when they are unable to.
I find this scenario to be true for him in this particular situation. Either the Navy needs to put their words into action or it is time to move on, and move towards something else that is no doubt waiting for him anyway. One thing is for sure, there are always opportunities ahead. You just have to be able to close the door on the places and people that no longer fit in your life. In doing so, you allow yourself see all the many doors yet to be opened.

"When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us." -Helen Keller