As I have entered into my mid 30s (did I just say that?), I have noticed a strange awakening. As a women, I know that the body often responds through the thoughts of the mind and spirit. As I have been embracing all aspects of myself, this new sexual being has emerged. It is taken me off guard and been completely unexpected. Maybe it is my age, maybe it is that I have been on my thyroid meds for 4 months, who knows. I could examine it to death, but I really don't care what is "causing it." I am just thoroughly enjoying it. It's not that I was asexual before, I just don't think I allowed myself to become consumed by my female passion before.
It isn't just the act of sex, but the whole connection between my mind, body, and spirit. The other night as I was lying down on the couch I lifted one leg straight up in the air, pulling my foot towards me (I was a trained ballet dancer, so none of my ligaments work right). As I stretched my inner thigh, I noticed the curve of my calf and the smoothness of my skin. I began to lightly stroke my lower leg from the knee down to my ankle. This probably sounds either completely normal or extremely odd to some, but for me it was the first time I had caressed my body without some sort of criticism. I relished the moment and the beauty of my leg.
I believe this new acceptance of my body has released me to express myself in areas I never expected. I can't find the words to convey what is happening to me, expect to say that I feel alive everywhere. Passion feels like it is shooting out from all over me. I find myself smiling while doing to most simplistic tasks.
Before my husband left, I was overcome with the desire to kiss him. As we were just sitting on the couch watching T.V. I jumped on to his lap and began kissing him, intensely. He was shocked (after 17 years together, surprises are not too common). After a few minutes, he pulled away and turned my head from right to left. I asked him what he was doing. "I am just looking for a recently inserted computer chip because this person before me is not my wife." I laughed. "Yes I am. I've just been hiding out for a while, and now I am back."
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